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Swaddling Helps Babies Sleep
Dear Annie: My friend "Helen" has a 5-month-old baby, "Petey." This is her first child. She has no siblings and very little family, so her experience with babies is limited.
Petey seems to be rather small (about 12 pounds) for a 5-month-old. He seldom lifts his arms or legs or does any of the things my children did at that age. Helen has used a swaddling blanket on Petey since he was born. She makes him take a lot of extended naps during the day, plus at least eight hours of sleep at night. I fear she may have done some harm with this tight bondage, maybe cutting off circulation to his limbs.
How can I approach Helen about my concerns? Should I just MYOB? She becomes very defensive if anyone makes a comment about the baby. Her grandmother made a few suggestions once, and Helen didn't let her see Petey for six weeks. Also, Petey has not been checked by a doctor for nearly two months. Is this OK? Please give me some guidelines. — Shirley
Dear Shirley: Swaddling is quite common and often helps babies sleep. Most infants outgrow it by 2 months, although some continue a while longer. It is usually a good idea to stop swaddling when the baby learns to roll over, since it can become too constricting. At the very least, the swaddling should be loosened. Also, the longer an infant is swaddled the harder it can be to get the child to learn to sleep without it.
The pediatrician should see Petey roughly every two months to check his development. Between 4 months and 7 months, babies should be rolling over, reaching out for things and able to stay in a sitting position and hold up their heads and chests when lying on their stomachs. It's time to call the doctor if these milestones are not reached by 7 months, or if the child doesn't use an arm, a leg or one side of the body.
Petey may be just fine, but if you think otherwise, bring this column to Helen, and use it to start a neutral discussion.
Dear Annie: My 16-year-old son has mostly girls for friends. They invite him everywhere. He does have a couple of guy friends, but they hang around other boys my son doesn't like very much, so he usually stays away. He also isn't very good at sports, so he avoids them. Is this OK? — N.Y.
Dear N.Y.: Yes. A lot of perfectly normal teenage boys are not athletic and/or have little interest in sports, and many find the company of girls less threatening than that of teenage males, who can be aggressive and taunting. If your son seems well-adjusted and is relatively happy and doing well in school, we wouldn't worry about these preferences.
Dear Annie: "Not Knowing Is Painful" asked how to find out whether her son's ex-girlfriend, who won't return his calls, had given birth to their child in Nevada.
We've all heard stories of women who place their babies for adoption without the father's knowledge. Our state has a putative father registry. It lets the state, court and social services, etc., know that there is a potential and interested father out there. In my state, having sex with someone is considered prior notice of the pregnancy and birth of a child.
Fathers who don't register within the proper timeframe may involuntarily forfeit all their parental rights. Please tell "Not Knowing" to have her son check this out. — Joanne
Dear Joanne: Thank you for the information. About 23 states have putative father registries, which allow a father to voluntarily acknowledge paternity. Although each state's requirements may differ, "Not Knowing" should suggest her son contact the Division of Welfare and Supportive Services in Nevada.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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Comments
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32 Comments | Post Comment
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LW1-Each child is different. My son was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, rolling over early and doign everything either early on on target. My daughter, who is 12 months yonger then my son, was a different story. She was swaddled until she was nearly 6 months old because she suffered from severe excema and couldn't sleep unless she was swaddled because she would scratch so much. At nearly 10 months old now she has barely gotten the socks off her hands that we used to protect her face. Also she was behind on some of her mile-stones, simply because of her excema.
