Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: We have a 17-year-old son who is in love. "Josh" is a good kid, doesn't drink or do drugs, and makes excellent grades. We only want what is best for him, but Josh says he wants to marry his girlfriend. She is only 16. She has no plans to go to college and has made it clear she does not want Josh to attend school out of state. What is even more upsetting is the girl's mother is encouraging this relationship. I suspect she would like to get them married as soon as possible.

I know young love can be crushingly important, but, Ann, I am scared to death that my son will be making a huge mistake. What can I do? — Nashville Mom

Dear Nashville: Josh must not allow this 16-year-old girl to prevent him from going to college in another state if that is what he wants to do. My hunch is she is afraid he will meet someone who threatens the relationship, and if the school is far away, she will not be able to see him often enough to protect her interests.

I hope Josh's favorite teacher or some adult outside the family will help him understand that he is much too young for marriage and that if what he feels now is truly love, it will last until he can make a mature, balanced decision that comes from his head, not his hormones.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband of more than 20 years left our son and me three months ago. The reason? He wants his independence and a chance to do the things he didn't do when he was younger. "Gordon" is 47 years old.

We had a pretty good marriage until he told me he was unhappy and had no feelings for me.

He has been living in his office since then. Money is tight for him, so his bachelor days are neither exciting nor glamorous. When Gordon left me, he said he was interested in a much younger woman, but she is no longer in the picture. He has severed ties with all family and lifelong friends. Up until this, Gordon was a loving, responsible man. Now he doesn't even attempt to see our son.

I have a strong feeling this is a midlife crisis. What else would make a man behave like this? I have asked Gordon to consider counseling, but he doesn't see any point in it. He says counseling won't bring his feelings back. I am seeing a therapist and trying to move on, but, Ann, I really want to fight for this marriage and our family. Any advice? — Disappointed Wife in New Jersey

Dear N.J. Wife: Don't beg Gordon to stay with you. Keep your dignity and your head up. It sounds as if your husband is suffering from severe depression and is in desperate need of professional help. Counseling and medication could be the answer. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Let me know what happens. Please.

Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write to receive Ann Landers' booklet "How To Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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