Different Kinds of Closets by Cheryl Lavin on Creators.com

Recently

Unconditional Love It's that Mother's Day-Father's Day time of the year, so today we salute one of each who got it right. PAM: We struggled with infertility. I was afraid to adopt because I was afraid the biological parent would take the baby away. There was a big …Read more. Did You Hear the One About How to Get a Fat Woman Into an Elevator? Grease her hips and throw in a Twinkie. Fat women are about the last group that it's OK to make fun of. As in: Q: What do Roseanne Barr and a battleship have in common? A: They both need three tugs to get into their slips. I searched the Internet to …Read more. Big Can Be Beautiful Last week we heard from Roberta. She's been fat all her life. At her heaviest, she was clinically obese at 465 pounds. Through a gastric bypass, she got down to 180 pounds. She's now about 250. But no matter her weight, Roberta always had plenty of …Read more. I'm Fat, but You're Ugly and I Can Diet Fat is a four-letter word. People who wouldn't dream of making fun of a homosexual, who would die before pointing out a person with a disability, people who consider themselves post-racist, tolerant, all-embracing, evolved and benevolent somehow …Read more.

Different Kinds of Closets

We think we live in such an open society. Same-sex marriage is legal in some states, and the Supreme Court is deciding if it should be the law of the land. Few people give a double take to two men holding hands or two women walking arm-in-arm. Many of us are related to or are friends or colleagues with gays and/or lesbians.

So it may come as a bit of a shock to know that the closet is alive and well. Today we meet Beth and Victor, who are both still in it.

BETH: I'm a 51-year-old, still-pretty, feminine woman who will never come out of the closet. The world today is much different than when I was growing up. All the girls that were out back then were very butch. I knew some "tomboys" in school, but I was never attracted to them. I'm happily married for the fourth time, but I wish the "lipstick lesbians" weren't afraid in my day.

I think I knew I was a lesbian when I was about 10 or 11. The first time I ever had an orgasm (alone), I was thinking about a girl. It terrified me! Not too long after that, an older girl with long blonde hair and big breasts, a cheerleader, slept over and asked if we could play with each other's breasts. We had sex that night and a few times after that.

I always had a boyfriend, and I was extremely attracted to some of them, and I've had affairs with women here and there. All of my husbands have known about my preferences.

I've always had a lot to drink before I told them. Men seem to get turned on by it. I don't have any children, but at this stage of my life, I'm not going to come out of the closet. I never discuss it with anyone. Ever.

VICTOR: I think even before I became a teenager I had a fetish for and a desire to wear women's clothes. I stopped wearing men's underwear decades ago, except to visit the doctor. Women's underwear, especially nylon, feels so much nicer. Fortunately my wife is very understanding and I could probably wear female attire full-time around the house. (The kids are grown up, married and have long since left the house.)

I love wearing nightgowns to bed, but I'll also wear female pajamas. My jeans are all Gloria Vanderbilt, they fit better anyway. However, very little of what I wear that is visible to the public would make me stand out.

It would be nice to go out dressed quite femininely, but it's not going to happen. I would love to go swimming in a nice, conservative, one-piece women's swimsuit or simply lay around in my back yard while dressed in such. Even wearing female gardening gloves is a turn-on.

The general public might be coming more acceptable of gay and other types of relationships, but I feel that I would be ridiculed, ostracized and probably arrested if I went out in truly feminine apparel and wasn't able to pass. I guess I'm partially in a different kind of closet, as a closet queen and prefer to stay there.

Are you in a closet, any kind of closet? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.

Comments

4 Comments | Post Comment

I'm confused - Victor, are you gay, (i.e. attracted to and having sex with MEN), or are you just a transvestite? Sounds to me like the latter: heterosexual with a fetish for women's CLOTHES! Your wife is cool with it; you're good!

Comment: #1
Posted by: VAdame
Sun Apr 28, 2013 9:30 AM

Report this post

My gay and lesbian friends don't think they live in a safe world. They think things are better than before, but still not safe. There are still crazies out there who blame them for everything from Hurricane Katrina to the recent Boston Marathon bombings.

It is unfortunate, though, that Beth has no one she can talk to. Ever. Also I have to wonder about "happily married for the fourth time." This seems like a high number. Her sexuality must have played some part in all of these marriages and divorces.

Comment: #2
Posted by: Madelyn
Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:38 AM

Report this post

@VAdame -- I had the same reaction to Victor that you did. I was expecting him to be gay, but it would appear he is heterosexual with a fetish for women's clothes. And honestly, I think if I was gay, I'd be a little perturbed for him to suggest his situation is all that similar. Look, if a man likes to wear women's clothing, that's fine by me -- but I have to say, if part of (or the whole) point of wearing women's clothing is to become aroused, then you know what? That's not something he should be doing "all the time" anyway. He says even wearing feminine gardening gloves is a turn-on. Well, then he's welcome to wear those the next time he's looking to get in the mood, but one hopes he's not looking to be sexually stimulated at all times. There are certain things that turn me on. I don't try to engage in those things all day every day -- I'd be too distracted to get anything done (and I would guess that eventually the "magic" would wear off -- and where's the fun in that?). He says his wife is fine with it, so apparently he gets ample opportunity to indulge himself in private which, last time I checked, is the appropriate place for doing things that turn you on.

@Madelyn -- And I had a similar reaction to "Beth" as you did. When one is "happily married" one doesn't wind up divorced until such time as one or both parties is no longer happy, at which point, one is no longer "happily married." On the one hand, I feel for her, since she apparently doesn't feel like she can ever (and will never) be able to just be who she is. On the other hand, I feel just as as sorry for the sundry men she has basically lied to throughout her life, and I'm not sure she's ever been totally honest with herself, either. Sounds like she is bi-sexual, not lesbian.

Honestly, it comes as NO surprise to me that there are still plenty of closeted gay men and women out there. What comes as a bigger surprise to me, to be perfectly honest, is that of all the people out there who are still in the closet, Cheryl managed to find a man who isn't actually gay, and a woman who, in all likelihood, is actually bisexual, not lesbian.

Comment: #3
Posted by: Lisa
Mon Apr 29, 2013 12:16 PM

Report this post

Agree on both counts, Lisa.

Beth is younger than I am, and yet she seems to believe there are only two options for sexual orientation--straight or gay--and that she must choose one side or the other to identify as.

Comment: #4
Posted by: hedgehog
Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:46 AM

Report this post

Already have an account? Log in.

New Account
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right:
Creators.com comments policy

Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

Recently

Different Kinds of Closets

Comments

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.