Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Sun, 18 Mar 2018 16:12:24 -0700 Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate 0f1f63f9ced0ee02e05219131a5b2c53 Revolution on My Street for 03/19/2018 Mon, 19 Mar 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I live in New England, and there was a snowstorm this week. We got 18 inches of snow, and most of us hope that's it for the year. During the storm before that, we got 17 inches, and the people on my street didn't think the city did a very good job of plowing. It seemed like it took them an awfully long time to get the street down to bare pavement.</p> <p>And we know how plow drivers are. They're government employees who have bloated paychecks and health care that they shouldn't have because we don't. They all have lifetime jobs and they spend most of their time kowtowing to union bosses.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 19, 2018</p> 26a658a31c174393df3358bfbfd25c44 Secret Ballot for 03/12/2018 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Here's a little story from the 1960s.</p> <p>My parents were ordinary working people. They went to Mass every week. They voted in every election. My father was a World War II combat veteran. My mother had worked in a defense plant, making rubber seals for gas masks on the second shift. Neither one was a college graduate. My father was the child of immigrants. My mother worked in banks. My father began as a bartender, but worked his way into midlevel management at a sporting goods company. We never owned a new car. Neither one of them was ever arrested. They stayed married until my father died.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 12, 2018</p> f7d61e832e2b074ee127e6034afe3a10 A Few Notes for a New National Anthem for 03/05/2018 Mon, 05 Mar 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>"Oh, say can you see the holster on me?</p> <p>I have fed it my vote and the lives of my children."<p>Updated: Mon Mar 05, 2018</p> 70cb9de98f98af6e066e6ed932e18a56 Dressing for Disaster for 02/26/2018 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>The worse the country gets, the better I dress.</p> <p>I grew up in a series of working-class communities from Massachusetts to Missouri, places not carefully chosen by my parents, who moved wherever and whenever my father's job required. The towns were pretty much all the same, although the availability of fresh fish varied greatly from place to place.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 26, 2018</p> b37b512662ceb014c1d1fe3c6b634412 In Praise of Pedophiles for 02/19/2018 Mon, 19 Feb 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p>In the first place, anti-pedophile laws don't work.</p> <p>Pedophiles want to have sexual contact with children, and no law makes them stop. Arrest them, jail them, makes no difference. They get out of jail eventually and, when they do, they usually go looking for a kid.</p> <p>We make them register, but registering pedophiles doesn't work. They molest children anyway. We make them stay away from schools, but they molest children anyway.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 19, 2018</p> 45bd54e6bd9f48327b39a6c08eb9d529 Trumpana Republic for 02/12/2018 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>America still has the Army.</p> <p>Oh, yeah. We can't stop our people, many of them veterans, from shooting poison into their veins. We can't promise the returning vet a union job that pays a living wage. We can't stop the rich from eating us. We still defend slavery, some of us. We argue that groping women is natural. We've got religious kook-a-boos edging their way into the national dialogue. We've got Nazis in the streets and riots in the cities. We elect fools.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 12, 2018</p> 023a329aa33c0b602f63ccfa83a08869 No Reason to Suspect Foul Play for 02/05/2018 Mon, 05 Feb 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>They found her near the river, on the weedy bank. The river is paved over for most of its length, but it rises in a couple spots, and one of them is near the interstate, in back of a now-abandoned Sam's Club. The river powered the first cotton mills in the city where I live, but electricity came along, and they gave the river a layoff notice, and then buried it, a fate common to working people and working rivers.</p> <p>Ducks use that little bit of still water, and swans. I drive by that spot on my way to the bank, and I used to pull my truck into the parking lot and get out with a camera in my hand because I wanted a picture of the ducks and the swans.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 05, 2018</p> a2682cb1c3fcec05c3107f7100abb489 Yankee Doodle for 01/29/2018 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I am a REAL American.</p> <p>Whew! Glad we got that out of the way. For a minute there, I thought I might be considered disloyal. You can't go to jail for that yet, but you will.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 29, 2018</p> 1cec898fd4497231435de90889795a3e How Tall Is the President? for 01/22/2018 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I'm 6 feet tall, or I was.</p> <p>Two years ago, when I was 58, I switched doctors. The new doctor weighed me and checked my height. I asked her how tall I was, and she said I was 5 foot 11 and enough change left over to buy a bag of potato chips from the office vending machine. I was unprepared. I'd been 6 feet tall since I was 16, and I liked saying I was 6 feet tall. It's a manly height, but not freakish.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 22, 2018</p> edf8e477ea3dbb72c9d8a64c4ffa5f25 Trump's Greatest Generation for 01/15/2018 Mon, 15 Jan 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I believe the newspaper columnist's job is to take a step to the side, to take a look at things from an angle, to maybe even sneak around behind an issue and get a look at it from the back.</p> <p>In that spirit, what if the election of Pres. Donald Trump is the best thing that ever happened to America?