Hey, Cherie! by Cherie Bennett

Hey, Cherie!

I'm 16, and I live in Texas (don't say my town please). I've hung with girls before but haven't been serious with anyone until the girl I'm seeing now, Mira. I would hear people talk about love, but I just thought it was something I'd experience down the road, like in college. But then there it was, right under my nose.

Mira lives right down the street from me. I always thought she was cute, but we hung with different crowds, like I'm a jock and she's more of a free spirit. One day we started talking, the next thing I knew it was hours later and I felt like I had known her forever. After a while we started having sex. I only had sex with one girl before Mira, and to tell you the truth, it was at a party and I was wasted. With Mira, it's a whole other amazing experience.

Mira is much more sexually experienced than I am. She's very open and free. I'm OK with this because it doesn't matter what happened before us; we are totally committed to each other. And before you ask, we have safe sex most of the time, except sometimes we get carried away, but that's only human. She is completely uninhibited. Sometimes she sneaks into my room late at night so we can be together. Fortunately, my parent's room is on the other side of the house.

So here is why I'm writing to you. About two weeks ago, Mira came over with handcuffs and a whip she got from her sister. Mira wanted me to whip her. I didn't feel good about this because I thought it would hurt her, but she said it's just games and it shows how much she trusts me. So I did it, but to tell you the truth, I felt weird. Then she started wanting me to hit her during sex, like slap her across the face or squeeze my hands around her neck. I just couldn't do that, and she cried and said I wasn't really committed and I wouldn't explore everything with her. I just feel like a mess about this. All I think about is Mira. I can't stand being apart from her. But now when we're together in private, she wants to do these sexual things that seem more like pain than pleasure.

I feel like she's pulling away from me because I'm not passing some intimacy "test" she has in her mind. One thing is that Mira has an older sister who dropped out of school and does a lot of drugs. Recently, I saw she had a black eye and bruises on her arm. I asked Mira about it, and she said her sister's ex has "issues." I am so confused and stressed about this.

— Mad for Mira

Hey, Mad!

I have to admit that this is a question I haven't received before from a teen. The first thing that comes to mind is the Internet. Why? Because too often kids — teens — are exposed to things that they are simply too young to process or handle. Maybe Mira got these notions from her sister; maybe her sister saw it online. I've said this before: In my opinion, kids in high school are simply too young to be having sex. Period. Are there exceptions? Yep. But that doesn't mean the exception is you.

Your body is saying boy howdy , but your brain develops more slowly, and sex should be a mind/body/soul-sharing experience in the context of a committed relationship. I also got bumped by your having safe sex only "most of the time," and by you saying that Mira is very sexually experienced. That means every time you have sex with her without a condom, you put yourself at risk. Go get tested for sexually transmitted diseases — both of you — and then if your relationship continues ... no love without the glove.

Two adults in a loving, monogamous, sexual relationship may explore their sexuality together in various ways. To try and "force" that into the relationship of two teens or make it some kind of test about trust is covered with red flags. Love is not about "testing" your partner's willingness to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Tell her the truth. If she loves you, she'll support you. If her behavior is coming out of her being troubled/disturbed/in need of help, then be her friend and stand by her until she gets it.

Hey, Cherie!

This is so gross. I'm 13. My best friend is also 13. She farts all the time! In her house, everyone just lets 'er rip, and it is considered a natural bodily function and nothing to be embarrassed about. In my house, I have never ever heard either of my parents pass gas, and I would be mortified if they did. I think my friend is so gross, but I can't tell her because it will hurt her feelings. What should I do?

-Ewwww

Hey, Ewwww!

I love the easy ones. Buy her a bottle of Beano, which eliminates gas, and casually say that your parents are just so uptight about that stuff. This will make it easier. It's so great when you can blame stuff on your parents.

Cherie Bennett is a best-selling author of books and plays for teens and young adults. To find out more about Cherie Bennett and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM