opinion web
Conservative Opinion General Opinion
Lenore Skenazy
Lenore Skenazy
19 Feb 2015
Age Is Nothing to Sniff At

Don't touch that Botox! Slap down that scalpel! Grapefruit is on the way! Yes, this just in: Women who smell … Read More.

12 Feb 2015
Kale and Farewell

I have met the future, and her name is Lucie Greene. She's the worldwide head of a group called JWTIntelligence,… Read More.

5 Feb 2015
Tapping a Helmet Is Not Sexual Harassment

Canada's National Post reports that the Toronto Leaside Girls Hockey Association has instructed its coaches: … Read More.

Knife to Meet You!


Item: "A security screener at Newark Liberty International Airport failed to spot a butcher knife in a passenger's pocketbook. ... Katrina Bell, 27, had put the knife in her bag 'just in case' before going on a blind date earlier that week."

"OK, so we'll meet at T.G.I. Friday's after work. I'll be wearing a brown sports jacket and carrying a leather briefcase."

"I'll be in a plaid skirt and carrying a butcher knife. See you then!"

I suspect this is not precisely how the pre-date conversation went. Yet when you think about it, since when do men and women ever admit what they're carrying to a first date?

"I'll be the one in a tan suit with a condom in my wallet."

"I'll be the one in a miniskirt with a picture of my ex with his eyes scratched out tucked into my bra."

There was a time — before mine — when mothers instructed their dating daughters only to bring along "mad money," cash for a cab in case they had to hurry home in a huff. I personally came of dating age in the somewhat more hard-edged '80s. My self-defense teacher instructed us to keep our keys handy as a weapon. (Yes, I arrived in New York and immediately enrolled in self-defense. That's what you did back then — when you should have been investing in Brooklyn real estate.) Clench the keys between the fingers of your fist, she demonstrated cheerfully, and you're ready to jab the sensitive parts of your date or mugger, whoever annoys you more.

Married soon after — with nary a jab at anyone's privates — I apparently missed the escalating eras in which young women started packing household items that double as weapons.

"Let's see. I've got my mascara, my cellphone, my brass doorknob..." And now we have reached the era of casually tucking in honest-to-goodness murder implements.

What goes through a woman's mind before such a date?

"Ooh, I hope he likes me! I hope he doesn't think I'm too fat. Or giggly! I hope I don't have to stab him. I hope he likes sushi!"

And after?

"How was your date, Katrina?"

"Well, I didn't have to use the you-know-what even once, so I think it went pretty well. Next time I'm only going to pack a grapefruit spoon."

The airport screener who missed the lethal weapon said, in his defense, that the woman's pocketbook had been cluttered, making the knife difficult to detect.

If that's the case, I could teach a sold-out class at Islamic State Night School: "OK, first you gotta put in your Kleenex, book, banana, credit cards and a scarf, in case it gets cold, and an extra pair of socks, of course, and the hand-held nuke, yup, squish it right in there next to the Pez dispenser. And then you need a compact umbrella and..."

It would be impossible to find a smallish bomb in my backpack. Then again, it's also impossible to find my keys.

But back to Katrina, who, it turns out, was not charged with any crime other than making men even more nervous on blind dates. But probably better-behaved, too.

Lenore Skenazy is host of the new show "World's Worst Mom" on Discovery Life Channel. She is also a keynote speaker and author of the book and blog "Free-Range Kids." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy ( and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at



1 Comments | Post Comment
Her articles are hilarious
Comment: #1
Posted by: Chris McCoy
Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:52 PM
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right: comments policy
Lenore Skenazy
Feb. `15
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month
Authorís Podcast
Froma Harrop
Froma HarropUpdated 5 Mar 2015
Roger Simon
Roger SimonUpdated 4 Mar 2015
Marc Dion
Marc DionUpdated 2 Mar 2015

25 Feb 2007 The Soccer Moms of Sexuality

23 Dec 2007 Take That, Mr. Smug Sperm

28 Jan 2007 Homework's Supermodel Role Model