Dear Margo: My husband and I are dealing with an embarrassing and extremely annoying problem with our neighbors. We live in a townhouse complex, so I accept that there is bound to be some neighbor noise that we have to deal with.

However, our neighbors have a very loud, squeaky bed. Let's just say that Hubby and I are always aware of each time this couple is "intimate." If we could only hear this noise in one bedroom, I would simply leave the room and ignore it, however, we can hear them in our living room — even with the TV on high volume. In fact, there doesn't seem to be anywhere in our home where we can escape this embarrassing noise.

First, I wrote the neighbors a friendly note explaining that they seemed like really nice people, but that their bed was very loud. Given the sensitive subject matter, I thought it best to write. Well, the noise did not go away.

So, the next time I heard it, I rang their doorbell and personally told my neighbor that we simply had to find a solution to their noisy problem. He was actually annoyed at me for complaining, and told me that he had oiled the bed. I told him it obviously wasn't working and I'd really appreciate any solution that he could think of, like perhaps moving the bed away from our shared wall.

The noise continues. Is there anything I can do? — Needing Help in Los Angeles

Dear Need: I sympathize — from having had to put up with this in a few hotels. You are in a tough situation, however, because 1) They are in their own home, 2) You have twice let them know they are broadcasting, as it were, without getting results, and 3) You cannot march into their place and move the bed.

Apparently, they don't care that they can be heard. The only thing I can think of is that whenever your neighbors' soundtrack kicks in, so to speak, perhaps play music at a really high volume. It figures that if you can hear them, they can hear you. If they do not get the message (which would be your third), at least you might succeed in drowning them out.

Dear Margo: My wife of over 10 years has always struck me as having rather "unusual" ideas, and now she has suggested that I have an extramarital sexual relationship with a friend of hers who finds herself suddenly single and attracted to me. She believes this will do no harm to our marriage (since she would know about it) and would help her friend, who is "frustrated."

Most men in my position would probably yell, "Yeah, sure!" but I just find this idea weird. Could it be that my wife just really has no jealousy, or is she fooling herself in an attempt to appear "generous" to her friend? I feel a bit hurt, as though I am not much valued if she is willing to risk all with me. — Puzzled and Perplexed

Dear Puzz: This is a nutty idea. First of all, you are not a "thing" to be given to a friend. If your wife is feeling generous, let her give her newly single girlfriend a gift certificate to a day spa. And the friend sounds wacky, as well, to tell your wife she's attracted to you. It is almost hard to believe this is a real situation.

The kindest thing to say about all this is that your wife is upholding her tradition of having "unusual" ideas, but she clearly has a screw loose, pardon the expression, when it comes to making wise decisions about her marriage.

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.