Dear Margo: I am in my late 50s. At high school reunions and social occasions — with other women my age — my husband and other men always comment that some women look so much younger than their age.

When complimented on their looks, these women say things like, "Well, I try to take care of myself," or "Just good genes, I guess." Oh, please. These women have had extensive cosmetic surgery. Their skin is tight and wrinkle-free. One woman's daughter revealed that her mom spent over $50,000 on her face and body!

I struggle with this dishonesty. If I ever had work done, I would say, "Thanks, I'll pass your compliment on to my doctor." Any ideas for a response when people start discussing these preternaturally young-looking women? — Mrs. Meow

Dear Mrs.: I will tell you my answer when I find myself in the same situation. I just say, "I'm not doing anything to my face because I want to see how it goes to hell on its own." Implicit, of course, is that the flawless-looking middle-aged women have had work done.

Furthermore, in any discussion of wrinkle-free old babes, I am always happy to tell people WHY I am steering clear of the knife. For one thing, it's a real operation, wherein there's always risk. And if the procedure is not well done, you end up looking like a Picasso. Not to mention that members of the face-lift brigade often look like each other, or so totally different from how they looked before that they could easily go into the witness protection program.

My feeling is that wrinkles and real faces are earned, they have character . . . and who are we kidding, anyway? — Margo, genuinely

Dear Margo: I'm writing for advice on how to handle my mother. She had a terrible childhood of neglect and abuse. She also made bad choices when it came to husbands and friends.

The problem is that she is angry at the world and takes it out on me. She is generally mean, calling me a loser, a disappointment and worse. She yells at me for the most minor infraction (like arriving for dinner at 6:01 instead of 6:00, seriously).

She blames me for her bad life, even though I was not even alive when she made most of her choices or suffered abuse. She lies habitually, and then says I'm the liar when I point out an obvious untruth. Finally, it seems she is never happy unless she is unhappy and fighting with someone, and that someone is usually me.

I am an adult now and I do not live near her, but she calls or e-mails almost every day. I'm tired of being blamed for her unhappiness and I'm tired of fighting. All I want is a loving mother, but that's not possible. I know I would feel guilty if I cut off all ties to her, but for my own happiness I need to get away from her bad behavior. What to do? — Tired of Yelling and Fighting

Dear Tired: How do you know you would feel guilty? You might, in fact, feel better than you have in years. This woman sounds toxic and hurtful. It is OK to cut off communication when a relationship, even familial, is all about an unhappy, unfulfilled individual making you feel rotten.

My guideline, when evaluating a punitive family member, is that a relative has to behave at least as well as a friend. It is sad that the loving mother of your dreams is not the one you have, but that is your reality, so make it easier on yourself and simply be unavailable. — Margo, autonomously

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.