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Susan Deitz


Loneliness DEAR SUSAN: I am unmarried and live alone. I like my alone time, but at times, I get lonely. I've achieved "compatibility with myself" (your words), but that doesn't exclude loneliness. I would like to find someone, but that doesn't make me fearful …Read more. The Dating Difference DEAR SUSAN: Research into which gender pays for a date shows that though the man is usually expected to pay for a woman's company, the old ways are changing. More and more people are egalitarian, saying that gender should not determine who pays for …Read more. Happily Me DEAR SUSAN: I read a recent column of yours, and I must say the joy and euphoria I've felt since reading it are immeasurable! A woman who wrote to you spoke words of gold. So many friends give me the "never say never" and "you just haven't met the …Read more. Children as Connection DEAR SUSAN: At 30, I have two children, 5 and 11. My wife died five years ago, and between working and parenting, I have precious little time to meet a nice woman. I'm quiet around people I don't know well, and my friends are all married, so I don't …Read more.
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The Column


DEAR SUSAN: I don't think you're biased, and I enjoy your column. You have your opinions, but you seem willing enough to give other points of view a chance to be read in your column. You're also willing to admit to being wrong on occasion. Your view of things may not appeal to everyone, but a lot of us certainly like it. Anyone who doesn't enjoy "Single File" can refrain from reading it easily enough. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Thanks for the support, friend. This advice columnist gets pretty darn lonely here in newsprint and cyberspace, putting together thoughts and opinions designed to clear up some of life's mystery. And yes, there are queries that seem to defy solution. (For them, multiple hot showers are in order.) But then along come letters such as yours, and murky problems are all of a sudden much more solvable. For sure, not everyone will agree with the advice coming from this computer; what a dreary world this would be if all of us thought exactly alike, robotlike. No, I rather like the negative letters that pepper my incoming mail; they spur me to deeper thought and at times even challenge me to contradict myself. Those are the letters that remind me of my humanity. (No, unlike the ever-wise gods on Mount Olympus, I have limitations. And I am grateful for them!) My not-so-secret wish is that readers open their hearts and pen a few words in a letter to me.

Their privacy, as always, will be fiercely guarded.

DEAR SUSAN: I enjoy your quizzes. They stimulate me more than my crossword puzzle, and I look forward to them. How about some questions about our intimate lives? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The quizzes are a favorite of mine, too, because they are designed to clear away the murkiness that can develop around too many unanswered questions. I am grateful for the invitation into your hearts and minds. As always, your responses are held in strictest confidence. Onward:

—What do you consider to be the positive aspects of your singleness? Are you making full use of them?

—Do you have other outlets than sexual for your need to show love and affection?

—Which places have been most successful in meeting suitable partners?

—Why do you engage in sexual activity?

—As a single adult, have you had sexual relations with someone of the same gender? Describe your motivations and your feelings afterward.

—Are you now living — or have you ever lived — with someone on a long-term basis with no promise of marriage? Why does that suit you?

—Do you date/have you dated significantly (10 years or more) younger people? Would you consider that age for marriage?

—While unmarried, have you gone for longer stretches of time without sex? How long? Why?

—Have you had close relationships that could have been sexual but were not? Were you more intimate/more distant because of the asexuality?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at



1 Comments | Post Comment
Susan -- why so many questions on singleness and sex? I know that sex is hard to find, especially the kind with love and affection. It's probably not hard to find if a person settles for less and marriage doesn't guarantee sex. You make sex sound as thou going to a store and getting a lollipop.
Comment: #1
Posted by: J
Wed Apr 23, 2014 6:51 AM
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Susan Deitz
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