Dear Margo: My soon-to-be-ex-husband's behavior has me scratching my head, and I'm not sure how to respond. While we were married, he made it abundantly clear that he was not satisfied with me.

Not only were there several affairs, but he was not hesitant about pointing out every imperfection . . . my weight, my hair, even my scent was displeasing to him. I could not even tell you how many times he told me he wanted out.

Well, after 10-plus years of this, I decided that I wanted out and filed for divorce. It was the best decision I ever made, and considering our track history, I didn't expect any resistance.

Boy, was I wrong. Now he tells me that I was his world, and if we are alone together for more than five minutes, he tries to get me to have sex with him — despite the fact that he already has a new girlfriend.

If it weren't for the child we have together, I would probably just cut all ties and spare myself the stress. Do you think that as long as I stand firm he will eventually stop, or do I need to take more drastic measures? — Off Balance

Dear Off: My dear, what drastic measures do you have in mind? The guillotine is outlawed, and there are no restraining orders requiring a man to stop requesting sex or paying you compliments. This louse who spent 10 years belittling you simply wants what he can't have, and his nose is probably out of joint that it was you who decided there would be a divorce.

It is not uncommon, by the way, for separated or divorced men to want to have sex with the previous partner. (Maybe it seems like a freebie, because nothing else is involved.) He will, indeed, eventually stop as long as you stand firm. And the next time he puts the make on you, remind him that's what he has a girlfriend for. — Margo, liberatedly

When a Casual Remark Is Just That

Dear Margo: "Muriel" and I have been friends for 12 years. In that time we've done a lot together. Now we're both happily married and enjoy being together as couples — the husbands get along well, too.

One night the four of us were having dinner, and I mentioned I was taking my dog to the vet. "That vet you have a crush on?" she asked — in front of my husband! He was immediately stunned, as I was. He didn't make an issue of it, but afterward he told me he was a little hurt.

The following Monday, Muriel apologized. I told her that I was very concerned about what happened — I trusted her, and we've each made passing remarks about men. My concern is that she and I have shared many things in 12 years, and I don't think I can trust her.

I asked her to give me some time to get past this. That was a few months ago, and we haven't spoken since. My husband would like me to forgive her. He says he misses their company, and truthfully, I do, too. Should I give it another shot? I simply cannot decide. I know I could forgive and forget, but should I? — (Ex)Friend?

Dear Ex: You are making a mountain out of a Muriel, and definitely overreacting. Many women have crushes, which are perfectly normal. What would be problematic is if they acted on them. There have to be boatloads of women who swoon over, say, George Clooney (just as I did over the young Peter O'Toole), but it means zilch in terms of a woman's marriage.

Because you made such a to-do over Muriel's remark, rest assured she will weigh her words in the future, so I don't think there's any chance she will betray any real confidences. — Margo, proportionally

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.