Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Fri, 24 Mar 2017 12:56:38 -0700 Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate 702fa9c812afe804a029c3fe468d6f9f Coat and Tie Required for 03/27/2017 Mon, 27 Mar 2017 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I'm a newspaper columnist. I write this column, but I'm also the columnist for The Herald News, a midsized daily in Massachusetts. I write two columns a week for The Herald News, sometimes three, and I've been doing that work for 25 years.</p> <p>I work in a 130-year-old brick building, on the second floor, in a brutally lit, sparsely furnished newsroom where I am 20 years older than nearly everyone.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 27, 2017</p> f6fee4eb0e6919488b0c34f82c0a69eb A Rule for Reporters for 03/20/2017 Mon, 20 Mar 2017 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Here is the rule for reporters in as short a form as I can provide.</p> <p>If the focus of your reporting is to "catch" a politician doing something wrong because you don't like him or her, or because embarrassing politicians makes you feel important, sooner or later, you will write something stupid. <p>Updated: Mon Mar 20, 2017</p> b1170f641615bc850153e233ea03b586 A Bowl of Stew for 03/13/2017 Mon, 13 Mar 2017 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I had a bowl of stew for dinner tonight. It was the old-fashioned kind of stew. Meat. Potatoes. Carrots. Onions. Mushrooms. My wife made it in the crockpot.</p> <p>My mother never used mushrooms in her stew. She did, however, throw in a handful of frozen green peas at the end of the cooking.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 13, 2017</p> 1c168a015a745b9fb07001a13fb9ab47 Democat? Republicat? for 03/06/2017 Mon, 06 Mar 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I've been trying to figure out which political party claims the loyalty of our two cats. Don't judge. I'm a 59-year-old reporter who gets very tired after work, so I don't go out much anymore. After work, I go home and the cats and I stare at each other. Once everyone is satisfied that no one is going to anything cute, we all have a little something to eat and lie down for a while.</p> <p>Here's the litter box scoop.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 06, 2017</p> 12aef504346da6c3e5f5fc550478bdc2 I'm an Enemy of the People for 02/27/2017 Mon, 27 Feb 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I'm too young to have been a big fan of what they used to call "protest music." By the time I was in high school, there was a lot more disco than there was discontent.</p> <p>Of course, back then, you could still get unionized factory work, so it was pretty easy to sing, "I will survive," or even "Ring my bell." My high school graduate father had a pretty good job, so he was able to help me help myself through college and I was able to work my own way through graduate school.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 27, 2017</p> 56cc6b9766a5cb3640b5b4dd8b7941d9 First Date With Russia for 02/20/2017 Mon, 20 Feb 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>America, having spent Valentine's Day 2016 alone, was searching for a soulmate.</p> <p>America's been talking to Russia online, exchanging emails, keeping things on the down low, and it's been looking pretty good. Russia is manly. Russia is strong. Russia has plans for global expansion. We heard Russia beat up the Crimea, and it made us America hot.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 20, 2017</p> e837cf5a3a045e80e111a45cec48696a Donald Trump's Ghost Dance for 02/13/2017 Mon, 13 Feb 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>In 1890, in the American West, out there where the streams are fast and clear and the rivers are slow and muddy, a Native American named Wovoka started preaching the Ghost Dance.</p> <p>It wasn't a good time to be Native American, as it hasn't been since. The buffalo were gone. Ravaged by disease, hungry, drunk and preyed upon, the remainder of the people squatted forlornly on pieces of land the white people didn't need for a pipeline yet. There was no longer any way to live the way they used to live just a generation ago. In this manner, they were much like people in the Midwest whose fathers worked in the auto plant, but the plant's gone, so they clerk at the 7-Eleven.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 13, 2017</p> d0a7aa8948a8a61ee28819c1831d4b8f It's Real People Now for 02/06/2017 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I know a guy. I don't know how he votes because I was raised not to ask, but I know he is the first generation of his family to be born an American citizen.</p> <p>From time to time, we go out for a beer, but never more than two or three because he is married with a six-month-old daughter, and I am tremendously afraid of displeasing my wife. By the time he is over 50, any man who wants at least one crying woman at his funeral ought to be afraid of displeasing his wife.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 06, 2017</p> 09d24765d4bcb3edda7fa3861780dbc0 He Was So Tough, I Thought He Was a Hipster for 01/30/2017 Mon, 30 Jan 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>"He was so tough, I thought he was a hipster."</p> <p>Yeah, you don't hear that much, the general rap on hipsters being that they'd rather oil their beards than bite off your ear in a bar fight.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 30, 2017</p> d6770a719cbf31ac8d967af182b4f219 Trump's Turn to Write the Check for 01/23/2017 Mon, 23 Jan 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>To get it out of the way, I live in a poverty stricken midsized city in Massachusetts. We used to have a textile and garment industry, and now we do not. We're a heroin overdose city, a wear-pajama-pants-to-Wal-Mart city. State and federal money props up our schools, our police force and our fire department. About 75 percent of kids in local schools get lunch for free.</p> <p>We're classic Donald Trump country, and he won the Republican primary, all right, but the Republican primary doesn't mean much to us. In the end, the city voted for Hillary Clinton.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 23, 2017</p> bb1030ea38e57ca4397c58afc7a82590 White Empire for 01/16/2017 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>The Russians, and I don't mean the ones from the "stan" countries, are white.</p> <p>They're not just "courtesy white," either, you know, like Jews or Greeks. They're very white, like Polish people are white, like the bad guys in "Deliverance" were white, like Vanilla Ice is white. They're like us, I mean, they're like me. They're white and they get bad sunburns.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 16, 2017</p> 43925104ec93d0afb232eff1d5bb9c1c No Socks, No Class for 01/09/2017 Mon, 09 Jan 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p>Joseph "Joey No Socks" Cinque is at best a lower-level mob associate, although someone thought he was important enough to shoot in 1980. And, of course, Joey No Socks was invited to Embarrassment-Elect Donald Trump's New Year's Eve party.</p> <p>Why?</p> <p>Because once you've installed golden toilets in your house and married an immigrant who lets people take naked pictures of her for money, the next logical step is to invite a cheap little thief to your New Year's Eve party. Donald Trump's unerring instinct for sleaze is amazing, as highly developed as a hunting dog's delicate nose. If it's greasy and covered in either vomit or gold, Trump grabs it like it's the tender parts of a woman he's just met.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 09, 2017</p> fe48d1c5e74e1fd3add5d2ef5f3e2264 Trump's World! Excellent! Party On! for 01/02/2017 Mon, 02 Jan 2017 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>So, Donald Trump, who's, like, leader of the free world and stuff, goes on Twitter and says, in part, "Thought it was going to be a smooth transition &#8212; NOT!"</p> <p>Pure "Wayne's World."<p>Updated: Mon Jan 02, 2017</p> 5dc4a813071fcdf5a078a32d556fea32 Alt-rightnik for 12/26/2016 Mon, 26 Dec 2016 00:00:00 -0800 <p>There is a word, a word in Yiddish, the kind of Yiddish we speak in America, and the word is "alrightnik." An alrightnik is a person who's done well for him/herself, made some money, but is still a crude, ill-mannered slob.</p> <p>Since language is always on the move, I put my head to what's going on in America and decided to change that word a little, to make it "alt-rightnik."</p> <p>The alt-right is what you call Nazis today. You don't call them "Nazis" because you're talking about people who live in the suburbs, people who drive SUVs, people whose kids dance in "The Nutcracker" every Christmas season. They know the difference between merlot and pinot noir. They don't live in rental property.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 26, 2016</p> 2154b209b1377854989eb6af9a5d2f10 The Gift Returned for 12/19/2016 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>You know why I dislike Donald Trump?</p> <p>Because I can remember American poet Robert Frost reciting his poetry at the inauguration of President John F. Kennedy.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 19, 2016</p> 4484da25cdb5a2cc288d92b66d5275ab Oh, Christmas Sweater for 12/12/2016 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I'm a newspaper reporter. I'm 59 years old. I wear a lot of tweed. I swear. I can't count how many house fires, stabbings and shootings I've covered. I'm six feet tall and covered with hair. I smoke, either a pipe or cigars. I drink my whiskey straight and my coffee black. I used to box a little. I'm a fairly good shot. I often refer to the younger reporters as "kid."</p> <p>In short, I'm nobody's daffodil.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 12, 2016</p> 6c74b42a2ba3d7e66be9ddfad7a0a99d Let's Punish Some People For Flying the Flag for 12/05/2016 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p></p><p>You have a constitutional right to burn the American flag, just like you have a constitutional right to bear arms.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 05, 2016</p> 4de7a970cd50338fc8a086ee54cd8307 Leonard Cohen and Donald Trump for 11/21/2016 Mon, 21 Nov 2016 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Most American newspapers, especially the influential ones, wrote more words about the death of singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen than their readers wanted to (or did) read.</p> <p>Why?<p>Updated: Mon Nov 21, 2016</p> 177b22778bf36994f68bc65283fc8016 Waiting for the Leader for 11/14/2016 Mon, 14 Nov 2016 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>The following Marc Dion column was originally released in August 2015. Because of the results of the election, we are releasing it again. Thank you. </p> <p><p>Updated: Mon Nov 14, 2016</p> 6ed919ed30d5fd7a1d76cc9f918445b7 One Wall Is Not Enough! for 11/07/2016 Mon, 07 Nov 2016 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Senor Trump, he's gonna build a wall to keep Carlos and the boys in Mexico, and then native-born Americans can all get jobs on the third shift at the chicken de-boning plant.</p> <p>Don't expect more than the minimum wage though. The boys in charge may want to make America great again, but they're not stupid enough to pay hillbillies like us more than $10 an hour.<p>Updated: Mon Nov 07, 2016</p>