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Susan Deitz


Are You Angry at Men? (Part 1 of 2) DEAR SUSAN: Lately, you've been writing about women's anger toward men. It's making me wonder whether I am guilty. Sure, I've had my share of disappointments with men, but how can I tell whether I'm really a man hater? I've been wondering about this …Read more. Male-bashing DEAR SUSAN: I can't stand it. My best girlfriends are turning out to be man haters — and when we get together for some fun, the talk turns to men and what beasts they are. I don't agree, but I don't want to drop these friends. Help. — …Read more. Dating Differently DEAR SUSAN: I've been reading your column for a long time, and I like your ideas about dating. Again, say what you have to say about the ways an unmarried person should use his or her time. — From the "Single File" blog DEAR BLOGGER: It's …Read more. Treat Men More Like Women DEAR SUSAN: I've had it with men. At least my girlfriends tell me the truth and are straightforward with their actions. I swear, I don't know how to relate to the opposite sex. — From the "Single File" blog DEAR BLOGGER: Wow, do I have an …Read more.
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Are You Angry at Men? (Part 2 of 2)


DEAR READERS: As promised, here is the second batch of questions to get to the heart of the reasons you could be angry at men. Let's get to it:

—Was your father an abusive man? An alcoholic?

—Are you afraid in your heart of hearts that a nice man would reject you and so you reject all men first?

—Are you overweight to keep men away and to be sure you'll be left alone?

—Did your mother have bad experiences with men when she was young?

—Does your anger toward men scare you? Are you afraid that if released, it will drown you in its torrent?

—Do you think you are friendly toward men?

—Do you really want a good friendship with a man? Have you ever had one?

—What can you learn from your own answers here that will help you get closer to men?

—Will you talk about these questions with your friends? Soon?

Let's assume you asked yourself these questions and have discovered some residual anger. (Most women have at least a low-level amount.) Whether you think all men are insensitive brutes or whether your psyche is raw from a recent isolated incident, you would be wise to vent this anger soon.

Pent-up resentment can only delay your agenda. These are times of liberation, brimming with opportunities to get to know the other sex as fellow humans. It helps to realize that men have their issues, too. It helps to know that men:

—Are confused and tentative about what women really want.

—Are fearful of offending us and setting off a time bomb.

—Are, like us, often stuck in routine jobs with little or no fulfillment.

—Are not so linked to their feelings as women are and therefore often don't really know how to proceed in their emotional lives.

—Are reluctant to admit fears, insecurity and confusion because they regard them as signs of weakness.

—Have difficulty talking about their problems with other men.

—Still feel burdened with 100 percent of the responsibilities in marriage and in relationships. Despite all that's happened in society, men still see themselves as Atlas holding up the world. A major part of being an effective woman is carrying your own weight. (Interested in knowing more? Get Warren Farrell's book "Why Men Are the Way They Are.")

That's a lot to digest at one sitting. But it could be the germ of a really interesting (and heated) discussion — with both genders present. Think about it.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at



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Susan Deitz
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