So basically my point is that sometimes babies need a little more time to catch up or need some things longer (Like swaddling) then others. My daughter needed to be swaddled very tightly (Though not so tight to cut off her circulation) just to protect her body from her hands. Also when my daughter was 4 months old she only weighed 10 lbs, in her case she had a milk allergy but there are many 4-5 month olds who are perfectly healthy and weight between 10-15 lbs, it really just depends on the baby. To me it sounds like the baby is doing fine for now even if his mother is overly sensitive. Now if you can see his ribs or he lookes a little too thin thats when you need to worry. As long as height and weight percentile are in close rant then there is no need to worry.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Yoshi Mama
Tue Aug 3, 2010 11:09 PM
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Shirley (LW1), if you are going to follow the Annies' advice and show this article to your friend, please also print the post-natal risks of SIDS from Wikipedia, which states that "prone sleeping position, such as lying on the stomach" and "excessive bedding, clothing, soft sleep surface and stuffed animals" are two major risks factors which are known to cause SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. A child bound up tightly cannot turn over, and some babies choke themselves to death if they vomit during the night and can't flip over to allow the substance to run out of the mouth. A five-month old who is swaddled tightly and hasn't been to a doctor for several weeks does sound as if the new mother is either not informed enough or simply trusts herself to make the proper medical decisions in the child's best interest. A new mother who would deny the grandmother seeing the child for 6 weeks as "punishment" for having the courage to make a suggestion sounds immature and potentially dangerous to me. Perhaps I'm wrong and the mother is doing a fine job. Yet Shirley's concerns sound very valid and I hope "Petey's" mother will be kind and receptive to her caring friend's comments, which, again, seem to have the boy's health and well-being as a priority, not a criticism.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Jean
Wed Aug 4, 2010 1:00 AM
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Who uses Wikipedi as a source? There are other much better resources out there. While I don't disagree with the post, there are other more reliable sources out there ie: WebMD
Comment: #3
Posted by: Jen
Wed Aug 4, 2010 3:46 AM
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I'm not sure why LW1 is obsessing over her friend's new baby? Just because her experience with babies is limited, doesn't mean she has no maternal instinct or will be a bad mother! This is definitely a situation where LW1 needs to MYOB. Mankind has survived for thousands of years without monthly doctors visits or the "benefit" of Dr. Spock's (Vulcan like anyone?) child-rearing advice. Please let this woman raise her child as she sees fit and stay out of it.
LW2, please don't try to force social "norms" onto your son. Each person is a unique individual and they should be allowed to come into their own without undue pressure from parents. It's possible the young man prefers the company of girls because he's gay. I'm not saying he's gay, I'm merely suggesting one possibility. Maybe, as the Annies said, he dislikes the constant taunting and belligerence that seems to accompany a lot of teenage boys. Whatever the case, I'm sure he'll grow into a fine upstanding adult as long as he's raised with values and a good moral compass.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Chris
Wed Aug 4, 2010 4:18 AM
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LW2--My husband was exactly the same way when he was a kid. I've always thought that's why he's such a prince--he really likes and understands women.
Comment: #5
Posted by:
Wed Aug 4, 2010 4:54 AM
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For LW1: Please know that there is a federal program to help infants & toddlers with developmental delays & disabilities, called Early Intervention. Each state calls it a different name and runs their program slightly differently, and I think the best way to find them is to call your local Head Start program or Early Childhood School (for kids who need a jump start and begin formal schooling at age 3--not just daycare) and ask them where their "birth to 3" referrals come from. You can also find them through your county health department, but you might get transferred several times before you find someone who knows what you're talking about.
The Early Intervention program will pay for full developmental screenings to determine if this child's swaddling could be affecting his development, and if it is, the mother will be given the opportunity to have therapists help her help her child. If the child is not "delayed enough", then the therapists will give mom some gentle suggestions on tummy time and other things she can do to make sure the swaddling isn't causing harm.
It's a wonderful program that not enough people are aware of but can make a huge difference for children and their families when a delay is unexplained or even when there is a medical diagnosis for the delay. In the state of IL, the state motto is "The Sooner We Start, The Further They'll Go!" and it is so very, very true! My daughter went through the program because of a severe speech delay due to her cleft lip and had years of speech therapy, but when she entered kindergarden, she was released from all special education services! That would not have happened without the wonderful folks at our Child & Family Connection office and the awesome therapists who worked with her in our home, in our hospital, and in our schools. THANKS EI!
Comment: #6
Posted by: chaz
Wed Aug 4, 2010 6:46 AM
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Petey's mom is exhibiting symptoms of post-partum depression. This needs to be addressed too, so that she will be in a better frame of mind to accept help, encouragement, and even constructive criticism in how she's raising her son. There isn't a moment to lose. Petey's proper development depends on his mother being a whole person for him. BTW, where is Petey's father??????
