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Marc Dion
Marc Dion
15 Sep 2014
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Freak Job Patriots


Here's a message for people who collect guns: Collect something else.

I collect pipes. I've got 103 of them, and I smoke them all. My wife collects teacups. You can kill someone with either a pipe or a teacup but it takes a lot of work, and you invariably break your collectible pipe/teacup in the process.

And before you start writing your intense, patriotic hate letter, let me point out that I used to hunt, I've owned guns and I was a reasonably good shot.

Why should you collect something besides guns?

Because, frankly, it makes you look like a freak job. You live in a suburb that's so peaceful you can't rustle up a fight in the bar down at the Applebee's and you, ya camo-wearing nut, you got six pistols, three shotguns, four rifles and two machine guns.

And you won't shut up about it, either.

I'm walking down the street with you and I see a bird on a telephone pole, maybe two blocks down.

"Is that a crow?" I ask.

"I don't know," you say, going all squinty-eyed. "I'll tell you one thing though, if I had my AR-15, I could blow it to hell, and you could get a real good look."

Freak job.

And, Jesus, would you stop defending our ownership of 19 guns with a copy of the Constitution.

The other day, a heavily armed acquaintance told me he never goes anywhere without his pocket-sized copy of the Constitution so he can, "beat the liberals with facts."

Let me tell you something, if you carry a copy of the same book with you every day, and it's the only book you read, and you quote it to people so you can beat them in arguments, you're a freak job.

I don't care if that book is he Holy Bible, the Quran, the Constitution, an auto parts catalogue or the poetry of Maya Angelou.

And it's not like I don't want you to read. Hell, no. I want you to read. I want you to read three or four books, a dozen, several hundred books. Can you tell I collect books, too?

And don't go on about how you're fully skilled in the art of killing people because you took a class in handgun self-defense.

I've been a reporter for 31 years and I can tell you for free that it takes zero skill to kill someone with a gun. In my years as a reporter, most of the gun killing I've seen has been done by people who were drunk/high/stupid/deranged or shaking all over from withdrawal. Do guns kill people? Argue all you want but one thing is certain, untrained idiots who have never taken a class in their lives kill people with guns and they do a damn fine job of it, too.

Look, I don't want to take away your guns. What I want you to do is not buy 47 guns. And please, stop thinking that gun ownership is patriotism. You can't buy love of country. You can buy a gun. And nothing you buy with money is ever as good as what you grow in your heart.

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Dion's book of Pulitzer Prize-nominated column, "Between Wealth and Welfare: A Liberal Curmudgeon in America," is available for Nook and Kindle.



7 Comments | Post Comment
That's nice, paint a caricature and then comment on the exaggerated features. I admit that there are a few idiots walking around with shotguns to grab attention and headlines, but most folks just keep to themselves. I have never met anyone like those described on this page. It is another case of liberals not listening to the arguments presented by conservatives. (don't listen to the republican party, no one does or should)

Freak jobs? You got plenty on the left; squatting, peeing, raping, disorderly, pushy, shovey, lazy, over impassioned OWS freaks. (how's that for caricature?) They're gone now, but don't forget how the left lauded them, praised them, and didn't help clean up after them. Freaks jobs.

Freaks who would ban words like "bossy", or phrases such as "throws like a girl". Freak jobs of the left.

Freak jobs who look at the history of the 20th century and decide Socialism is worth another try. Freak jobs who have decided that Israel is the problem, possibly inhabited by people evil, vile , the devil. We got one of those freaks on these pages, he loves you, belongs to you. Freak job.

You got freak jobs who jump in with two mouths if an accident happens at a gun range but insist that 700,000 abortions in a half year is a good thing for American society and reproductive rights. Safe, legal, constant. Freak jobs.

We got freak jobs telling us the the Islamic State is not Islamist. Freak jobs.

We got freak jobs controlling (?) a senate that never passes a budget anymore, but spends time blasting private citizens and dreaming up ways to change the first amendment. Freak jobs.

Look, don't lie, you do want to take people's guns. Guns pose a threat to tyranny and if there is one thing the left is freakin' all for it is tyranny. Don't drink this, don't eat that. Don't say this, don't do that. Don't believe this, believe what you are told to believe. Your health care policy? Garbage, buy what we tell you to buy. Chicago is perfectly safe, you don't need to defend yourself. WE'LL DO IT. Lying freak jobs.

Free speech zones on most university campi? Freak jobs shutting up people and behaving righteous about it. Freak jobs.

You'll take away the right to free speech, you sure as hell will take away guns. Don't lie about it, you sound like some freak job.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Tom
Fri Sep 19, 2014 10:46 AM
Comment: #2
Posted by: Tom
Fri Sep 19, 2014 12:24 PM
Real, not fake, freak jobs from the left:

