Questionable Advice by Jessica Leigh

My wife was in the Army and served valiantly. Now that she's a veteran, she's getting counseling to work through some of the issues war causes. While I support this, it bothers me that she won't tell me about the sessions. I don't expect her to tell me everything, just whether she thinks the sessions are helping and a few tidbits they discuss. I'm sure our relationship comes up.

This is obviously a big thing in her life, and I want to be a part of it and show my support. How do I get information while also giving her the space she says she needs? — Wannabe Supportive

Listen up, Wannabe, because you're crossing a line.

Your wife's therapy in the aftermath of war is serious business. The fact that it is so hard to expose the parts of ourselves we struggle with is precisely why the therapist was extended legal rights of confidentiality.

Take you, for example, Wannabe. You are revealing a dark side of yourself to me anonymously because you don't want your friends and family to know you would trample your wife's privacy to sate your own curiosity.

Your wife needs to feel free to hash out whatever is weighing on her. If she comes to expect an inquisition after every session, it could lead to self-censorship with her therapist so she won't have to lie to you later, not to mention bitter resentment. And won't you feel like a punk for sabotaging your soldier's attempts to get better.

If you're worried about your marriage, you can broach the subject with your wife, but not in the context of her therapy.

Of course, if you really want to give your wife a reason to talk to her therapist about your relationship, just keep doing what you're doing. Otherwise, I'd suggest one of the following:

1. Show your support for her therapy by not trying to be a part of it. Eradicate the words "therapy" and "counseling" from your vocabulary, along with all of their derivatives. Do the things you normally do for fun and connection. If you notice a decline in the quality of your time together, talk about that and only that. You have a right to a satisfying marriage, but you have no right to intrude on her psychological process.

2. Get your own therapist.

Totally Unsolicited

Anne Frank was 13 and hiding from the Nazis when she wrote, "It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."

Justin Bieber was 19 and visiting the Anne Frank House when he wrote, "Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber."

The aftermath wasn't pretty, so this one's for you, Justin. Don?t let all the haters get you down — all the nonbeliebers and disbeliebers and militant anti-beliebers. Just keep on beliebing in yourself, because I truly beliebe — and I think Anne would back me up here — that someday your big head will catch up with your good heart.

Follow Jessica on Twitter @sicaleigh, and ask her just about anything at askquestionable@gmail.com. To find out more about Jessica Leigh and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers, visit creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2013 CREATORS.COM