Two Boys, Mixed Signals and Hopelessly Confused Dear Annie: I am 13 and an avid reader of your column. I have been working at a summer program, and I ride a school bus there and back. Two young men ride the same bus. I have a crush on one of them (I'll call him "Liam"), but I happen to know he …Read more. Genital Herpes and Physical Intimacy Dear Annie: I am a 68-year-old woman who has been divorced for more than 30 years. I haven't been in an intimate relationship for the past 10. Last year, I discovered that I have genital herpes. The doctor said I may have had it for years before …Read more. Physical Abuse: False Charges or Different Perspectives? Dear Annie: When my daughter was 14, she falsely accused me of physical abuse. She is now 33 and brings up these false charges whenever she is having difficult issues in her own life. She blames me for all of her problems. Even worse, my sister …Read more. Yearning for Family in the Ozarks Dear Annie: Several months ago, my husband and I moved to the Ozarks after falling in love with the area. We left behind a lot of dear friends and the life we had known for 25 years, but we are quite happy here. The only sadness is my brother. He …Read more.more articles
Transsexual Women Are Women
Dear Annie: I have a problem, and I'm not sure how my family will react. I'm attracted to transsexuals -- well, one in particular -- but I'm not gay.
Some of the transsexuals I've spoken to don't look as if they are male at all. They easily could pass for female since birth. I don't want my family to think I'm gay, because I'm not. How do I tell them? -- Pennsylvania Pete
Dear Pete: A transsexual is someone who has undergone the physical and emotional transformation from one gender to another. It is not a simple process. It requires surgery, hormones and counseling. A male who has become female is now female. She isn't some guy temporarily masquerading as a woman. And she is entitled to have a romantic life, the same as any other woman. There is no reason for you to broadcast her prior history to anyone. Of course, if the only reason you are involved with her is because you find her background exotic or you are turned on by the fact that she used to be male, that is a different psychological issue and one you might want to examine more closely.
Dear Annie: When my mother-in-law was still living, I always helped her organize the holiday meals. After she died, I began doing it myself. I always plan a nice dinner.
Now I am having a hard time wanting to get together with my family. I have adult grandchildren, one of whom is already married. I get no assistance from any of them. It's just something they expect me to do. No one helps with the cooking or cleaning up afterward. They all wait until the last minute to arrive and sit around while I get everything on the table. After the meal, they go downstairs to chat while I am stuck with the kitchen cleanup.
I am tired, and I feel used. How can these adults not see the need to respect and appreciate all the times I have done this? My younger grandchildren enjoy the family get-togethers and don't understand why I am not enthusiastic about them.
Dear Tired: You have to tell them. For years, you have done all the work and asked for nothing. You've trained them to think this is OK. They may even believe that you prefer it this way. So speak up. Let them know they are expected to contribute by helping with the cooking, setting the table and cleaning up afterward. They can chat while washing dishes. Assign specific duties to each person, and include the younger grandchildren so they learn that family meals are a group responsibility. If your children and grandchildren refuse to pitch in, inform them that you will no longer host these gatherings because it is too much work for you. You deserve a rest.
Dear Annie: I could relate to the letter from "Mom from Montana," whose new daughter-in-law was angry about the dress she wore to the wedding. I agree with you that the bride is just looking for an excuse to cut off contact. Our daughter-in-law of 18 years acts the same way. It doesn't matter what we do to please her — it is never right. We've held our tongues and have continued to be gracious, hoping she will mature, but it hasn't happened. We were ignored at the children's baptisms and birthdays. Our son sees all of this, but he is caught in the middle, and we don't want to make it worse for him.
We were tempted to cut off our daughter-in-law from birthday and Christmas gifts, but didn't want to stoop to her level. I would suggest that "Montana" continue to be kind to her son's wife, but start inviting him to "stop by." When our son visits without his wife, we have a wonderful time. — Nebraska
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