Augmenter or Diminisher? DEAR SUSAN: I'm writing to you because I can't understand something about my girlfriend and me, and it's getting to me. There's this girl I think I love. But my friends keep reminding me that when I'm with her, she makes me feel small, a poor excuse …Read more. Abstinence DEAR SUSAN: You seem to have strong opinions about abstinence. It's important, but does it deserve so much attention? — From the "Single File" blog DEAR BLOGGER: In a word, yes. Abstinence is in the same league as virginity (which can be …Read more. Support System DEAR SUSAN: Face it; being single is a trip. It's not necessarily exotic; it's not always fun. But when readers take your advice and strengthen their singleness with savvy people willing to supply them with the information or service they need …Read more. Expectations DEAR SUSAN: I've always been unlucky with the opposite sex. Even in a relationship that seems to be going OK, I suddenly become the enemy, and then she's out of there. All I have to remember her by are a sour stomach and an empty datebook. Am I …Read more.more articles
DEAR SUSAN: My shrink told me that I'm in a sick relationship and that I won't be healthy unless I leave it. But my girl and I have been a couple forever. She'd wither and die if I ever left; she said so. She is quite possessive, though, and won't let anyone else near us, so we have no friends, and frankly, it's a bit boring. But is it sick? — From the "Single File" blog
DEAR BLOGGER: When so-called love turns into ownership, it morphs into something else — addiction. Love addiction is an unhealthy intake of another's very being. Partners lose their identity. The world is shut out, and anyone who tries to enter the twosome is turned away. Love addiction is never fully satisfied, never completely sure of the other partner. But now that you're exposing the relationship to the sunlight of therapy, use this time for all it's worth. Imagine how nice it would be to partner with a self-confident, healthy woman who welcomes the outside world to share the love you two have nurtured, who is wise enough to befriend good people and welcome them into the healthy relationship she is building with you. Think two years into the future. Imagine how stultified your present relationship will be if this addiction is allowed to fester and deepen.
DEAR SUSAN: I'm interested in your thoughts about having a married lover. — From the "Single File" blog
DEAR BLOGGER: If ever there was a will to fail, it's falling for someone else's spouse. Yes, a married person seems to be a safety zone in the treacherous hills and valleys of single life; after all, a married person is 100 percent rejection-proof. Or so it seems. But even if someone who's hitched professes mad love for you, undying devotion till the last day, give a moment's thought to the long, lonely weekends that would go with that supposed love. Think of the furtive phone calls behind the spouse's back, which for your lover might be thrilling but for you would bring only guilt and shame. After all, you know the score; you'd be playing with someone else's trusted partner. You'd be the stealth love, the one in the shadows, invisible yet with emotional needs of your own. So much guilt, so little satisfaction. Such a high price to pay, so many emotions invested in another's legal spouse. All the while building — what? It feels exciting at first because it's forbidden, but over time, it doesn't wear well. Give yourself love that comes with a future, with at least some sense of possibility. Stay away from married love unless it's your own.
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