Dear Prudence, January 13

By Margo Howard

January 12, 2006 5 min read

Hi, Prudie: A dear friend and co-worker, "Randi," is planning her wedding. While talking a few days ago, she said she'd decided who she wanted in the wedding party. She went on to tell me that I am such a good friend, so organized, detail oriented, careful, etc., that she knew she could trust me with certain things on the day of the wedding and wanted me to take the role of "personal attendant."

As she described everything she wanted me to be responsible for, I honestly felt like she'd just punched me in the stomach and I was being penalized for being the most competent of her friends. She said it would be up to me to make sure the wedding party came in on time, the dinner was being served on time, make sure the DJ started every song on cue, make sure every aspect of the wedding would go according to schedule.

I'm torn. I love Randi dearly and want to be there for her on her big day, but the more I think about the responsibilities, the more I'm dreading it. I could never ask a friend to take responsibility for all she's asked. I can't help but feel let down. Help! — Truly Disappointed

Dear Tru: There are bridesmaids, and then there are wedding planners. We do not have ladies-in-waiting in this country. Randi is asking far too much of someone who is a bridesmaid. Tell her this is above your pay grade. Well, actually, don't say that, but tell her you do not feel up to the task and you are sorry to disappoint her. — Prudie, reasonably

Dear Prudie: As I was getting ready for bed, my husband's computer started making weirder noises than usual. I turned it off, then back on to make sure it was working. It seemed to be hanging up, so I pushed the refresh button (I thought), but it was actually the history button.

I was surprised to see a number of escort sites in a city that he's visited a lot. I check the cell-phone minutes periodically to make sure we have plenty, and noticed a number of local calls in this city. I checked further, and they were to escort services.

When I confronted my husband, he got very upset and couldn't believe I would think he would do such things. He claimed he looked at a couple porn spam e-mails and they must have set themselves up as favorites. He also claimed he never called the phone numbers in question; he said someone else was doing that.

My questions are: 1) How stupid am I if I believe any of this? 2) Is it possible for someone else to use your cell-phone number to make calls? 3) How likely is it that the history feature would show that one escort site was visited 294 times?

So, I need help in deciphering some of this high-tech stuff about what is and is not possible. It is alarming to believe this of my husband of 30 years, but then, how astounding was it for the woman who found out her husband was the BTK killer? — Shell Shocked

Dear Shell: Prudie is not surprised that your husband was shocked, shocked , that all these incriminating technical glitches were happening to him.

In answer to your first question, "gullible" is a better word than "stupid." The answer to your second is no; in order to use your cell-phone number, someone would have to use your cell phone. Regarding the third question, it is technically possible due to adware and embedded programs.

However, too many things here spell out e-s-c-o-r-t s-e-r-v-i-c-e-s. Your spouse sounds like the man whose wife catches him in bed with another woman, but he denies everything. His challenge to her is, "Who are you going to believe — me or your own eyes?"

Prudie does not know what you would do if you decided your suspicions were correct, but whatever it is, you should probably start doing it. — Prudie, reluctantly

***

Dear Prudence is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

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