When You Feel Like a Heifer at an Auction Dear Margo: I am 36 and attending college for the first time. It has been a wonderful experience, and because of my high GPA, I received many scholarships. One scholarship comes with an invitation to a fundraising dinner with all the local elite who …Read more. Me Tarzan, You Jane Dear Margo: I have a difficult problem I need an outsider's help with, as I wouldn't want friends or family to know. My husband is a very quiet man, and when I say quiet, I mean that he can go for days without having a conversation. It doesn't seem …Read more. You Are Cordially Invited To Stay at Home Dear Margo: I'm getting married in about six months and am working out the details. My question is: How do I not invite a relative? It's an uncle who's offended me, many of my relatives, my parents, my siblings, my grandparents and other aunts and …Read more. When a Hug Brings an Ugh I'm talking about our different ways of greeting. I mean we just bow when we greet one another. We don't hug and kiss as American and French people do. Although I myself was born in America, my parents were not, and I have grown up with their …Read more.more articles
Of Relatives and High Horses
Dear Margo: My family had another miserable Christmas dinner at my sister's house. I'm 55, and I have two brothers, two sisters and an elderly mother, 78. My elder sister insists on having holiday dinners at her house, even though she always seems miserable during the event. This sister and her husband are professionals and are the highest earners in the family. Her children ignore me and my family, as well as one of my brothers and the other sister. If they say anything, it is something rude or snarky. I am a college-educated woman with a good job. I am well-traveled. We own our own home and are financially in good shape with retirement on the horizon. We always come over well-dressed, and we're well-spoken. And we always bring something. In other words, neither we nor my other siblings have done anything to deserve the silent or rude treatment that we get.
My question is: How do we handle this situation? If it weren't for my mom, I wouldn't hesitate to simply skip these events, since we all live within 25 miles of one another and can see one another whenever we want. I don't believe that talking to my sister would be helpful since we've never been close, and she has looked down her nose at me since childhood, regardless of my accomplishments. I have thought of having my daughter's small family over and then visiting Mom afterward for coffee or simply declaring a "holiday from the holidays" and going somewhere for a vacation. I'm sure that other people out there are going through similar circumstances. If there's a better solution, I'm willing to listen. -- Second Sib in S.C.
Dear Sec: Too bad about the pretentious and rude children, who sound as though they've inherited the views of their mother. With snooty behavior like that, they are going to have trouble at more places than their parents' dinner table.
Dear Margo: I suspect you do not, but most people work in an office. Wherever there are different personalities, there are all sorts of things you'd love to tell your boss — anonymously. I thought you and your readers would like to know about a free new service at tellyourbossanything.com that helps you do just that.
Think of this website as a virtual version of the classic suggestion box. Upon signing up, an employee is prompted to enter their own email address, their boss's email address and a thoughtful message about what is bugging them. The site then delivers said message to said manager, who can review the complaint and reply in kind, all without knowing who they're actually talking to. — Hope This Is Helpful
Dear Help: You are right on the money about there being workplace troubles galore, and often the person who would like to report the difficulty feels unable to do so for a number of reasons. Sometimes the trouble has to do with a relative who is employed, the boss's secret or not-so-secret romantic interest, or an employee who somehow has ingratiated him or herself with the boss despite poor performance, just to name a few possibilities on a list that is endless. (And you are correct that I do not work in an office — which is a good thing, because my "office attire" is a nightgown and robe.) Thanks for the good suggestion. — Margo, remedially
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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