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RELEASE: SUNDAY, APRIL 19, 2015 Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999. Dear Ann Landers: I come from a large family. A few months ago, we lost our dad. During …Read more. RELEASE: SUNDAY, APRIL 5, 2015 Dear Ann Landers: When does a father's responsibility to his college-graduate son end? My husband put his son through four years of a very fine college, including a nice apartment and all living expenses. "Chuck" graduated six months ago and took a …Read more. RELEASE: SUNDAY, MARCH 29, 2015 Dear Ann Landers: I just turned 25, and my mother is trying to marry me off to the son of one of her friends. I have an excellent job and am not worried about being unattached. I don't date much, which is OK for now. My mother told her friend which …Read more. RELEASE: SUNDAY, MARCH 22, 2015 Dear Ann Landers: I am engaged to a wonderful man, who treats me like a queen, is considerate and thoughtful, and has excellent manners. He is hardworking and has been there for me through thick and thin. "John" is 28, and I am 27. We have known …Read more.
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RELEASE: SUNDAY, APRIL 26, 2015

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Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999.

Dear Ann Landers: I am 40 years old and recently divorced. I was married for 20 years to a man who was abusive physically, emotionally and mentally. It took a lot of strength for me to leave him, but I finally did it. My 19-year-old daughter just moved into her own apartment, and my teenage son lives with his father.

My kids were very understanding at the time of the split and quite supportive. It's been six months now, and I have met someone new. This man is kind and loving and respects me. I haven't been this happy in a long time. He has asked me to move in with him, and I have agreed. It means, however, that we will be moving to a nearby state. When I told my daughter about our plans, she became upset and laid a major guilt trip on me.

Ann, I love this man and want to be with him, but I desperately need my children's approval for my own peace of mind. Their father is seeing someone, which seems fine with them, but evidently it is NOT fine for me. What should I do? — Troubled in Florida

Dear Florida: Don't move — just yet. Visit for several weekends, and see how it works. Then you will have a better idea what life with Mr. Wonderful would be like on a full-time basis. If you take your time, your children will be much more accepting. Their support could be a big plus, but don't let their approval be the deciding factor on what kind of social life you are going to have.

Dear Ann Landers: Many years ago, my daughter asked me to co-sign a loan for a new car.

She was young and just starting out, so my wife and I agreed to co-sign.

After making only a couple of payments, she defaulted. By then, my wife and I had divorced, and I had remarried. My new wife and I ended up paying $246 a month for almost four years in order to pay off that loan. We did it because we felt it was important to maintain our credit rating, as well as our daughter's. My ex-wife refused to help in any way.

Our daughter is engaged now to a fine young man. When we divorced, my ex-wife and I agreed to share the cost of a wedding whenever our daughter decided to marry. Because my ex did not contribute one cent to paying off that auto loan, I do not feel obligated to contribute to a future wedding and have said so.

My daughter, with her good credit rating, just bought a new car and took a nice vacation. She never has offered to pay back one red cent of the money I laid out for her first car. The young man is wonderful and had nothing to do with this mess. I feel uneasy about backing out on the wedding expenses, but I still think I'm justified in doing so. What do you say? — Still Hurting in Levittown, N.Y.

Dear Levittown: Sorry, I don't agree. You are mixing apples and oranges and coming up with lemons. Years ago, you and your ex-wife agreed to share the cost of your daughter's wedding "whenever she decided to marry." Well, Dad, the time has come, and you are honor-bound to keep your word.

Planning a wedding? What's right? What's wrong? "The Ann Landers Guide for Brides" will relieve your anxiety. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Brides, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

COPYRIGHT 2015 CREATORS.COM



Comments

3 Comments | Post Comment
I know these are old letters, but sometimes it's fun to comment on them anyway, especially since the Annies are so lame these days.

LW1 - I really dislike women who stay in abusive relationships, forcing their children to endure a dysfunctional childhood. Even worse are those who divorce AFTER the kids are grown, benefiting only themselves. So then we come to this selfish dimwit, who now thinks it's a good idea to shack up with some dude in another state, a guy she's known less than six months. I have a sneaking suspicion that if this twit did end up moving in with this guy, he's probably an abuser, too - they tend to go for the quick commitment, and they can sniff out weakness like hounds. I have a feeling this chicky-poo is one of these pathetic, hand-wringing whiners that absolutely MUST have a man to take care of her (translation: pay the bills).

LW2 - I don't think the father should have to contribute to the wedding after paying off that car for his daughter. I personally think it's stupid to spend a boatload of money on weddings, anyway. Nothing more than showing off, in my book.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Barbara B.
Sat Apr 25, 2015 3:44 PM
Agree it is fun to comment on these letters. LW1 isn't thinking twice about what it will mean to her teenage son for his mom to dump him and move out of state with Mr. Right Now. As for LW2, I wouldn't pay anything for her wedding. He already gave her almost $12,000 for a car. It sounds like daughter can afford her own wedding since she can afford a vacation and a new car. His ex-wife can give the daughter as much as she wants, and the couple can pay for the rest of it themselves.
Comment: #2
Posted by: kai archie
Sat Apr 25, 2015 9:13 PM
LW2: I see the LW's point (tit for tat) and both kai archie and Barbara B.'s point as well (too much spent on the ceremony and party, not enough on the vow aspect; and that it seems as though the daughter can afford it). But as much as you hate to admit it, a promise is a promise ... and in 16 years since this column was published, a promise is STILL a promise.

LW1: I know it's way too late to say this, but today, there are many, many ways for her to do her homework. She also has the gift (if it can be called that) of coming from an abusive relationship, so she knows what to watch out for and beware of.

As it is, the "move with me" to a different city could be a red flag ... particularly if her support system -- her own family -- lives in the hometown.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Bobaloo
Sun Apr 26, 2015 4:24 PM
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