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Have You Heard of This New Invention Called Cash? Aug. 30, 2025
Trying to keep up with the pace of innovation these days feels fruitless. Recent concerns range from... Read More
The Adventures of Cuddly Face Aug. 29, 2025
I'd agreed to host a table at the company's awards banquet the evening after I did the opening keyno... Read More
A Short Person Ponders the Leg-Lengthening Industry Aug. 23, 2025
When I was 16 and applying for my driver's license, I had to provide my height. No one was behind me... Read More
Start-ups and Stupid Stuff Aug. 22, 2025
"I'm going to make you a billionaire," Benito Mussolini said. That would certainly come in handy. He... Read More
Are These Lawmakers or Teens Who Love Fart Jokes? Aug. 16, 2025
Hey, this is just a quick reminder about how dumb things have gotten. In what way? Well, take your p... Read More
Don't Bank on It Aug. 15, 2025
Remember the olden days when banks were friendly? When they gave you a toaster to open an account an... Read More
An Exclusive Interview With Louis Pasteur Aug. 09, 2025
Thank you so much for sitting down with me today, famed French microbiologist Louis Pasteur. Oui.... Read More
Easy Trader Joe's Recipes for Your News Cycle Anxiety Aug. 02, 2025
It's another bustling week in these United States. I've taken the liberty of rounding up quick, easy... Read More
Hulk Hogan and the Complicated Legacy of a Florida Man Jul. 26, 2025
What do we do with our messy heroes? When they leave this earth, should we muddy the flow of praise ... Read More
I Don't Think that Guy in the Mirror Is Me Jul. 25, 2025
Actors either look appropriate for a role, or they don't. Audiences wouldn't buy Danny DeVito as Bat... Read More
Bare Feet at the Airport Taught Us Much About Humanity Jul. 19, 2025
An old adage in writing says we should show, not tell. Details help reveal the fabric of a person, l... Read More
Is My AI Doppelganger Gaining Sentience? Jul. 12, 2025
Discourse suggests that artificial intelligence is stealing both our souls and our writerly tics. Sl... Read More
Alligator Alcatraz Is Florida's Shame Jul. 05, 2025
One year ago, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed into law a path toward restitution for boys who endur... Read More
I Am a Bland Florida Tomato and I Just Want Love Jun. 28, 2025
Wow, thanks for ordering me. You're going to love... wait. No, no, no, hold on, please don't peel m... Read More
Is This Spam Text Asking Me Out? Jun. 21, 2025
Last week, I got a text: Are you free tomorrow? Come to my house for dinner, and I will make your fa... Read More
Tips on Winning a Breakup From a Hysterical Woman Jun. 14, 2025
Hi, woman here. Sorry to step out of line, but the men need help. It has been brought to the attenti... Read More
Don't Make Me Say It Jun. 07, 2025
My family came to visit me in Florida recently. Their sole request was to patronize a Tijuana Flats ... Read More
How To Remake a Political Career in Wrestling May. 31, 2025
You do not want to lose the wrestling fans, OK? Few folks are so passionately clear-eyed about their... Read More
A Good Day and a Bad Night at the Pseudonymous Resort May. 23, 2025
As a speaker, my life involved getting paid to go to places where other people vacationed. Still, I ... Read More
Pinnacles and Unforgettable Shebangs May. 16, 2025
You'd think I'd know the date of my wedding, but apparently you'd be wrong. As I write these words, ... Read More
