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Have You Heard of This New Invention Called Cash? Aug. 30, 2025
Trying to keep up with the pace of innovation these days feels fruitless. Recent concerns range from... Read More
A Short Person Ponders the Leg-Lengthening Industry Aug. 23, 2025
When I was 16 and applying for my driver's license, I had to provide my height. No one was behind me... Read More
Are These Lawmakers or Teens Who Love Fart Jokes? Aug. 16, 2025
Hey, this is just a quick reminder about how dumb things have gotten. In what way? Well, take your p... Read More
An Exclusive Interview With Louis Pasteur Aug. 09, 2025
Thank you so much for sitting down with me today, famed French microbiologist Louis Pasteur. Oui.... Read More
Easy Trader Joe's Recipes for Your News Cycle Anxiety Aug. 02, 2025
It's another bustling week in these United States. I've taken the liberty of rounding up quick, easy... Read More
Hulk Hogan and the Complicated Legacy of a Florida Man Jul. 26, 2025
What do we do with our messy heroes? When they leave this earth, should we muddy the flow of praise ... Read More
Bare Feet at the Airport Taught Us Much About Humanity Jul. 19, 2025
An old adage in writing says we should show, not tell. Details help reveal the fabric of a person, l... Read More
Is My AI Doppelganger Gaining Sentience? Jul. 12, 2025
Discourse suggests that artificial intelligence is stealing both our souls and our writerly tics. Sl... Read More
Alligator Alcatraz Is Florida's Shame Jul. 05, 2025
One year ago, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed into law a path toward restitution for boys who endur... Read More
I Am a Bland Florida Tomato and I Just Want Love Jun. 28, 2025
Wow, thanks for ordering me. You're going to love... wait. No, no, no, hold on, please don't peel m... Read More
Is This Spam Text Asking Me Out? Jun. 21, 2025
Last week, I got a text: Are you free tomorrow? Come to my house for dinner, and I will make your fa... Read More
Tips on Winning a Breakup From a Hysterical Woman Jun. 14, 2025
Hi, woman here. Sorry to step out of line, but the men need help. It has been brought to the attenti... Read More
Don't Make Me Say It Jun. 07, 2025
My family came to visit me in Florida recently. Their sole request was to patronize a Tijuana Flats ... Read More
How To Remake a Political Career in Wrestling May. 31, 2025
You do not want to lose the wrestling fans, OK? Few folks are so passionately clear-eyed about their... Read More
The Realest ID Is the One Left at the Bar May. 10, 2025
I say this as the biggest procrastinator in the world, a habitual April 14 taxpayer, someone who thi... Read More
Mild to Moderate Medical Conditions for the End Times May. 03, 2025
In my free time, I've been exclusively watching medical shows and making doctor's appointments. No, ... Read More
Get Ready for a Hot Norovirus Summer Apr. 26, 2025
Hey, you look a little listless, wan from the drudgeries of dry land. With temperatures heating up a... Read More
Students Have Been Training for This Their Whole Lives Apr. 19, 2025
They were studying for finals and grabbing snacks from the student union on a gossamer spring day. E... Read More
I Am Your New Dishwasher and I Will Destroy You Apr. 12, 2025
Hi, and welcome to your new dishwasher! We hope you enjoy the experience of not quite getting your d... Read More
Best and Worst Recession Indicators Apr. 05, 2025
How did you spend Liberation Day? I celebrated President Donald Trump announcing confounding recipro... Read More
