Single File by Susan Deitz

Singleness is the way of life for more men and women than ever before, not only in our country, where it has gained majority status, but also worldwide. Many European countries already grant recognition of committed relationships, most with rights and privileges once reserved for marriage. Civil partnership, civil solidarity pacts, partnership rights and registered partnership — all of these titles grant legal recognition to the relationship. And many rights come along with that recognition. (France's civil solidarity pact extends legal recognition to the next of kin and grants inheritance rights. It also provides tax benefits.) So it goes, from country to country, the outcry for government-recognized marriage alternatives (and the rights that come with marriage). Every statistic in almost every country is showing an unstoppable shift toward the unmarried condition.

BUT — and this is huge, so please pay attention — this trend in no way reflects less patience for others' needs and greater absorption with one's own. (!) Single life isn't synonymous with isolation. Not at all. The fact is cohabiting people are the fastest-growing segment of the population. The human need for closeness is alive and well; it simply doesn't want to be tethered by the state. The old institutions are crumbling because they haven't kept pace with the global mind shift.

But this is no clarion call for free love.

The truth is being single in no way equates with amorality. The basic decency in most of us doesn't change when marriage bonds are untied. My survey (nationally representative) proved this conclusively. When asked their (ideal) preference between a lifetime love and one for each stage of their emotional development, the resounding majority (87 percent) of people preferred one lifetime love. This, despite the ending of their marriages through death or divorce. (All hail the death of the "swinging single" myth!)

Morality may affirm the character of the unmarried millions (billions?) bending the world in their direction, but it is not the purpose of their quiet revolution. No, this is a tectonic shift from the stifling roles and expectations of marriage, revulsion at vestigial structures that aren't relevant in the 21st century. We are surging toward a new kind of love, fueled by friendship and respect, because lust and loneliness have proved to fizzle … with disastrous results for all of society. This sea change may be news to older generations, but the young 'uns have been weaned on personal freedom and can mentor us well in that direction. We had better listen and learn if we're to find our own love in the 21st century.

Finding our own version of romantic togetherness is perhaps the greatest individual challenge of this promising new century. And, as with any force of nature, it deserves respect.

Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.