Ethnically Speaking by Larry Meeks

Dear Larry: I just wanted to convey that sometimes actions we perceive as prejudice or racism are not.

I was raised by white racist parents, as was my husband. We grew up with racism, but as young adults, realized the truth. We've worked very hard to eliminate all racist tendencies or subliminal messages that could be communicated to our children. I think we've done a good job. Our children have friends of all religions and races.

One day I was shopping with my son and his girlfriend, "Amy." My son is white and Amy is biracial. Amy is dark-complexioned enough to pass for and be considered black.

My son and his girlfriend were holding hands and being romantic when I noticed two young black girls staring at them. While they were staring, they also were engaged in conversation obviously about my son and Amy.

My first thought was that it was terrible in this day and age that kids would still be subjected to stares and people not approving of interracial relationships. The staring girls approached my son and Amy and said something. All of a sudden, Amy laughed and reached up for a shirt hanging on a high rack.

It was only then that I realized that both black girls were short in stature, about 5-foot-2. Amy is a stately 5-foot-11.

Those girls were not talking about Amy being with a white man. They were wondering if Amy would help them reach something that was too high for them. It was an eye-opening experience for me.

So, my question is: If you are raised by racist parents, can you ever be truly free of those tendencies? Do you ever stop looking for it in yourself and others? Should you even try to stop looking? — Height-challenged Mom

Dear H.C.

Mom: Your letter is a perfect example of how people will see and perceive whatever they are searching for. What they are searching for is most often a result of their own stuff. I have found that people will accuse others of whatever they are most guilty of doing. In other words, liars will think others are lying, thieves will think others are robbers and racists will see nothing but racism.

To answer your question, if racist parents raised you, those words will echo in your psyche until the day you die. There is nothing that can be done to remove the thoughts instilled during your childhood.

I am sorry to say you will always be on guard for those racist tendencies in yourself and hunt for it in others. Once you have been instilled with a racist mindset, it is like a habit — if one is not careful, racism can and will gush forth.

I have found over time, the tendency will become less likely to spew out.

If one is raised by racist parents, he or she can decide to go against that parental imprinting. In the beginning, the child will have to be on constant guard not to succumb. However, the longer one practices non-racist behavior, the less likely it is that the person will see the world in a racist manner.

Said another way, one's behavior, over time, will influence beliefs.

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