Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John, "Carl" and I are a month away from finalizing our divorce. Our 4-year-old son is my only joy in life. He goes over to Carl's house and has learned about Carl's new girlfriend — someone whose existence Carl kept from me until our son spilled the beans. This divorce has been very hard on me. After all, it was Carl who wanted to end the marriage. I can't help but feel bitter over his decision to jump right into another relationship. Also, I don't want my son to suffer from this. I have tried writing Carl letters (that I did not intend to send) to "feel" out my anger and bitterness, but this is not helping me. What should I do? —Difficult Time in Davenport, Iowa

Dear Difficult Time, When you hear that Carl appears happy with someone else, of course, this becomes an additional source of pain. But don't make the mistake of comparing Carl's reaction to your own. It is the nature of many Martians to numb the painful experience of divorce by quickly entering into another relationship, though often without success. Venusians often take longer to start over because divorce raises basic issues of trust. Until they can heal those feelings, they are unlikely to start down the path of a new relationship.

In addition to writing out your feelings of anger, it is also important to journal your sadness and explore more deeply your inner fears and insecurities. By doing this, you will discover the true causes of your pain — and eventually move beyond it in order to find love and happiness again.

As for your son, he simply wants to see his mother happy. Working through this process of healing for yourself is the best thing you can do for him, as well.

Dear John, My boyfriend and I used a condom that expired in 2010, and now it's 2013. Are we in trouble? —Reasons to Worry in Cambria, Calif.

Dear Reasons to Worry, I suspect that by the time you get this answer, you will know if your expired condom failed to perform. But for future reference know this: A condom that has stayed intact has most likely done its job.

For future reference, condoms are made of many materials. For example, those made of lambskin or animal intestines may be allergy-free, but these materials are often not effective in preventing disease. Polyurethane is another alternative to latex condoms, and while they are effective against pregnancy, they are not as effective as latex in preventing disease. Edible or flavored condoms are for fun only — not disease prevention. Most importantly, certainly lubricants like KY Jelly are fine to use with a condom. Avoid Vaseline, however, because it causes condoms to be easily punctured.

If condoms are used consistently and correctly, this form of contraception has less than a 3 percent pregnancy rate.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.

COPYRIGHT 2013 CREATORS.COM