Video Vampire DEAR SUSAN: With a correspondence of four months and no meetings in person, your female reader needs to realize that her online correspondent doesn't enjoy anything beyond bantering with her. The person may not even be male, an adult or unmarried. …Read more. Investing Hope DEAR SUSAN: A fellow blogger was absolutely right in saying that four months is a long time to correspond via a dating site without meeting up. I suspect that the man in question is not single as he says, and perhaps he never was. People shouldn't …Read more. What Works DEAR SUSAN: Your "Single File" blog is a good thing; it lets us bounce around ideas with fellow bloggers and find our own answers. One blogger asked about the right and wrong ways to find a relationship. I think it's about trying things and learning …Read more. Nice Guys -- Yet Again DEAR SUSAN: Most men use the term "nice guy" to mean a guy who likes opening doors for you, helping you move and picking up your child from the baby sitter or a guy who likes to buy you gifts and take you on vacation. Usually, a "nice guy" is …Read more.more articles
Flip the Switch
DEAR SUSAN: A woman writes in, complaining that nobody will date her because she's fat. You advise her to lose some weight. Other people write in, complaining they find your advice insulting and offensive. If the only obstacle between a vibrant social life and true love is 100 pounds, for most people this is something that can be fixed — even if it's very difficult. Perhaps what they really want is for you to say you'll flip a switch so the men of the world will find obesity desirable in a woman. But you are not in charge of what men find attractive. The woman can either lose the extra weight or find a guy who likes fat girls. — From the "Single File" blog
DEAR BLOGGER: Ouch. That switch would make us 120-pounders gluttons, eating ourselves into desirability. But in the real world, answers/remedies are there for the taking. Whether we avail ourselves of them is up to us. Not in fate's hands and not in karma's destiny but in our own eating habits. It's very difficult to admit that the problem starts and ends with us. But once we do, we're onto something: a solution. But then comes the real toughie: We've got to change to make it work. Change ourselves, change our thought patterns, change our worldview. It's at that point that most of us — yes, including me — shiver and shake. Do we have the fortitude and the mettle to embrace change? We know what we must do. And it sounds right. It's that foot forward thing that's holding us back. You can do it, and so can I. To be continued, definitely.
DEAR SUSAN: It's really hard to analyze a relationship you're not privy to.
DEAR BLOGGER: There's a wide gap between wishing and wanting. Wishing is pure fantasy. But wanting? That's another thing entirely because it implies effort (yours). Wanting means you realize that the dream requires plenty of effort but you're determined to see it through. The sad thing about the blogger who says he wants so badly to find love is that suggestions from his well-meaning fellow bloggers are shot down (by guess who) as quickly as they find voice. He insists on being heard — loudly proclaiming his woe — but he will not listen to suggestions, much less act on them. His is a solo act, proclaiming nonstop "woe is me," but his is the only voice he will listen to. I agree with the blogger who said he should get a hobby or a dog. Everybody else is too pooped to care.
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