Dear Prudie: I finally did it. While sitting at my favorite coffee shop, I endured an excruciating 25 minutes until I could bear it no more. I loudly told the mother of a 2-year-old to shut her child up. I have no regrets but am interested in your opinion.

Every day, I listen to college-age women gab on their cell phones about the most intimate matters while I am sitting mere feet away. I once gently told one woman, about to initiate her fourth 15-minute conversation of the day, that I had been learning a good deal about her, her friends, and her thoughts about life and relationships. While I found it interesting, I wondered whether she really wanted to share all these things with a complete stranger. Stunned into silence, she withdrew into mirabile visu , private meditation. Today I witnessed the drearily familiar scene of a parent, undoubtedly driven mad by the auditory excesses of her child, seeking solace over coffee with friends. Who would not sympathize? Well, I don't, not when she barely made an effort to quiet a kid who was running around and screaming. It is wrong to take my time away from me because you are unable to discipline your child.

Our society is losing touch with the concept of borders and the separation between public and private. Today I struck a small blow for a return to the notion of shared space that does not equate to the absolute surrender by all to the whims of a 2-year-old. — Ungently

Dear Un: Prudie shares your feelings entirely. Observation suggests that we are too deep into a culture of "do whatever." Cell phones are, alas, now part of life, and either people don't care that they're bothering others and may be overheard — or they've never given it a thought. We are also in agreement that borders and boundaries are gone with the wind, save for the minority who still cares about politesse .

To protect yourself, my only recommendation would be to find places that are not hangouts for young mothers. This is a public policy problem with no answer. Probably the best thing you can do (when you can stand it no longer) is to say something. Once in a while, it may even do some good. — Prudie, sadly

Dear Prudence: I am cursed by having the greatest job in the world. I've worked long and hard to get here and, although it continues to be hard work, it is incredibly fulfilling.

My problem is that my husband has been very depressed and has no work opportunities or friends in this location. He's transformed from an interesting, considerate, generally happy-go-lucky guy into an angry and bitter person who is only decent to me in front of other people. Our toddler is starting to follow his example.

The situation stinks, but we cannot seem to find a realistic solution together; we can barely have a conversation. I don't actually want to leave him — but sometimes I sure wouldn't mind if he left me! If we didn't have kids (the toddler and a newborn), I would feel a lot more comfortable telling him to shape up. — Stuck

Dear Stuck: Your husband feels inadequate, hence the depression. Somehow, the no-opportunities/no-friends state of affairs needs to be solved. Could any of your contacts help him? Might he be happy as a "formal" house husband — as many fathers have chosen to be?

A therapist for him would seem to be indicated, one who might or might not prescribe medication. A couples therapist, as well, could be useful in thrashing out the real issues. You still have some steps to take before you throw in the towel.

Try, in whatever ways are available to you, to get back the great guy you used to be with. Good luck. — Prudie, hopefully

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Dear Prudence is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.