<p>Updated: Mon Jan 15, 2018</p> b2e9659fdd75c3910d9ab9a87e0e0739 Trust and Verification for 01/08/2018 Mon, 08 Jan 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I start the column and I date it "2018," here in the small spare bedroom of a second-floor apartment in a 125-year-old house.</p> <p>There's a snowstorm trembling in the air tonight. It hasn't started yet, and isn't supposed to start until about 4 a.m. It's 8 p.m. now, but you can taste the snow in the air. You smell rain coming, but you taste snow, like an ice-cold knife blade on your tongue.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 08, 2018</p> c769afae3ed86d2aa46d444634efeb20 Hangover Cure for 01/01/2018 Mon, 01 Jan 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I get some of my best ideas drinking coffee. I get good ideas drinking whiskey, too, but I forget them before I can write them down.</p> <p>I was drinking coffee in the office yesterday morning, instant coffee in a cup with a Christmas tree and the "Peanuts" character Snoopy on the side, when I came up with the best idea I've had since I decided to stop smoking cigars around my wife. Well, actually, the cigar idea was hers, but I got on board with it pretty quickly.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 01, 2018</p> f3b23c47a37736489ef7c96c85a7197e Good Enough for Long Enough for 12/25/2017 Mon, 25 Dec 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>People think of newspaper reporters as forever unraveling the twisted threads of political corruption or, depending on your political orientation, they think of us as concealing political corruption in return for pats on the head from America-hating Muslim-coddling socialists.</p> <p>As a reporter on a midsized daily newspaper that prints arrests and obituaries, I can tell you that I spend a lot of time at charitable events. I'm at the Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless, and I'm there when your organization gives $1,000 to a hospital. I'm interviewing the sick kid who gets to ride in a police car because he wished it from a cancer ward.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 25, 2017</p> e230ccbd28cf8043e29405585c6559dd Pickett's Charge for 12/18/2017 Mon, 18 Dec 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Rather than rehash the numbers, let's just say that the black voters of Alabama are the reason Roy Moore isn't bringing his cowboy-hatted slime to the Senate.</p> <p>Pickett's Charge failed again, toiling up the hill in slavery's cause, but faltering under the guns, and failing to take the heights.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 18, 2017</p> 39b525091d31b26e134386f3af3dd050 Goodbye, Jesus for 12/11/2017 Mon, 11 Dec 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I'm getting a little sick of Jesus.</p> <p>When I was a kid in Catholic school, back in the early 1960s, Jesus was in the prayer books, surrounded by lambs, lambs whose bellies must have been warm and soft, and wonderful to touch.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 11, 2017</p> f0bf57556ddb909908d069dd60c1adff The Guy's Guide to Sexual Harassment for 12/04/2017 Mon, 04 Dec 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>When I was a kid, if I belted one of my cousins in the mouth while arguing over a sled, and knocked him face first into a snow bank, my mother used to apply one piece of wisdom.</p> <p>"How would you like it if somebody did that to you?" she'd say, shortly before clipping me sharply over the left ear. She was right-handed, so her shots always landed on my left ear.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 04, 2017</p> 6894a85767cdde638cf9b9038b5fa5a1 Coffee, Cultural Shifts and Sadness for 11/27/2017 Mon, 27 Nov 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Coffee is what the cigarette used to be.</p> <p>In 1963, if you asked a guy, "You want a cigarette?" he said, "Yes."<p>Updated: Mon Nov 27, 2017</p> 63cd3bf2bac5e677d92790cfdba0cced Don't Get Shot By the Cops! Wear Tweed! for 11/20/2017 Mon, 20 Nov 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p>Recently, police in the city where I live shot a 19-year-old Hispanic man in circumstances that remain under investigation, as they say while waiting for the public to lose interest.</p> <p>Of course, as soon as the guy died, people whose agendas have eaten their souls found the young man's Facebook page and before you could say, "The little spic deserved it," they were posting pictures of him shirtless, in a logo cap with the brim straight across, waving a bottle of Hennessey cognac.</p> <p>See? See?! Ya don't get killed by our thin blue line of heroes unless you look like a THUG! Ya don't get smoked by men and women who risk their lives every day unless you don't bend the brim of your cap. Now, into the dirt, Pablo! By the way, in the pictures, the kid's holding up a <i> pint </i> of Hennessey. How gangsta are you if you can't afford a fifth of the stuff?<p>Updated: Mon Nov 20, 2017</p> 0cc5e8bd0843110d9844b90bcdc5fd07 Putting the Pieces Together for 11/13/2017 Mon, 13 Nov 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I live in a city with 88,000 residents and 17 dollar stores. I also work for the local newspaper, and my desk is next to the police scanner. I hear everything first.</p> <p>On a Tuesday, the day before the first really cold day of the year, the scanner's screechy garble told me a man had overdosed outdoors, on the bit of grass surrounding a local apartment complex.<p>Updated: Mon Nov 13, 2017</p> dd2a8ffe2583bebbfb02f029faada096 Cashin' the Checks for 11/06/2017 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I'm a saver, a working guy who puts money in the bank. If you do that, and you stay continuously employed for 46 years, and you work way up to a middle-class wage, you end up with a solid rock of money in the bank.</p> <p>And it's not that I'm a financial genius, either. I just lived on 85 percent of my salary for nearly half a century. At first, the money went into the bank, and then into a bank IRA, and then into mutual funds, and then into a 401(k).<p>Updated: Mon Nov 06, 2017</p>