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You may have heard Elon Musk is trying to buy Twitter for $46.5 billion, the way Veruca Salt demande... Read More

Starting to Plan a Vacation? Stop! Apr. 21, 2022

This is so "you." Instead of using every second of your allotted vacation time, you plan to take th... Read More

A Thorny Situation Apr. 19, 2022

"Ow!" I exclaimed, clutching my leg. "I've been stabbed!" I looked down and saw my attacker, an inn... Read More

Backbone To The Future Apr. 19, 2022

I'm a man in my 60s. Looking back on my romantic life, I was always the guy women spent time with w... Read More

Sitting Duck Apr. 12, 2022

Husband: Honey, can you call the duct company? We need to get our ducts cleaned. Me: We have ducks?... Read More

Meat Cute Apr. 12, 2022

In using dating apps, I go by who looks cute in photos (followed by a call). But I keep going on dat... Read More

A Last-Minute Tax Day Guide for Professional Procrastinators Apr. 09, 2022

Progresstination. I accidentally uttered this recently while trying to say "procrastination." It was... Read More

Don't Let Summer Be a Bummer! Apr. 07, 2022

Lenore Skenazy

If you're a parent, it's time to think summer safety ... even though it's only spring. That's safety... Read More

Cower Struggle Apr. 05, 2022

I'm a 20-something single woman. I just moved to a new city where I don't know anybody. I'd like to ... Read More

Things I Wish Were April Fool's Day Jokes but Tragically Are Not Apr. 01, 2022

It is time for the worst holiday of the year. Not Tax Day, nor Columbus Day, nor Talk Like a Pirate ... Read More

Taking a Vacation from Your Vacation Mar. 31, 2022

It's bad news, I know, but, this year, you may actually have to go on vacation. Leaving your comfy C... Read More

Indisposed Mar. 29, 2022

Usually, when someone goes to the dentist, they worry about things like cavities and gingivitis and ... Read More

Muzzle-Bound Mar. 29, 2022

My wife and I got married eight months ago. Whatever I suggest for the apartment — a paint col... Read More

An Empty Brain is a Happy Brain Mar. 24, 2022

Winter is waning and spring is waxing. It's time to think about your brain. You may have been goofi... Read More

I've Got You Under My Skin Mar. 22, 2022

When I'm in the mood to be traumatized, I usually just go bathing suit shopping. Jeans shopping runs... Read More

Death Meddle Mar. 22, 2022

I knew my girlfriend wasn't right for me, and I was super unhappy. Friends I confided in kept saying... Read More

Finding Joy in a Pair of Robber Baron Shoes Mar. 19, 2022

I used to dress well, the way an extroverted retiree in Boca dresses well. I've always favored glitt... Read More

Money-Saving Gas Price Tips for Your Emotional Breakdown Mar. 12, 2022

Welcome, drivers. Have you noticed it costs approximately one IKEA dresser to fill a car with gas? H... Read More

Roiling the Royals at Work Mar. 10, 2022