Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q: I have a 5-year-old gifted child with an IQ score of 135. Should I consider moving an hour away from her father, with his blessing, to send her to a special gifted school? It's a wonderful school, but would it hurt our children to be away from their dad? I feel that fighting with the schools where we currently are is putting more stress on us than if we were apart and the children's school was good.

A: Parents are very important to their children and, while I believe you should advocate for your children in their present school, moving away for the sake of school improvement doesn't make sense when your children are this age. If you persevere in your communication with the school and try to find a professional psychologist who knows giftedness to help you in communicating your children's needs, you may be able to make adjustments. If teachers do not differentiate curriculum, sometimes skipping a subject or grade can be effective for challenging them.

Even if your children do go to a gifted school, teachers are still the most important variable in the classroom. I expect that even at your present school, there would be some very good teachers who would recognize you children's giftedness. Also, as parents, you can provide enrichment at home and encourage your children to do independent projects that fit with what they are learning in school and enrich their lives. If you continue to find your school district inadequate, high school might be a better time to consider sending a gifted child to a specialty school.

I don't mean to say that schools aren't important. Of course they are, but they are not important enough to break your family up for the sake of finding a better school. Fathers are also crucial to children. Your long absence from your husband could break his strong parenting bond. There is much learning, motivation and fun that permit children to identify with both parents and feel interested and confident. There is also the risk that your marriage will falter if you are in different communities during the many years of you children's school lives. Instead of leaving, do everything you can to improve your school for your children and the many other children who would benefit if individual differences were provided for. You could also explore potential other schools in the area so you would not have to move, and if that too becomes an impossibility, consider a move as a whole family.

For free newsletters about how to parent so children will learn, and/or so your child is gifted, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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