Nidal Hasan, Fort Hood shooter, registered democrat

Aaron Alexis, Navy yard shooter, voted for Obama

Seung Hui Cho, Virginia Tech shooter, registered democrat

James Holmes, Colorado Dark Knight shooter, registered democrat

Amy Bishop, Alabama killer, Obama supporter

Andrew Stack, flew plane into IRS building, leftist democrat

Jared Loughner, Tucson shooter, leftist, Marxist

Bill Ayers, weather underground bomber, leftist democrat

Lee Oswald, you know, democrat

Real killers are much scarier than imagined caricatures. It occurs to me that maybe the only gun laws we need would keep instrument of killing out of the hands of leftist democrats. Too many real freak jobs over there.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Tom
Fri Sep 19, 2014 12:49 PM
Re: Tom;... How many bank frauds are democrats? I know there is a risk in this question. To be a good fraud you have to appear as all men to all people. There is also a bit of risk in the fact that so few frauds have been convicted compared to the S and L meldown a few years ago that no representative sample can be determined.
Yes; while I have owned guns for many years it is hardly a collection. I just bought my wife a five shot, 38 cal, revolver. A sweet piece, and a real man killer. She has not got around to shooting it yet, but I hope she likes it. Here is my point for you to consider. The society is not working, and in the end, that means the police and system of laws is not working either. The police do well at protecting the rich from everyone but each other. And there are more private police than public police even while the public police are devoted to the protection of the rich. Meanwhile, the people who most need protection must supply their own, and in fact, their defense is ultimately, and really, their own obligation, and even the laws, when they work- are written to protect the population rather than one class only. But consider the whole reality of law, its milieu, and context.
We know democrats are disaffected, and frustrated, and are no part generally of the winning class, party, or people. If we look on the other hand at what is legal, you can see much that is immoral. And no one could take even the ten commandments and make them law, and they are only a short list of immoralities. This would be impossible because of the psychological aspects of the ten commandments. You can convict some one of perjury, but not of coveting because who knows what some one is coveting. The psycholgical aspects of the relationship between God and man is what Jesus brought before our eyes, but if you look, even the primitives who first heard the ten commandments had some understanding that sin began in the mind of the sinner. And then if you look at our law that rewards sin, rewards covetousness, and so encourages immorality on every score; you must wonder what defense has anyone other than from God and a gun in a steady hand.
Peace has the primary place in our law going back to Cannon Law. There is a philosophical defense offered from various periods for the mastery of the intellegent over the brutes by each of the three major western religions. Among the Muslims, at least, there is an absolute right to Justice, though among us, peace must first be achieved before the pursuit of Justice will begin. If your whole society turns a blind eye to immorality; how much effort will be put into achieving Justice?
It is a primitive world in which each person must look to their own defense. The social contract upon which universal law is based which is ultimately the basis for all nation states, is the giving up of weapons and the immediate pursuit of justice to have peace, and justice through law. If law, the economy, the government, and religion are resulting in an anti-social retrograde progess where we must each concern ourselves with our own defense, then the whole notion of an American Nation State is false. Far more people are robbed by the bank than ever rob a bank. People are not robbed at gun point as much as they are robbed in the work place. Such robbery would not be possible if our morality were not in every sense of the word- defective.
I know some gun collecters. One literally has thousands of rounds for just one type of rifle, the M1. While I agree with the desire, and some times the necessity of personal protection, we have to bear in mind that most of what people are killed over can be easily replaced, and society could help people to get whole. Here is the problem as I see it. Guns are a hazzard to others, and dangerous to own. Psychologically, the collection of guns does not happen without some paranoia, and without some long term contemplation of death which is enemy to us all. Who has the time in life to devote to death? We can look to death as a solution, but when the problem is social immorality, how many must die, and how many more die after them while the solution of social morality is ignored?
These gun nuts are not the problem, but they are symptomatic of the problem which is a denial of the life and meaning of society that is of a general denial of morality. Morality is community, but all morality is life affirming. I am not saying that gun nuts are immoral, but no one can consider the death these death tools produce without horror- without first being moral. And how is morality possible for the individual when law and economy and church defend any death growing out of their embrace of immorality?
Comment: #4
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Sun Sep 21, 2014 7:00 AM
Re: Tom... In that point in the French revolution when the government was meeting in a tennis court, from the perspective of the podium, the more liberal people aligned themselve on the left while the more reactionary joined on the right. From their own perspective it is certain that each side was sitting on the right, defending right, and entirely right. You might note that in French as well as in German, that Right is synonymous with law, and law with government. From an ideological point of view, there is nothing to see. These moral forms are not physical, not possibly classified by size, weight, direction, color, scent, or anything. Until moral forms become social forms in the same sense that the idea of justice becomes law at some point, it has no reality at all. Too many freak jobs over there is an example of stupid talk leading to stupid thought and back again. Try to look at the situation and the people as unreal enough without dragging more unreality before us for consideration. As the thief said to Jesus in the famous song: Let us not talk falsely now, the hour is growing late.
We are all on the clock here, and there is no true difference between right and left, but only superficialities those people who want to exploit us both seek to use. I am not telling you what to think, but only how to think, and you can tell that those people who signed the Declaration of Independence by their use of the term "Form" were sure of the philosophy behind the word. Think of what a fizzle these revolutionaries would have made without some philosophical and historical perspective. We need great change. All of us need change. We cannot have that change over the dead bodies of the other people in the room. We need to learn to compromise with, and understand each other enough to make great change possible. And I do not expect it will be easy. The big money is betting on miscommunication and distrust.
Comment: #5
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Sun Sep 21, 2014 7:23 AM
These recipients of Obama's bailout money rank among his top 20 donors to the 2008 Obama campaign:

Goldman Sachs $955,473

Citigroup $653,468

JP Morgan & Chase $646,058

Morgan Stanley $485,823

So now we know that democrats murder at a higher rate and buy influence at a higher rate.

There's your stinkin' morality as practiced by the freak job left.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Tom
Sun Sep 21, 2014 10:25 AM
Sweeney, you could have found this information with one click of the mouse. I suppose a strange immorality blocked your curiosity. I am not saying republicans are good, but I do not want to hear about the supposed high morals of the left. Both sides stink, the left is just more deft at reeling in suckers and freak jobs.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Tom
Sun Sep 21, 2014 10:40 AM
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