Do you love your job?
No matter what you may think, odds are that you hate your job. In fact, you've hated it so much, for so long, that you no longer know that you hate it.
But Alison Doyle knows.
Doyle is the author of "Top 10 Warning Signs You Need a New Job," a recent post on The Balance Careers website.
At this point you are probably asking, "If I don't know I hate my job, why should I change it?" To which Alison Doyle wisely responds, "Waiting too long to find a new job can cause serious stress, resulting in depression, relationship problems, and residual anger."
Another negative outcome from not accepting how much you hate your job is that the realization could come crashing down on you all at once. Like at the Christmas party, when the CEO distributes your bonus of a Butterball turkey, and you decide to cook it at your desk, in your desk, burning down your cubical in the process.
This lack of impulse control could ruin your future job prospects. It is also unlikely that they will let you keep the turkey.
So, what are some warning signs?
"You are already thinking of finding a new job" is No. 1. And dreaming about finding a new job is No. 4. Really! It's not the sardine burrito or the goat cheese and black olive ice cream you had for dinner. Your subconscious knows you hate your job, which is why you dream of becoming a werewolf and turning your managers into charcuterie.
In addition to night dreaming, daydreaming about when you reach 65 and can retire is another warning sign. "Don't spend your professional life in countdown mode," Doyle writes. And she's right. It's a waste of time. Besides, 65 is no longer the target retirement age. These days, it's 25. If you need an extra 40 years to invent an app, start a company, go public and go broke, there's nothing to daydream about. You're as good as retired right now.
Another warning sign is when "your sleep patterns have been disrupted." This is a serious concern. If you find that you can no longer sleep through the morning staff meeting, it is definitely time to pack up your bunny slippers, your blankie and your teddy and start looking for dreamier employment.
Your mental health is already shot, we know that, but don't ignore the messages your body is giving you. "If you're feeling generally sick and have a sense of enduring malaise," Doyle writes, "your job may be to blame."
Sure, you could sign up for a fitness boot camp and run 10 miles before a breakfast of raw eggs, Chia seeds and bone marrow, but quitting your job is so much easier. And tastier.
Speaking of eating, if "your appetite is suppressed, or you are eating more than usual," you definitely need a new job. In other words, no matter how much you eat that is a sign that you hate your job. This suggests you might as well eat as much as you can as often if you can. If you gain 50 pounds and stroke out standing in front of the snack machines with your mouth crammed full of Abba-Zaba bars, you've not only determined you hate your job, but also effectively left it.
If you "dread Mondays, or have trouble waking up for work in the morning," it's another warning sign. All the rest of us are so excited to go to work on Monday that we leap out of bed at 5 a.m. Some of us even sleep in our work clothes, so we won't waste even a second before heading out. (Spike heels are hell on bed sheets, but they're worth it.)
A new job might solve this problem, but a better fix to the Monday morning morass is simply to not go home on Friday night. Utilize your skill at sleeping at your desk to sleep through the weekend. Then there's no problem showing up Monday morning. You're already there!
You may not need 10 warning signs to figure out that you hate your job. You probably don't even need one. What's important is that once you realize it's time to leave, you don't do anything impulsive. Give yourself plenty of time to find a job you really love. It could take 20 or 30 years, but that's OK.
By that time you'll be so broken and depressed, you'll just love staying where you are.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial Planning in Sausalito, California. He now works out of Bellingham, Washington. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected]. To find out more about Bob Goldman, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.
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