Dear Margo: When I married my husband 11 years ago, I was aware of his penchant for looking at pornographic movies and magazines. He likes to watch them with me and without me.

Having grown up in an all-female family, I was never exposed to pornography. I find the movies distasteful and degrading to women, even though they can be exciting at times. I would say he watches them four times per month.

He says they are a sexual aid, but I find myself feeling jealous of the movies — as if they were another person. Is this something I need to accept, that all men watch pornography, or is my husband overboard with needing this stuff? — Confused

Dear Con: It doesn't sound as though your husband is deeply enmeshed with porn. Four times a month is not like needing a daily fix. The fact that he is willing to include you suggests porn for him is a turn-on rather than an addiction.

As for your jealousy of "the movies" (which I think is actually jealousy of the actresses), that is irrational insecurity. These people are not real to your husband in any way; they are fantasy. It's as if you had a crush on George Clooney and your husband decided he was competition.

While not all men need pornography, it is certainly a sexual reality, and need not necessarily be regarded as pathology. Also, some of what is called pornography is actually erotica . . . certainly nothing new. The Archaeological Museum in Naples, for example, has examples in the "Gabinetto Segreto" (the Secret Room) dating from the 6th century B.C. — Margo, moderately

TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT ALL OFF

Dear Margo: My husband and I have been married for nine wonderful years and dated for five years before that. About two or three months ago, it came out at a gathering with neighborhood friends that my husband used to participate, with his roommate, in Amateur Night at a local strip club in the town where they attended college.

Granted, this was years before he and I even met. What bothers me is that he never told me about this. To come out with this information in front of other people is completely nutty to me. To make things more interesting, at another get-together he showed us some of his moves! (But kept his clothes on.)

Strip clubs are not my cup of tea, and it isn't so much that he did this in the past, but he never told me about it at all. Another angle is that we have been trying to spice up our romantic life. I have told him it would be a huge turn-on to have him "perform" one of his old shows for me, but he declines every time.

Granted, he isn't in the same shape as back then, and that is his excuse, but to me it doesn't matter. He also does not understand my feeling let down by his never telling me but sharing it with our block! — Last To Know

Dear Last: I happen not to think that your retired Chippendale was keeping anything from you. It sounds as though the subject just never came up before. And because it was a neighborhood party, maybe he had one more Cosmo than usual, who knows?

As for getting him to do the dance of the seven veils now, if he is reluctant, perhaps because of weight, let it go. (It's interesting that they don't know we don't care about a few extra pounds, but onward.) As for trying to spice up your love life, maybe you could have your own Amateur Night and become Gypsy Rose Lee. — Margo, seductively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.