Everyone's maxxing these days; have you noticed?

We're looksmaxxing and sleepmaxxing and gymmaxxing and skinmaxxing and scentmaxxing and, of course, most maxx of all, we're Bobmaxxing.

(To qualify as a Bobmaxxer, you only have to hold your nose and read to the end of this column. Easy-peasy!)

Whether all this maxxing has made us better people is a matter that has not received much discussion — until now. In a recent Megan Sauer article from cnbc.com, "From Booksmaxxing to Lookmaxxing: Why the Viral Trends Concern Some Mental Health Experts," psychotherapist Billie Dunlevy suggests that "doing anything to the 'maxx' degree is often a detriment to other areas of your life."

Another psychologist, Jennifer Hartstein, worries that rigidly clinging to a set of goals and expectations can "trigger a whole sense of shame or inadequacy which can lead to depression and anxiety."

Fortunately, there is one kind of maxx that is worth the risk — careermaxxing. Do it right, you could end up salarymaxxed. But tread carefully. Do it wrong and you could find yourself unemploymentmaxxed.

With all your co-workers out there maxxing their heads off, you need guidance. Makes you glad you're a Bobmaxxer and all you have to do is keep reading.

No. 1: Facemaxxing

Sure, any woman can pop in on a Park Avenue plastic surgeon and order up a $100K facelift. Just be sure to bring your insurance card. If there's one thing they love at Blue Cross, it's a good laugh. For men, all you need is a rhinoplasty and a bimaxillary otoplasty and orthognathic jaw surgery and genioplasty and buccal fat removal and hocus-pocus, you'll end up looking like Braedon Eric Peters — the face of looksmaxxing — known to his friends as Clavicular.

But changing your face won't change your paycheck — not one penny.

Nothing personal, Clavicular, but instead of trying to make your face into something that fits society's puerile concept of good looks, I advise making your facemaxxing ideal someone with the power to boost your career — your boss. No matter how homely, hideous or just plain ugly the face your manager sees in the mirror, that's the face you want to match, pore by pore, mole by mole, droopy eyelid by droopy eyelid.

To duplicate the face that launched a thousand layoffs, surgery will be required. Your manager's Cupid Bow lips? A few jabs of Botox can make your lips butt-kissing sweet. Lifting your brows, pinning back your ears and moving a soupcon of fat from your ankles to your cheekbones will complete the look.

You'll also want to match your boss's eye color. Your neighborhood ophthalmologist can provide contacts for every color of the rainbow. (To be honest, that dead look in your boss's eyes will not be easy to duplicate. You may have to watch all six seasons of "This is Us" to make that happen.)

Matching the boss's hair color shouldn't take more than a quick trip to Sephora. If your boss is bald, get out the Bic and the Barbasol. Some women may balk at going bald, but let's face it, what we're looking for here is commitment.

Facemaxxing will be expensive and painful, but the strategy is undeniable — when your boss sees a face that looks just like their own, you're sure to get the promotion.

No. 2: Bodymaxxing

Reconfiguring your face is a good start, but you also should look at bodymaxxing to reflect the shape of your boss. If your boss is heavier than you, it's easy. The peptides in Krispy Kremes will transform you into the pudge-ball of their dreams. If your manager is physically fit, you may actually have to start working out or, a better idea, quit.

No. 3: Heightmaxxing

If your boss is taller than you, take some time off for cosmetic leg lengthening. Two years should be sufficient. All it takes is a bit of buzz-saw action on your femurs and shins and, like magic, you're five inches taller. The procedure is incredibly painful and the recovery is agony, but your co-workers will respect the new, taller you until they go off and get their own cosmetic leg lengthening and can once again look down on you.

At this point, you'll need to start coming to work on stilts. It will be awkward, but worth it.

(If your boss is shorter than you, the options are limited. Surgical procedures to make you shorter are not readily available, but spend enough time at your job and you're sure to be ground down to a nubbin.)

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected]. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Hunters Race at Unsplash