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Tales From the Front

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Dear Cheryl,

When my fiance and I first began dating, we were hot for one another. I'm still hot for him, but he's turning cold. I hate to jump the gun and assume he's playing around, but he's so disinterested in sex. I'm no nympho, but ...

I'm 30; he's 27. You'd think he'd be at the peak of his prime, but he acts like an old man! I understand he has to wake up at 4 a.m. for work, but he can stay out until midnight with his buddies. That doesn't make sense to me! When I confront him, he says I'm "starting" with him on purpose! What could be his problem? Help me before I do something rash. — STILL HOT HE'S NOT

Dear STILL HOT HE'S NOT,

Do something rash. Give him back his ring. If you're sexually incompatible now, it's not going to get better. If you're not happy now, you'll be miserable later. Consider yourself lucky that you found out before you married him.

Dear Cheryl,

My son's father and I broke up four months ago. Since then, he's tried to be with me three times. But every time we've tried, it just didn't work. For one thing, he started seeing someone right away, and now he lives with her. The last time he approached me about us being together, it seemed to be going really good, but for some reason, he wouldn't move out of the house of the girl he's with and he wouldn't tell her how he felt about me. Needless to say, we're not together.

Our baby is my second child with a man whom I never married. I really wanted to marry this one. Every time I think I'm ready to move forward and see someone else, I shy away because I'm having a hard time getting over my feelings for my son's father.

How do I let go? — BROKEN-HEARTED

Dear BROKEN-HEARTED,

You "tried" with a man who was living with another woman? What are you, crazy? Starry-eyed schoolgirls are allowed to moon over bad boys. It's part of growing up. Women with two children by two different men, neither of whom married her, are not allowed that luxury.

It's time to grow up. It's not about you anymore. You gave up the right to obsess over bad guys the first time you gave birth. From this minute on, everything you do has to be about creating a stable home for your children.

You need more than a wake-up call. You need an alarm clock implanted in your brain to shake some sense into you. You've got to stop thinking of yourself as a booty call and a baby momma. You need to start valuing yourself. You need self-respect. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet. The last thing you need right now is another man.

Go to the library. There are dozens of books with ideas on how to develop self-esteem. You need to get your life on track. You owe it to yourself and your kids.

You're only going to find a quality guy who wants to marry you and take on the responsibility of your two children, a stand-up guy who will love you, after you learn to love yourself.

You've got a lot of hard work ahead of you, but you can do it. You have to do it if you want your life to have any meaning. Stay in touch!

Got a problem? Send it to cheryllavin@aol.com.

Cheryl Lavin may be reached at cheryllavin@aol.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.



Comments

3 Comments | Post Comment
Your advice is right on. I wish that I had told someone about my lack of a sexual relationship with the man I married before we got married. Forward 15 years, guess what, nothing has changed. I too listened to excuse after excuse about why he couldn't or wouldn't make love to me. I actually used to beg for it. I seriously hope she takes your advice into consideration, because life is too short to be lonely. T
Comment: #1
Posted by: Theresa
Fri Aug 14, 2009 7:45 AM
LW#1 - He's engaged and staying out until midnight with "buddies"? Men who are getting ready to get married don't act like that. They don't act like that at all. When they go out at night, they take their fiancee with them. Something about his behavior sounds really suspicious.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Madelyn
Fri Feb 25, 2011 7:19 AM
Right on, Cheryl! Your response to the second letter is exactly right. A man who is living with (or married to) another woman is unavailable. He will be unavailable until that relationship is officially over and they are no longer living or seeing each other.

The letter writer does not need this person in her life beyond any visitations he has with his son and she certainly needs to make sure he's financially supporting his child.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Wordsworth
Fri Oct 3, 2014 7:00 AM
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