Classic Ann Landers

Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999.

Dear Ann Landers: My parents will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next month. This should be a joyous occasion, but the truth is, they have had an unhappy marriage for as long as I can remember.

My three sisters and I are reluctant to plan a big party for them or have any other celebration, because we feel it would be hypocritical. However, not doing anything at all would make us feel terribly guilty. Is there some compromise that would be appropriate for the occasion? — Rosie in N.Y.

Dear Rosie: Regardless of the quality of the relationship, the fact remains that your parents have been married for half a century, and that calls for some sort of celebration. It doesn't have to be a major blowout. A fancy dinner with family members and close friends would be equally appropriate. I hope you and your sisters will honor your parents on their special day. Maybe it will give them an incentive to get along better.

Dear Ann Landers: I recently decided to "come out" to my friends and family and let them know I am gay. I am not an in-your-face kind of person and wanted it to be a slow process, with me choosing the time and place. I have only told a few close friends so far.

Here's the problem, Ann. I was denied the opportunity to choose the time and place by a clerk at the hardware store. He noticed my new checkbook and asked if the rainbow design was intended to represent the "rainbow gay-pride colors." I answered honestly and told him yes, it did.

My mother was with me and heard every word.

Since that time, things have been strained between my mother and me. I am not going to force her acceptance, but I would like to regain the comfortable relationship we had for so many years. Ann, should I have lied when the clerk asked me about the checkbook? I want to maintain my honesty about this, but I hate what it has done to my relationship with my mother. Do you have any advice for me? — Outed in Savannah, Ga.

Dear Savannah: Have a frank talk with your mother. Let her know you have sensed the coolness and it has made you unhappy. Explain to her that your sexual orientation is not something you chose — it's the way God made you.

There is an excellent organization that will help you educate your mother on this subject. Write to: PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), 1101 14th St., N.W., Suite 1030, Washington, D.C. 20005 (www.pflag.org).

Feeling pressured to have sex? How informed are you? Write for Ann Landers' booklet "Sex and the Teenager." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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