Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q: We are from Asuncion, Paraguay, and have read your article, "Teaching Healthy Competition," on your website. It was very interesting and helpful to us. We're doing an essay about competition in children's games. Finding information about healthy competition was hard. Luckily, we came across your website.

In order to continue our work, we would like to ask your opinion about what specific behavior a child should show if he/she is a healthy competitor.

A: Winning in competition is exhilarating and motivating, and all children should experience opportunities to win. The first and sometimes hardest job is to inspire children to enter competition. That could include sports, music, art, writing, board games or any contest where children can experience the fun of winning. It's often easier for children to be part of a team entering the competition, rather than joining on their own.

If children are too fearful of losing, you can introduce them gradually by using personal best competition, where they compare themselves to their own past performances. For example, can they run faster, swim longer, complete their addition facts more rapidly and/or accurately than they did the last time? Timers and charts help children measure and evaluate their own progress, and they become excited when they see their improvement.

A healthy competitor shows behaviors that resemble what we think of as the rules of good sportsmanship. Children make full efforts to win by practicing, not quitting and by collaborating with their team members. While they should put forth their best efforts, when they do lose, they must learn to congratulate the winners and not pout or complain.

Young children almost always struggle with losing. It's normal for them to feel disappointment, but despite their feelings, they can't lose their tempers or be disrespectful to the other team or their own teammates. The most important qualities they must learn are perseverance and resilience — not quitting, but continuing to work to develop their skills. Hopefully, they can enjoy the competition and understand that everyone wins and loses sometimes, and no matter how good or bad they are at activities, there are others that are both better and worse.

Good competitors take risks in entering areas of competition where they may not be strong, for the exercise of developing their skills. Bad competitors avoid competitions unless they feel very certain of winning, and some bad competitors give up on competition entirely. That will be a disadvantage for them when schoolwork feels more competitive to them.

In order for children to fulfill their abilities, they're likely to have to learn to function in both competitive and collaborative arenas. Learning how to compete within the security of their families, classrooms and sports facilities can help them for the remainder of their lives. In other words, learning to play in competition also helps them to cope with working in competitive environments.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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