Dear Margo: My best friend, who was my bridesmaid, is engaged and planning to be married in a few months. Hooray! She has asked me to be in her wedding, as well.

However, I have reason to believe that the wedding date, which has yet to be set, will be in the third trimester of my brand-new and so far unannounced pregnancy.

My question is: Do I have to offer to bow out if I'm going to be obviously pregnant? I really do want to be in her wedding. We're in our early 30s, so it's not exactly shocking. I will mention that even in late pregnancy I look cute!

What should I do? Is it only polite of me to give her the chance to un-invite me? — Pregnant Bridesmaid?

Dear Preg: Welcome to the oughties. There are now designer gowns for pregnant brides. It is very sweet and thoughtful of you to have this concern, but there is no need for trepidation.

And because you've not announced your pregnancy yet, there is no need to alert the bride — though I'm pretty sure she wouldn't un-invite you even if she knew. So by all means, be in the wedding with your bouquet in front of your baby bump. — Margo, joyously

When Granny Is Joan Crawford (on a Bad Day)

Dear Margo: My mother is a hateful and mean person. Everyone in my family over the years has ceased contact (her children, her siblings and her mother). My father divorced her long ago and is now deceased.

The subject of "Grandma" just recently came up with my three children — all under 8 — and I somehow changed the subject. In this day and age of air transportation, I don't think the "far away" response will work as the reason we don't see Granny.

I really don't want the kids to know that their maternal grandmother is in the league of Joan Crawford. Help. — Peaceful Without a Mother

Dear Peace: Because your kids are all young, when they ask why they don't see your mother, you might say that not only does she live far away, but she is not a nice person and you are happier with no communication.

You might make this a teaching experience by explaining that it is always unfortunate when this happens in families, but that's the way life is sometimes. Should they ask why she is not a nice person, answer that it is nothing you wish to discuss, but generally speaking, she reminds you of the wicked witch in fairy tales.

That ought to give them the general idea at a level they can understand. Let's hope the other granny lives close by and is wonderful. — Margo, responsively

***

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.