Can I Take Naked Pictures of You?

By Marc Dion

September 16, 2013 4 min read

When someone survives a terrible disease, they often form a foundation and spend the rest of their lives raising awareness of the disease. That's a very, very nice thing to do, and a lot of the time you can make a healthy living doing just this.

So, when I read about Harwood Union High School in Vermont, where, in the words of the school superintendent male students are trading and collecting girlfriend nakes "like baseball cards," I figured it was time to speak up.

I'm 56 years old. I smoke cigars. I wear a pinky ring. I used to box. From time to time, I use the word "broad."

In short, I am not that guy in skinny jeans you met at the "Free Tibet" rally. His name is Ryan.

But I am not without sensitivity and I want to dedicate at least a little bit of my life to raising some awareness.

Ladies, take it from a guy who has spent thousands of hours drinking, fighting, working and talking with guys.

If you let a guy take naked pictures of you, he will show them to other guys.

That's why he's taking them, to show them to other guys. It makes him look cool. You may not know this, but nothing is cooler in guy world than a guy who has so much control over a woman that she lets him take nakes of her. He takes the pic, he shows it around in the gym, he's the Godzilla of maleness.

Guys have shown me naked pictures of their women in boxing gyms, in offices, in bars, at boxing matches, in parking lots, in break rooms at awful manual labor jobs and in the comfort of suburban homes with a lovely redwood deck out back.

And every single one of those guys, before he showed me the pics, said, "I told her they were just for me but ... "

And then we looked at pictures of the girl's naked body, her tender skin washed pale by the flash, the pictures spread out on the bar (I used to tend bar) or handed to me as I sat on a wooden bench, just out of a post-workout shower. I've also seen 'em on cell phones.

I may be in my fifties, but other guys still want me to think they're cool. In fact, young guys like showing off for us old dogs. If you can imagine anything more disgusting than a 25-year-old guy showing naked pictures of his 23-year-old girlfriend to 56-year-old me, then write in and tell me what it is you're imagining. I'd like to tell the guys.

I'm not really the public service announcement-type, but, girls, listen to an old dog bark.

He tells you he loves you. He says the pictures are just for him. He says you'd do it if you loved him. He says you look "sooooo hot."

And a couple weeks later, in the men's room of a bar or in some flat parking lot after the game, he'll say to me, "Check these out."

Don't let him do it, girls.

If he asks why not, tell him you got some good advice from an old dog.

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com

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