Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Mon, 21 May 2018 15:20:12 -0700 Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate 6818df168141035b5ed95ed050e80676 The Columnist's Cookbook for 05/21/2018 Mon, 21 May 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p>When readers send me emails, they often ask me for one of my favorite recipes.</p> <p>OK, so they don't.</p> <p>Usually when readers send me emails, they call me a "filthy communist," suggest that I move to another country, or sometimes offer to shoot me in case I'm too scared of guns to shoot myself.<p>Updated: Mon May 21, 2018</p> 01497c854df3549307b89a62968be9a4 Me and Cigars for 05/14/2018 Mon, 14 May 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I like a cigar every so often.</p> <p>I smoke Te-Amo cigars, a relatively cheap Mexican brand that the cigar reviewers says has an "earthy" flavor. They taste a little like dirt, is what they taste like, but cigar reviewers write in a style that begs to be read in a leather chair, so they're not gonna write "tastes like dirt."<p>Updated: Mon May 14, 2018</p> 65c4f09c840fde27e9c4506160589c53 The Dollar Store Saved Us for 05/07/2018 Mon, 07 May 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>In the city where I live, we have 88,000 people, 17 dollar stores and a Walmart.</p> <p>This why North Korea backed down.<p>Updated: Mon May 07, 2018</p> 26b7bae519e543d6b4f2131576b053d1 I'm a Protected Species for 04/30/2018 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I'm 60. I'll be 61 next month. If life is a 9-5 shift at work, I've just returned from my 3 p.m. coffee break. I'll be getting off work soon. Because I personally have always envisioned death as an endless fifth grade snow day, I'm fine with the approaching end of my shift.</p> <p>Still, there's mighty little to celebrate about advancing age, and if age has brought me any wisdom, you wouldn't know it to look at the $40 credit card receipt from my last visit to a bar. When did mediocre Irish whiskey start selling for $6.25 a shot? Death will solve that, too, since one of my old French-Canadian uncles once told me whiskey is free in heaven.<p>Updated: Mon Apr 30, 2018</p> 24f04eaabf692bb3a228b4abad0369ba So You Wanna Be a 'Journalist'? for 04/23/2018 Mon, 23 Apr 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p></p><p>Sean Hannity and Alex Jones, two men who pick at American journalism the way small birds peck at the carcass of a pig, are both in legal trouble.<p>Updated: Mon Apr 23, 2018</p> 1fab72347c3a5118680db04c32f561b0 I Ain't Did Nothin' for 04/16/2018 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>President Donald Trump, a pus-filled boil on the American backside, could learn what to expect from a long ago friend of mine who made his living as a professional criminal.</p> <p>"You can do crimes for 10 years, and you never get arrested," he said. "You get arrested once, you get arrested every 23 months for the rest of your life."<p>Updated: Mon Apr 16, 2018</p> 6ce5904bb40f9ee0eaab4f06fdcb988d I Was Right About Trump's Wall for 04/09/2018 Mon, 09 Apr 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I remember my bartender father coming home with scraped knuckles.</p> <p>"I could tell when the guy walked in there was something wrong with him," Pop said as my mother poured Mercurochrome into the small abrasions, the results of breaking up a fight and having to hit the guy who looked like something was wrong with him.<p>Updated: Mon Apr 09, 2018</p> 4bfe02e125d11e3f8eb47782059eeb2d Get the Chicken, It's Good: The Death of Alton Sterling for 04/02/2018 Mon, 02 Apr 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Down in Louisiana, where the alligators grow fat and the politicians aren't far behind, where, in some communities, generations of semiliterate people have lived knee-deep in the toxic sewer of the oil industry, the cops shot Alton Sterling in 2016. Recently, the last door closed on Sterling. There will be no charges filed against the officers.</p> <p>Alton Sterling is a golfer's name.<p>Updated: Mon Apr 02, 2018</p> ae90169096dff0923ffb272f3262f40b Cigarettes and Coffee for 03/26/2018 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Back in 2006, President Donald J. Trump is supposed to have played a brief game of bump and shove with a porn star named after a bottle of whiskey.</p> <p>Trump met Ms. Stormy Daniels, the star of "Sex Door Neighbors," when she was appearing with Trump at a celebrity golf tournament, an event that can best be described as "money porn." Trump finished behind most of the other players. In fact, Trump as beaten by former Vice President Dan Quayle, a man most Americans couldn't pick out of a box of jelly doughnuts.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 26, 2018</p> 0f1f63f9ced0ee02e05219131a5b2c53 Revolution on My Street for 03/19/2018 Mon, 19 Mar 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I live in New England, and there was a snowstorm this week. We got 18 inches of snow, and most of us hope that's it for the year. During the storm before that, we got 17 inches, and the people on my street didn't think the city did a very good job of plowing. It seemed like it took them an awfully long time to get the street down to bare pavement.</p> <p>And we know how plow drivers are. They're government employees who have bloated paychecks and health care that they shouldn't have because we don't. They all have lifetime jobs and they spend most of their time kowtowing to union bosses.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 19, 2018</p> 26a658a31c174393df3358bfbfd25c44 Secret Ballot for 03/12/2018 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Here's a little story from the 1960s.