'Tween 12 and 20 by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR. WALLACE: My father is definitely an alcoholic. He continues to work only because his boss is his best friend. I even heard the boss tell my dad that if he didn't cut down on his alcohol consumption, he might be forced to fire him.

The problem is that my dad won't admit he drinks too much, too often. He considers himself to be a social drinker. That's because he thinks he can control his drinking habit. The rest of our family disagrees. We constantly tell dad to lay off the alcohol, but he never does.

Please tell me the difference between an alcoholic and a social drinker. There might be one chance in a million that he's right and we're wrong. Regardless of his label, our family suffers because of his alcohol consumption. — Nameless, McComb, Miss.

NAMELESS: A "social drinker" can turn down a drink. It's that simple. If he's offered a cocktail at a party or a beer during the big game, he can say, "No, thank you," and mean it. The alcoholic will always take the drink.

Alcoholics make promises that they will stop drinking or at least cut down on the amount of alcohol they consume, but they never keep that promise.

The American Medical Association and the United States Public Health Service both say that alcoholism is an incurable disease. It's labeled a disease because alcoholism kills and is known to shorten a person's life span by 12 to 15 years without treatment. Alcoholics can stop drinking if they get help. Only rarely can they kick the habit without it.

Many alcoholics live happy, productive lives once they quit drinking. But they must remain alcohol-free.

Even after years of being off the wagon, a person can trigger the alcoholism simply by taking one drink. Alcoholics can never become social drinkers.

The alcoholic must want to be alcohol-free before he can stop drinking. Telling an alcoholic to stop drinking because he is hurting his family or jeopardizing his job is the same as telling a person with a cold that it isn't polite to cough in church.

I suggest you urge your father to check out Alcoholics Anonymous. You can find the local organization in the white pages of your phone book, under "AA" or "Alcoholics Anonymous."

I'M NOT A POSSESSION!

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and will be getting married in a few months. One of my friends had a wedding shower for me. All the females there were stunned when I announced that no one will "give me away" because I'm not a possession. Neither my father nor any other male will escort me down the aisle.

First of all, I don't need an escort because I won't be mugged walking down the aisle, nor will I get lost. Why doesn't the groom's mother "give away" her son? This is my wedding, and I'll do it my way! What do you think about that? Why must the girl be given away? — Krista, Jackson, Mich.

KRISTA: A big part of marriage is tradition, and that's why brides want to be escorted down the aisle by their father or another male family member.

It's your wedding and you are free to dispense with any tradition that causes you discomfort. Make sure Dad understands that it isn't personal!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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