Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John, My boyfriend "Will" and I have been dating for two years. I am 28, and he is 42. Recently he mentioned that he would like to have a child someday. I have attempted to explain that I would like to have a child with him, but that a pregnancy, engagement and marriage would have to happen before he is 45 or not at all. Will doesn't understand why the time frame is so important.

I tried to explain to him that the older he gets, the less capable he will be to do things like coach little league, play ball or go camping with our child. Also, the longer he waits, the higher the odds that I will one day raise the child on my own. I already have an 8-year-old son from a previous marriage. How can I better explain to him the importance of his age in making such a crucial decision? —Time Waits for No Man in Palm Springs, Calif.

Dear Time Waits, It is your right to feel comfortable when bringing a child into this world with the support of a father who is still young enough to share parenting responsibilities with you. In fairness to Will's age, however, success or failure as a parent has more to do with love and commitment to your child than the age in which one enters fatherhood. A dad who is 55 might indeed have a harder time playing touch football, but he is likely to be a wiser parent and more able to listen to his child than a much younger parent.

If Will stays on the fence for another three years (or more), then in reality, he wasn't ready for this awesome and wondrous commitment, let alone a lifetime relationship with you. In the meantime, his participation in your life should help him see what he is missing, and you won't have to wait too much longer. Good luck.

Dear John, My husband George and I have just one point of friction in our marriage: my career. I am a realtor, and I love my work.

He is a 25-year police veteran (captain), and I'm wondering if there is an element of control here. We have been married just 10 months (I was previously married for 28 years), and I am his second wife (he was married 20 years prior). Our relationship was founded upon friendship and mutual interests, such as fishing. In fact, we eloped during a fishing trip and were married in a city garage with no rings but plenty of bait!

I love my guy and am in love with him more than I ever dreamed possible. I will resign my career if necessary, but I'm hopeful you might help me find a compromise. —Wanting it All, in Branson, Mo.

Dear Wanting it All, Couples sometimes make big communication mistake when emotions get involved and true feelings aren't expressed. For example, his real issue may be that he feels he doesn't spend enough time with you.

Clearly a compromise has to be found. One of the best ways to start is to let him know your relationship with him is your first priority. That immediately tells him that he is not competing with your job. Next, ask him to explain his concerns about your work. After he runs through his issues, ask him to allow you to share your feelings as to why your work is important to you.

At the heart of the issue may be his desire that both your schedules be more flexible or that you devote longer periods of time to the relationship. One possible compromise might be a cap on the number of days or total hours you work each week. In this way, you'll be able to make the most of your time together, such as short getaways, or just have time to be together without phones or clients interrupting you. For finding the love of your life, these adjustments are worth the sacrifice.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.

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