Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q: We have four kids and one bathroom in our house, and it is typical to have at least two people in there at once. For instance, someone might be taking a shower while someone else is brushing her teeth. Or one kid might be on the potty and someone else runs in to grab a hairbrush. At what age should we start to enforce a little more privacy? The girls are 4, 7 and 11, and my son is 9. Not everyone wants company in the bathroom, but it's a pretty "in demand" room, if you know what I mean.

A: While sharing a crowded bathroom may feel like a "must" to your kids, you continue to have the responsibility to teach your children bathroom etiquette, so I'll provide some suggestions for family rules and responsibilities. You can discuss these with your family and after you all agree or at least, after you the parents insist, the rules can be posted on the bathroom door as a reminder. The posted rules can be briefer than those I'm describing below and will soon become habit and will no longer be necessary as reminders.

1. Girls and boys do not mix in the bathroom at your children's ages. Your son is beyond the age where he should be sharing a bath with his sisters of any age unless the kids are all wearing bathing suits. He definitely should not be brushing his teeth while they shower.

2. It's appropriate to lock doors for privacy for all children except the 4-year-old who might need assistance from either parents or older sisters (not brother).

3. If girls want to share the bathroom (as in showering and brushing teeth), it can be preplanned or it's appropriate to knock at the door first, in which case, sharing could be fine as long as they don't stay too long and monopolize the space by chatting.

4.

The family needs to come to an agreement on time allowed in the shower or bath and a kitchen timer can be readily available on the bathroom counter so kids can set it when they enter the shower and hear the ding as a reminder of time to get out. Longer baths can be allowed at low traffic times like weekend bed times. The morning is likely quite a scramble, so special arrangements for brushing teeth could be considered at the kitchen sink.

You may want to decorate your bathroom rule poster with humorous clip art of silly things like plungers, hairdryers and shampooed hair because I suspect both patience and humor are required to manage peacefully through each morning. In addition to the rules, posting bedtime and morning bathroom schedules may become necessary when the children reach the teen years and bathroom time becomes even more coveted. Establishing guidelines now is good preparation for the years to come.

For free newsletters about raising preschoolers and/or how to parent so children will learn, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope and a note identifying the topic for each newsletter to address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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