Comment: #7
Posted by: mommish
Wed Aug 4, 2010 7:03 AM
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If grandma was not allowed to see the baby because she made a "few suggestions", and the baby is "made to take extended naps and sleep eight hours', there is more than just limited experience here......Why is the mother so defensive? ....most first time mothers welcome support and advice from experienced moms....Is there a father in the home?...Was this baby wanted?...Could the mother be suffering from post partum depression?......If I were "Helen's" friend, I would call the Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline immediately........It is anonymous , and if nothing is wrong, fine.... but it sounds to me like both "Helen" and "Petey need help..... and fast (If grandma was denied access to the baby,I'll bet this concerned friend will no longer be welcome if she shows up with this column)The advice is excellent,but there is no indication that this mom will be responsive.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Gianna
Wed Aug 4, 2010 7:20 AM
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LW2 - Yes it's normal. It's very normal for people (and that includes budding young teenagers) to hang out with people they feel comfortable with and supported by. This kid is just fine and to address you actual concern, the one you're alluding to, yes, he may be gay. Love him anyway and just be grateful that he doesn't wash his hands at the kitchen sink after playing golf and leave cabinet doors open.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Rick
Wed Aug 4, 2010 8:03 AM
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@Rick Your comment made my day!! LW2 should also be grateful the poor boy's throat isn't clicking!
Comment: #10
Posted by: Chris
Wed Aug 4, 2010 8:17 AM
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Re: Rick-and be glad he doesn't have a clicking throat.
Comment: #11
Posted by: jar8818
Wed Aug 4, 2010 8:19 AM
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And these girl friends are more likely to educate him in the correct way to hang a roll of toilet paper. Oh, wait - different columnist.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Carla
Wed Aug 4, 2010 8:41 AM
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Whoa, people! Where on earth do you get the idea that the new mother has post-partum depression or is abusing her child?!?! Only an idiot would swaddle their baby, then lay them down on their face. A little research will show that swaddling has been used since the beginning of recorded history and is safe and helps babies to sleep (non-swaddled infants can't control their arms and wake themselves often due to their under-developed startle reflex). This woman needs to butt out and mind her own business. This is just another episode of one mother thinking she knows way more than another and knows the only proper way to raise children. BTW - well baby visits are usually scheduled at 3 months, then at 6 months, so it is perfectly proper for this child to have not seen a doctor for 2 months. If the baby isn't sick, there's no reason to go to the doctor every month. Perhaps she didn't invite the baby's GREAT-Grandmother over because she was being a jerk. Chill out people - all 5 month olds are different and will develop differently. It's not up to the rest of us to tell a mother how to raise her child.
Comment: #13
Posted by: Jennifer
Wed Aug 4, 2010 8:44 AM
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Re: Jen
Thank you for listing a resource other than Wikipedia. I would like to add on to your comment and mention that many public libraries offer free access to a variety of databases, which patrons may be able to access from home if they have Internet access. For example, the library in my town offers access to resources such as EbscoHost, Wilson Web, etc. These include topics such as business, medicine & health, education, history and so on. Go to your library to ask about access and, if you don't know how to use the databases, ask a reference librarian for assistance.
Comment: #14
Posted by: LibraryKat
Wed Aug 4, 2010 9:09 AM
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Swaddling babies, like co-sleeping and home birthing, are fondly considered as "safe" practices by some uninformed people. However, there are some very real (albeit unacknowledged, by some) risks involved in these practices. Scientific studies bear out the fact that these practices, among others, can be detrimental to infants. Just because something has been done for thousands of years doesn't make it a safe, or desireable, thing to imitate. We know better now, or most of us do, anyway.
Comment: #15
Posted by: pinetree
Wed Aug 4, 2010 9:14 AM
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(not sure why my message says Re: Yoshi Mama)
Regarding the infant that seems behind in it's milestones... you could be describing my daughter.
She didn't lift her head, roll over, sit up, walk... she didn't do ANYTHING when they said she should. She was my first baby, and I had no previous experience with babies and actually didn't much like them much :-0 !
I didn't know she wasn't hitting the milestones like she should have been. I would lay her on the floor, and she would just lay there. She was pretty content.
As she got older, we spent many, many appointments in the drs. office. She was developmentally delayed and needed intervention. They couldn't ever really find a reason for it, it's just how she was. Turns out she was Autistic. Now they call it Asperger's. She is high functioning, and will graduate high school this year. I expect her to get a job and help support herself. She still needs constant supervision, similar to an infant... but she's made huge gains and I'm proud of her.
Please tell your friend to love her baby, no matter what. The more attention it gets, the better. Socialize it, take it out to new and different experiences... just love it.
Also, the more advice received, the better the choices to pick from. Most folks truly care, and don't want to make the Mom feel bad.
If swaddling were a bad thing... how did those Native Americans do so well?
Comment: #16
Posted by: Julie
Wed Aug 4, 2010 9:24 AM
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1: Still swaddling an infant at 5 months is not a good idea unless there are other unusual problems and the baby's pediatrician advocates the practice for this particular child at this particular age. How is the baby going to develop its muscles and learn coordination if he's swaddled for such a long period of time? This practice is for newborns only and not intended for babies who should be learning to roll over and lift its head. Babies need to use their hands to investigate things and among of the first things they investigate are their own hands. They can't do this if they're still swaddled at the age of 5 months. The fact that this baby is not lifting his arms/hands is a very big sign that there's a problem. It sounds to me as though the mom wants to keep the baby as quiet and unobtrusive as possible and not become a normal inquisitive toddler. So yes, I think there is a problem. Either the mom is clueless about the proper treatment for a 5 month old baby, she's depressed and just can't deal with a baby, or there's something else going on. Babies that age DO take long naps during the day but that's their own body's schedule, not mom's. It's the swaddling at that age that bothers me. I'm not sure how the lw should handle this but perhaps she could contact the county's public health nurse or her own family doctor for some recommendations
Comment: #17
Posted by: Pat-tricia
Wed Aug 4, 2010 9:49 AM
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Oh yeah, I wanna meet a new mom who want lots of advice from her mother or grandmother. Postpartum depression WOW that is certainly reaching. What symptoms did I miss? People are not uninformed because they choose to homebirth or swaddle their babies. Not sure what co-sleeping is...but if it is allowing babies to sleep with the parents then I did that and raised perfectly healthy, happy and productive adults. Because people choose different parenting and birthing techniques does not make them uninformed. Perhaps they have done extensive research on their method and decided this was right for them. Because it was done for thousands of years with millions of people living just fine does say something positive about certain techniques. I didn't home birth because I am a chicken and didn't want to have to get up and clean up after myself as my family certainly wouldn't have. Live and let live...that's why they make Fords and Chevys...different strokes for different folks.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Penny
Wed Aug 4, 2010 10:16 AM
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Is there a mother's support group nearby? The hospital in the city where I live had a breast feeding support group that I found to be a lifesaver. I went to a LaLeche League meeting too, but they only met once a month, while the mothers group at the hospital met every week. This new mother would benefit from such a surrounding because most of the women in the group were first time mothers. A few of the mothers had more children and were struggling with issues they hadn't encountered with their other children. The group I went to placed an emphasis on breast feeding, but there were no guilt-trips for bottle feeding Moms. I had a terrible time with post-partum depression and this group was amazing. If LW1 contacts a local hospital and checks with at least two sources there, for example, the front desk or services coordinator, or head nurse of the obstetrics department, she might find a mothers support group. I got so many ideas and found that ideas I had helped out a mother or two. The questions were great, "your baby does that too?" or "what do you do when your baby does that?" I also found that most of my fears were shared by other Moms and I learned how to cope better. I still talk to at least six of the moms and our kids are now 5. I can't urge you enough to check it out.
Comment: #19
Posted by: Chelle
Wed Aug 4, 2010 10:38 AM
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Chris, you gotta stop with the "Oh yeah well for thousands of years we didn't wash our hands/see the doctor etc and we were fine"... Our health in general has improved tremendously since the advent of modern medicine - and I don't just mean technologies, I also mean best practices (such as hand washing and regular pediatric check-ups - a doctor may recognize something a mother wouldn't". I think you need to bone up on some good ol' fashion states, as these days we are seeing far, far less infant death (and death in pretty much every category of humans) and it is in part (in LARGE part) because of these practices.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Zoe
Wed Aug 4, 2010 10:42 AM
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The thing that's confounding me is that people keep citing that "modern" thinking dictates that swaddling is dangerous and that only uneducated people swaddle their babies. If done PROPERLY, it is the exact opposite; swaddling an infant and laying them on their back decreases the risk of SIDS. Also, this nonsense about babies vomiting and choking to death because they can't turn over is ridiculous. The whole "back to sleep" campaign would be in the toilet if that were the case, because people are encouraged to put babies who are TOO YOUNG TO ROLL OVER to sleep on their back. Anyone who takes the time to do some actual research will see that swaddling is hugely supported in the medical community.
Comment: #21
Posted by: Jennifer
Wed Aug 4, 2010 11:01 AM
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Re: Zoe Did I miss something in Chris's answer about washing hands?
Comment: #22
Posted by: Penny
Wed Aug 4, 2010 11:02 AM
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lw1: Don't you dare take this column to your friend! It will not start a neutral discussion. Grandma was cut off from seeing the baby for commenting directly to the mother. How do you think she'll react to you posting her business on the internet?! Grandma was cut off; you may just get cut!
lw2: STOP IT!
