It's Not About You or Him It's Not About You or Him Dear Cheryl, I have a problem, and I probably know exactly what you're going to say, but here I go anyway. Two and a half years ago I cheated on my boyfriend Chance with a married man I worked with. Chance and I had been …Read more. The Lasting Effects of Mumps In 1993, Dennis wrote in to tell of a vacation he took with his parents when he was a mere 5 years old. "We were in a little fishing village in Puerto Rico when I got the mumps. There was no doctor in the village, but there was a doctor that had a …Read more. Living Well Is the Best Revenge (But Knowing She's Living in a Hovel Isn't bad Either) Today we have an update on the Hank and Iris saga that began in 1987. "Iris was physically my type," says Hank. "She looked like Marlo Thomas. The only thing she didn't have on my 'perfect woman' list was a pair of D cups, which she pestered me to …Read more. Will You, Uh, Marry Me? People make such a big deal out of proposals. I've heard of "Will you marry me?" in skywriting. Rings baked into cakes. Strolling violinists. But sometimes, a simple "Waddaya think?" works just fine ... WILLIAM: I had just moved back to Chicago. My …Read more.more articles
Tales From the Front
When my fiance and I first began dating, we were hot for one another. I'm still hot for him, but he's turning cold. I hate to jump the gun and assume he's playing around, but he's so disinterested in sex. I'm no nympho, but ...
I'm 30; he's 27. You'd think he'd be at the peak of his prime, but he acts like an old man! I understand he has to wake up at 4 a.m. for work, but he can stay out until midnight with his buddies. That doesn't make sense to me! When I confront him, he says I'm "starting" with him on purpose! What could be his problem? Help me before I do something rash. — STILL HOT HE'S NOT
Dear STILL HOT HE'S NOT,
Do something rash. Give him back his ring. If you're sexually incompatible now, it's not going to get better. If you're not happy now, you'll be miserable later. Consider yourself lucky that you found out before you married him.
My son's father and I broke up four months ago. Since then, he's tried to be with me three times. But every time we've tried, it just didn't work. For one thing, he started seeing someone right away, and now he lives with her. The last time he approached me about us being together, it seemed to be going really good, but for some reason, he wouldn't move out of the house of the girl he's with and he wouldn't tell her how he felt about me. Needless to say, we're not together.
Our baby is my second child with a man whom I never married. I really wanted to marry this one. Every time I think I'm ready to move forward and see someone else, I shy away because I'm having a hard time getting over my feelings for my son's father.
You "tried" with a man who was living with another woman? What are you, crazy? Starry-eyed schoolgirls are allowed to moon over bad boys. It's part of growing up. Women with two children by two different men, neither of whom married her, are not allowed that luxury.
It's time to grow up. It's not about you anymore. You gave up the right to obsess over bad guys the first time you gave birth. From this minute on, everything you do has to be about creating a stable home for your children.
You need more than a wake-up call. You need an alarm clock implanted in your brain to shake some sense into you. You've got to stop thinking of yourself as a booty call and a baby momma. You need to start valuing yourself. You need self-respect. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet. The last thing you need right now is another man.
Go to the library. There are dozens of books with ideas on how to develop self-esteem. You need to get your life on track. You owe it to yourself and your kids.
You're only going to find a quality guy who wants to marry you and take on the responsibility of your two children, a stand-up guy who will love you, after you learn to love yourself.
You've got a lot of hard work ahead of you, but you can do it. You have to do it if you want your life to have any meaning. Stay in touch!
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Cheryl Lavin may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.
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