Go for It! DEAR SUSAN: As you know, I love your column. But I have to (respectfully) disagree with your advice to the man who is wondering whether he should attempt friendship with someone he's just met who already has a new man in her life. Susan, you assume …Read more. Love Starts With Like DEAR SUSAN: We men have learned at least one thing from the feminist: When you hear negative stereotypes about your own gender, leave quickly. I believe that one of the "types" men have had to deal with is the less-than-attractive gal who …Read more. Emotional Cheating DEAR SUSAN: I'm intrigued that other women have the same feelings I do about married men. You are so right; it's dangerous and hurtful. Yet the thought that I am attracted to such a man makes me feel guilty and bad about myself. I haven't told …Read more. The End of Love The last scene of a once-wondrous romance isn't pretty. The anguish I wouldn't wish on my very worst enemy. (Yes, I was dumped by the man who helped mightily in my career but did me dirty in the realm of love.) Replaying the old memories, it's only …Read more.more articles
DEAR SUSAN: A while ago, you asked readers how we feel about being single. Well, I know that being married doesn't solve emotional problems. For me, as a single man, marriage makes little sense. Half of current marriages will dissolve sooner or later, and too many are intact when they shouldn't be. It's very difficult (impossible for most) to stay satisfactorily married to the same person for 40 or 50 years of one's life. (Even 10 years is challenging for many!) What's the point? I look at newlyweds and feel only sorrow for the pain that's coming to the majority of them. — From the "Single File" blog
DEAR BLOGGER: You had me along on your ride for the first heartbeats, until your downbeat view of things came across as hopeless; that's when you lost a passenger. Between the two of us, it's almost a known fact (though it still lives on in the hopeful) that marriage is no panacea; and those who come to it under that illusion are doomed to be outright cynics by the end of the honeymoon. Too many of us sail into matrimony on gossamer wings, dreaming visions that cannot possibly survive the first cold wind of reality. Most of us, including me, didn't know the first thing about marriage, are not at all equipped to work things out with a partner, and turn and flee instead of standing firm and seeing things through — the gutsy way. But — listen up — everything I've seen, been privy to and personally experienced has left me firmly convinced that harmonious marriage, a true kinship of spirits, is the very best way to take this journey. That's my view of the institution we call marriage — seasoned and optimistic but only one voice in the wilderness.
DEAR SUSAN: I've been in a wheelchair for seven years, and for all that time, I've tried to find somebody to love me when I love her. The women I meet all seem to be afraid of me, so I'm ignored. What I'm trying to say is that I need somebody; I'm tired of this single life. — From the "Single File" blog
DEAR BLOGGER: Ooh, those cold showers. They make goose bumps, but they also jog the little gray cells to reach a solution (with a deep bow to Hercule Poirot). The product of those showers is not always workable, but at least it's a good start to the solution you are bound to cobble together.
Finding love is tough enough under ideal conditions (are there any?), but being in a wheelchair adds mightily to the challenge. Women are definitely intimidated when they must bend to look into a man's eyes (even if those eyes are filled with tenderness and longing, as yours are). You need an intermediary, someone to bridge those few inches so significant when woman meets man. Having a friend — preferably female and easy on the eyes — standing near you will defuse any reluctance women might have and at the same time testify to your desirability. You may be in a wheelchair, but that doesn't diminish your manly aura. No way.
My sense is that once you've bridged the space between you and womankind, once the woman is on your level (a powerful symbol), you'll handle the rest — and handle it well. There's someone very close to me who is also in a wheelchair, so I'm also very interested in navigating this distinct world. Let me know how my game plan works for you, what changes you've made in it, and your success rate; you only need one good woman to brighten your world. Keep in mind that you have more than a friend on this side of the computer. You have a comrade.
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