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Cues and Coffee
DEAR SUSAN: After several years of marriage, my wife left me. I tried to save our marriage, but now I feel ready to start dating. The trouble is that for the past few years, I've had little to do with women except in business situations. So I really …Read more.
Toxic Confusion
DEAR SUSAN: Just recently, I told a female friend my true feelings about her. She said she wished I hadn't because she's seeing someone. Now I'm confused. Does she wish I didn't tell her because it could cause a problem with her current relationship …Read more.
Skin-Deep Romance
DEAR SUSAN: After a 15-year marriage, I'm dating again. The man is good-looking and sincere and has a great sense of humor. But in his youth, he was into motorcycling and drinking (he's 47), and he has tattoos that almost cover his arms. He's gentle …Read more.
Forward March!
DEAR SUSAN: I know this is the 21st century, but my roots are in the 1950s, and dating etiquette has me stymied. I just spent the weekend with a friend who is becoming more than a friend, and that's the dilemma. Distance keeps us from seeing each …Read more.
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UnstoppableSingleness is the way of life for more men and women than ever before, not only in our country, where it has gained majority status, but also worldwide. Many European countries already grant recognition of committed relationships, most with rights and privileges once reserved for marriage. Civil partnership, civil solidarity pacts, partnership rights and registered partnership — all of these titles grant legal recognition to the relationship. And many rights come along with that recognition. (France's civil solidarity pact extends legal recognition to the next of kin and grants inheritance rights. It also provides tax benefits.) So it goes, from country to country, the outcry for government-recognized marriage alternatives (and the rights that come with marriage). Every statistic in almost every country is showing an unstoppable shift toward the unmarried condition. BUT — and this is huge, so please pay attention — this trend in no way reflects less patience for others' needs and greater absorption with one's own. (!) Single life isn't synonymous with isolation. Not at all. The fact is cohabiting people are the fastest-growing segment of the population. The human need for closeness is alive and well; it simply doesn't want to be tethered by the state. The old institutions are crumbling because they haven't kept pace with the global mind shift. But this is no clarion call for free love. Morality may affirm the character of the unmarried millions (billions?) bending the world in their direction, but it is not the purpose of their quiet revolution. No, this is a tectonic shift from the stifling roles and expectations of marriage, revulsion at vestigial structures that aren't relevant in the 21st century. We are surging toward a new kind of love, fueled by friendship and respect, because lust and loneliness have proved to fizzle … with disastrous results for all of society. This sea change may be news to older generations, but the young 'uns have been weaned on personal freedom and can mentor us well in that direction. We had better listen and learn if we're to find our own love in the 21st century. Finding our own version of romantic togetherness is perhaps the greatest individual challenge of this promising new century. And, as with any force of nature, it deserves respect. Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.
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