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Pushy Co-Worker Sets Stage for Argument

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Q: I work at a small company in which most of the employees pride themselves on their so-called healthy diets, which is stupid because one's diet is for one's own benefit and not something to show off to others. They are a mix of vegetarians and vegans. (I always have considered the vegans to be extremists.) I am neither. I don't talk about food; I especially don't care to discuss what I eat with my co-workers. One employee in particular is aggressive with her feelings about what people eat. I always stay silent, as I do not want to be dragged into conversations that are none of their business.

I could understand her aggression if I were a smoker who reeked from the smell of tobacco, but no one can smell my diet. Regardless, she acts as if my silence is a rejection of her views, and she baits every conversation, waiting for me to say something against her being a vegan. I would love to tell her to grow up because her real problem is that she is emotionally immature, but saying anything as to my views on food would fuel her anger. One thing she constantly talks about is making her dog vegan, which I am against. It goes against everything that's good for the dog. This stalemate between us is a bomb waiting to explode, and it interferes with the real work I have to do because I spend my time being angry with this idiot. Because the others are vegetarians, if I said anything reasonable, they still would come to her aid.

A: This is why "birds of a feather flock together." One person's behaviors and beliefs confirm another's, and the relationship feeds on those similarities. People can float through life having their views confirmed without ever having to research topics or open their minds to new or more accurate information. It is also awkward because you are working at a small company, so any emotional blowup would affect everyone and encourage employees to take sides.

You already know you stand alone with your views. On the other hand, you don't want this belligerent person to continue a stance that aggravates you daily. Print out some of the many articles written by veterinarians that explain why dogs and cats are naturally carnivorous. (All one has to do is inspect the teeth of dogs and cats and compare them with the teeth of horses, cattle, sheep and humans — yes, humans — to see the difference.) Hand her the articles, and peacefully explain that you don't care what she eats but that you do care if her actions are hurting her dog. Then walk out of the room, and say nothing. Leave it at that. If she is too narrow-minded to read respected articles, there is nothing you can do but ignore her permanently.

 

When Selling Oneself Turns Into a Lie

Q: People want their résumés to be positive and to promote them, but when do you know when you have crossed the line into lying? I want to say good things about my background and myself, but I don't want information to come back to haunt me or get me fired.

A: Take a close look at the words you use to describe your experience, your skills, your character traits and your accomplishments. Are your adjectives subjective, or are you presenting them as fact? If you stated that you increased a sales territory by 50 percent annually, that fact had better be true. If you spearheaded a project, your boss will be asked to confirm such information. If, on the other hand, you call yourself "seasoned" after six years in a field but the interviewer thinks 10 years is seasoned, that's simply a matter of opinion. You don't want to exaggerate anything that you can't live up to on a job, or you will look like a liar and will have blown your chance for future positions with that company.

Please send your questions to: Lindsey Novak, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. E-mail her at LindseyNovak@yahoo.com, or visit her Web site at www.LindseyNovak.com. She answers all e-mails. To find out more about Lindsey Novak and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

6 Comments | Post Comment
I think the "print the articles about animal teeth" idea is a loser. It's not going to convince this person and it would be a mistake to think a light bulb is going to go on over her head. The LW can't do anything to help the dog except call the SPCA or something. A vegan, almost by definition, is someone who not only avoids all animal products, but does so for reasons of ethics rather than purely for health or religious reasons. You know, the type of person who thinks that it is "cruel" to kill animals for meat. This viewpoint naturally manifests itself into a pushy, self-righteous, know-it-all kind of personality who often feels compelled to "let you know" again and again that your lunch is inhumane. I am a cattle-rancher on the side, and I would have absolutely no patience for this person's views, much less her behavior. The real issue here, however, is not whether or not it is moral/ethical/healthy for humans to consume animal products, but rather where this individual gets off forcing her views on someone else. I would speak with human resources if I were this LW; the offending behavior is apparently taking place on company property and indeed, it is a textbook case of "creating a hostile work environment." Harassment doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sex; it is any annoying behavior which interferes with the teamwork and which persists after the perpetrator has been asked to stop.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Matt
Wed Jan 13, 2010 11:24 PM
It is my understanding that it is possible to feed a dog a healthy vegan diet (although it is a real challenge), but it is essentially impossible for a cat, since they require certain amino acids that are available only in meat. In any case, I cannot understand why a person who is opposed to eating meat for ethical reasons would try to project this onto their dog, who undoubtedly has no such qualms.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Carla
Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:36 PM
There are militants of any lifestyle choice. I have a few friends who are vegan, none are militant unless asked about their eating choices. They attend parties where the rest of us partake of meat without comment.
I've met the militants everywhere though - those who think you should have only a little protien, no fat diets, any of the many versions of "natural".
You can't convince them so I think staying out of the debate, even with her dog, is the right thing. Now if she notes her dog doesn't seem to take to the vegan diet you should suggest she mention the diet at the next vet visit and see if the vet has any suggestions.
One person I know was vehemently anti-fat and ate way less than even the USDA guidelines on it. She wouldn't listen to anyone until her pediatrician told her that she had to either eat more fat or put her child on formula or he would have to report her to authorities because her child was failing to thrive because there were not enough essential fatty acids in her milk. That was the only thing that snapped her out of the "fat bad" mantra.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Mich
Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:56 AM
Lindsey's advice to LW1 is really poor. In the first place, she fails to note the anti-social, antagonistic language of the letter: "So-called healthy diets," "stupid," "extremists," "aggression, "emotionally immature," "idiot, "bomb waiting to explode." This is a person with a huge chip on her (?) shoulder, who is almost certainly telegraphing her contempt for her co-workers at every turn. It's highly unlikely that the problems at work are entirely the fault of the co-workers! A little attitude adjustment would go a long way. How hard can it be to say, "Folks, I appreciate the sincerity of your beliefs, but I have to ask you to respect my choices. Let's agree to disagree and not talk about diet in ways that are upsetting to any of us." In the second place, foisting information at the co-worker will only backfire. Dogs are omnivores and can actually do fine on a vegan diet. (Cats are another matter; they are closer to being pure carnivores.) The co-worker will only counter with perfectly accurate information of her own. Lindsey should have done at least minimal research.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Van Wickle
Tue Jan 19, 2010 7:55 PM
I concur with Van Winkle. This is almost the worst advice I have seen given. Hand someone articles contrary to their view point - say they're harming their dog - and walk away? Lord that is antagonistic!!!
Comment: #5
Posted by: Misty
Wed Feb 10, 2010 12:54 PM
This LW clearly has a lot of anger and contempt for her coworkers. I don't buy her being an innocent bystander in all of this. Advising her to do something as provocative as throwing articles about dog nutrition in a coworkers face is just begging for this situation to go nuclear. Since she alone is the angry meat-eater here, it probably won't go her way. Since she's hates her coworkers so much and she's having so much trouble ignoring diet talk at work, maybe she needs to find another job.
Comment: #6
Posted by: LouisaFinnell
Tue Nov 29, 2011 2:51 PM
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