@ Rick - Hilarious!!
Comment: #23
Posted by: lois
Wed Aug 4, 2010 11:18 AM
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Penny, Zoe is responding back to Chris about the column from two days ago. I just love watching people's debates on here!
Comment: #24
Posted by: Emily
Wed Aug 4, 2010 11:29 AM
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Re: the debate about swaddling, the evidence is that it can be beneficial under some circumstances, and harmful under other conditions. If it's done thoughtfully, and the baby is introduced to it very early in life, it appears to help prevent SIDS. If it's done poorly, or begun too late, it may increase the risk of SIDS. Here's a good article about it:
http://www.rodale.com/swaddling-baby
Comment: #25
Posted by: sarah morrow
Wed Aug 4, 2010 12:48 PM
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Re: the debate about swaddling, the evidence is that it can be beneficial under some circumstances, and harmful under other conditions. If it's done thoughtfully, and the baby is introduced to it very early in life, it appears to help prevent SIDS. If it's done poorly, or begun too late, it may increase the risk of SIDS. Here's a good article about it:
http://www.rodale.com/swaddling-baby
Comment: #26
Posted by: sarah morrow
Wed Aug 4, 2010 12:49 PM
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Great. Another example of an immature brat holding a grandchild hostage because her widdle self had been "insulted".
Comment: #27
Posted by: Linda
Wed Aug 4, 2010 1:52 PM
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@Zoe What you're essentially asking me to do is stop employing good ol' common sense. Sorry, no. While I'm not disagreeing with what you're saying about the importance of hygiene and it's contribution to preventing undue illness or even death, I am questioning what research you're basing your apparent claims that hand washing and hygiene alone are responsible for the myriad vast improvements in human health and overall quality of life. I'm sorry, but the fact is that people have, indeed, managed to survive thousands of years without antibiotics, obsessive hand washing or regular doctors visits. It's our vast advances in understanding genetics, bacteria, human physiology, advanced medicines and understanding our relationship to our environment that has resulted in our longer lifespans. While I don't proclaim to be the sharpest tool in the shed, I do hold an advanced degree in biochemistry and another degree in biology. I think I'm qualified to provide informed opinions on the matter of hand washing and its overall contribution (or lack thereof) to human health and longevity. The body of knowledge we have today simply doesn't backup your theory. Sorry.
Comment: #28
Posted by: Chris
Wed Aug 4, 2010 4:29 PM
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Re: Chris - There you go being all sensible and ejacated again. :-)
Comment: #29
Posted by: Rick
Wed Aug 4, 2010 7:28 PM
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Global Water, Sanitation & Hygiene
http://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/global/sanitation/index.html
Handwashing and Nail Hygiene
http://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/hygiene/hand/index.html
Body Hygiene
http://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/hygiene/body/index.html
Hygiene-related Diseases
http://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/hygiene/disease/index.html
Comment: #30
Posted by: LibraryKat
Wed Aug 4, 2010 7:59 PM
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Shirley (LW1) Babies develop at different rates. Mine would have kicked and wiggled out of swaddling by 5 months, so I'm going to stay out of that debate. I will comment on the part about baby size. After raising three, I can tell you there are big variations in baby size and development. The child the doctor worried about the most because she was so small, was actually the one who reached all the development milestones earliest. I'd be more concerned with being behind on the development (and it sounds like this baby may be) than the size. As to the sleeping: I have no idea how anyone makes a baby sleep unless the baby wants to, and remember I had three. None of mine slept through the night that early, but I had a freind (also had three) that said her youngest did at about a month and older two were both closer to a year and she did nothing different. Most babies that age have a couple of daytime naps or more. It would be good to encourage your friend to make friends with some other young mothers. That way she will see what other babies are and aren't doing and be able to share with other young moms. She will probably be more open to their advice than a friend who does not have kids yet, or greatgrandma who raised them "so long ago."
Comment: #31
Posted by: Elizabeth
Thu Aug 5, 2010 7:22 AM
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Re: Chris: Take a walk through an old cemetery and see how many graves there are for infants and young children and women who died in childbirth. Then take a walk through a modern cemetery and compare. That said, I'm no fan of obsessive cleanliness, antibacterial soaps, etc. Dirt and germs and micro-organisms keep our immune systems strong.
Comment: #32
Posted by: Van Wickle
Thu Aug 5, 2010 10:34 AM
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