</p> <p>My parents were ordinary working people. They went to Mass every week. They voted in every election. My father was a World War II combat veteran. My mother had worked in a defense plant, making rubber seals for gas masks on the second shift. Neither one was a college graduate. My father was the child of immigrants. My mother worked in banks. My father began as a bartender, but worked his way into midlevel management at a sporting goods company. We never owned a new car. Neither one of them was ever arrested. They stayed married until my father died.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 12, 2018</p> f7d61e832e2b074ee127e6034afe3a10 A Few Notes for a New National Anthem for 03/05/2018 Mon, 05 Mar 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>"Oh, say can you see the holster on me?</p> <p>I have fed it my vote and the lives of my children."<p>Updated: Mon Mar 05, 2018</p> 70cb9de98f98af6e066e6ed932e18a56 Dressing for Disaster for 02/26/2018 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>The worse the country gets, the better I dress.</p> <p>I grew up in a series of working-class communities from Massachusetts to Missouri, places not carefully chosen by my parents, who moved wherever and whenever my father's job required. The towns were pretty much all the same, although the availability of fresh fish varied greatly from place to place.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 26, 2018</p> b37b512662ceb014c1d1fe3c6b634412 In Praise of Pedophiles for 02/19/2018 Mon, 19 Feb 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p>In the first place, anti-pedophile laws don't work.</p> <p>Pedophiles want to have sexual contact with children, and no law makes them stop. Arrest them, jail them, makes no difference. They get out of jail eventually and, when they do, they usually go looking for a kid.</p> <p>We make them register, but registering pedophiles doesn't work. They molest children anyway. We make them stay away from schools, but they molest children anyway.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 19, 2018</p> 45bd54e6bd9f48327b39a6c08eb9d529 Trumpana Republic for 02/12/2018 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>America still has the Army.</p> <p>Oh, yeah. We can't stop our people, many of them veterans, from shooting poison into their veins. We can't promise the returning vet a union job that pays a living wage. We can't stop the rich from eating us. We still defend slavery, some of us. We argue that groping women is natural. We've got religious kook-a-boos edging their way into the national dialogue. We've got Nazis in the streets and riots in the cities. We elect fools.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 12, 2018</p> 023a329aa33c0b602f63ccfa83a08869 No Reason to Suspect Foul Play for 02/05/2018 Mon, 05 Feb 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>They found her near the river, on the weedy bank. The river is paved over for most of its length, but it rises in a couple spots, and one of them is near the interstate, in back of a now-abandoned Sam's Club. The river powered the first cotton mills in the city where I live, but electricity came along, and they gave the river a layoff notice, and then buried it, a fate common to working people and working rivers.</p> <p>Ducks use that little bit of still water, and swans. I drive by that spot on my way to the bank, and I used to pull my truck into the parking lot and get out with a camera in my hand because I wanted a picture of the ducks and the swans.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 05, 2018</p> a2682cb1c3fcec05c3107f7100abb489 Yankee Doodle for 01/29/2018 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I am a REAL American.</p> <p>Whew! Glad we got that out of the way. For a minute there, I thought I might be considered disloyal. You can't go to jail for that yet, but you will.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 29, 2018</p> 1cec898fd4497231435de90889795a3e How Tall Is the President? for 01/22/2018 Mon, 22 Jan 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I'm 6 feet tall, or I was.</p> <p>Two years ago, when I was 58, I switched doctors. The new doctor weighed me and checked my height. I asked her how tall I was, and she said I was 5 foot 11 and enough change left over to buy a bag of potato chips from the office vending machine. I was unprepared. I'd been 6 feet tall since I was 16, and I liked saying I was 6 feet tall. It's a manly height, but not freakish.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 22, 2018</p> edf8e477ea3dbb72c9d8a64c4ffa5f25 Trump's Greatest Generation for 01/15/2018 Mon, 15 Jan 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I believe the newspaper columnist's job is to take a step to the side, to take a look at things from an angle, to maybe even sneak around behind an issue and get a look at it from the back.</p> <p>In that spirit, what if the election of Pres. Donald Trump is the best thing that ever happened to America?<p>Updated: Mon Jan 15, 2018</p> b2e9659fdd75c3910d9ab9a87e0e0739 Trust and Verification for 01/08/2018 Mon, 08 Jan 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I start the column and I date it "2018," here in the small spare bedroom of a second-floor apartment in a 125-year-old house.</p> <p>There's a snowstorm trembling in the air tonight. It hasn't started yet, and isn't supposed to start until about 4 a.m. It's 8 p.m. now, but you can taste the snow in the air. You smell rain coming, but you taste snow, like an ice-cold knife blade on your tongue.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 08, 2018</p>