Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q. I am writing on our daughter's behalf and asking what to do about her daughter (age 4) stealing her brother's money, and more recently, her cousin's money despite my daughter's efforts to control the stealing. The amounts are just a few dollars but my daughter is troubled by the thefts.

A. (BEGIN ITALS) Taking (END ITALS) money might be a more appropriate word than (BEGIN ITALS) stealing, (END ITALS) considering we are talking about a 4-year-old. I wonder what a child that young had in mind for the use of the money because I can't imagine her going to the store to buy anything without her mother. Perhaps she enjoys the clinking of the coins, the shapes, or pretending she's a mom and going shopping. Somehow her actions must have attracted attention and she may, indeed, want attention. Perhaps minimizing the problem, telling her she mustn't take anything from her brother's room without permission, would be sufficient. If she does take things again, a time-out should be effective. It may take three or four repeated time-outs before she understands that her mother means what she says. At age 4, repetition is absolutely necessary, but there would be no reason to increase the time, or build this into a major battle. An important issue for your daughter to consider is your granddaughter's overall adjustment. If all else is going well, this petty theft is not a serious problem and will stop. However, if your granddaughter is continuously disobedient, that would be more serious.

For free newsletters about discipline or raising preschoolers, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, ask a family question or read "Raising Preschoolers" at www.sylviarimm.com.

Spelling Is Not Exciting!

Q. I'm desperate to spark self-motivation in my second grader in school. He's not motivated by making good grades. We work with him, and his exact words when studying spelling are, "I'm just not into it!" I'm worried about a slip in self-esteem leading to poor grades and unwillingness to learn.

A. There's a lot to learn in school, but few children find spelling exciting. Even reading is often not stimulating to second graders, because for many children, their skill level doesn't yet allow them to read interesting books.

Perhaps you can engage your son by reading to him beyond the level he can read himself, by doing science projects together, by making models, or by drawing artwork related to learning social studies in school. Visits to science or history museums where kids can attempt hands-on activities often encourage children's love of learning. Of course, he must learn spelling and number facts, but you may be able to make up some flash-card games to encourage him. Using stars and stickers to reward him when he's done well will encourage him more than paying attention to his complaints. You can remind him that his mom and dad were good students, so being a good student must be in his genes. Most important, let him know that the harder he works, the smarter he'll become.

As a second grader, he probably has very little homework each day. When he's finished and done a good job, perhaps he could play a game with you or his dad. Be sure to let him know that you're proud of his being a hard worker and that will go a long way in encouraging his motivation. Don't overly worry about a slip in self-esteem, or he'll sense your anxiety and feel worried too. My favorite book for encouraging children's learning is "How to Parent So Children Will Learn" (Great Potential Press, 2008).

For free newsletters about the principles of parenting or how parents should help with homework, but not too much, send a large, self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read The Principles of Parenting at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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