Remember the three-martini lunch?

Remember trying to remember a three-martini lunch?

You called it a business lunch, back in the day, when blocking off your calendar for lunch with a client or a colleague was not only acceptable, it was mandatory. Maybe you didn't actually discuss business between 12 and 2, or 3, or 4, or have "tee many martoonies," but the fact that you could break away from the office and conduct business over a Duck a l'Orange or a Pastrami a l'Rye was essential to career success.

It's true!

How many successful businesspeople do you know whose rise in corporate America can only be explained by "giving good lunch?" These folks knew their way around a menu and were fearless in the face of a wine list. They were on first-name basis with the maitre d' and never had to wait for a table, or a cocktail. Best of all, they were faster than a gunslinger in the old west when it came to pulling out their wallets. Their American Express gold cards glittered in the sun. Their luncheon companions had no choice but to bend the knee. Deals were closed and contracts signed well before dessert was served.

Even if you were not a lunch master, you still worked to improve your business lunching abilities. You might not like the food, or enjoy the company, but you could always expense it, which made the business lunch an important perk and a vital part of your business day.

Which, sadly, is no longer the case.

Like the Rolodex, the ball-point pen and the Snap-on Tools calendar, the business lunch has become an artifact of the past. And we know exactly who to blame: COVID-19.

In "What Did the Pandemic Do to Lunch?" a timely and tasty article in The Washington Post, Taylor Telford paints a grim picture of the state of the business lunch.

With "office occupancy plateaued at half of pre-pandemic levels," Telford reports, the exodus of workers has meant "upscale restaurants in big business centers can't count on commuters and are scaling back offerings and slashing their hours."

Makes sense.

For a remote employee, working from home, going out to lunch can mean leaving their office in the basement and reserving a table for one in the bedroom closet.

If remote workers do leave the house for lunch, they are most likely to dine at a nearby MacDonalds. I haven't tasted a "Mactini," but not even 007 would care if their cocktail was shaken or stirred when it's served in a plastic cup.

As for the poor unfortunates who have been dragooned back to the office for a "hybrid schedule," they have found their corporate overlords rewarding them with enhanced in-office dining.

"Corporate cafeterias are upping their game as employers try to make offices more attractive," writes Telford. This sneaky strategy could work. Who wants to go out for lunch when your manager will don a tuxedo and put on a starched white toque to whip up a flaming pan of crepes Suzette, right at your desk?

Can the business lunch be saved? It's definitely worth a try. The business breakfast, which has somehow managed to keep its head above water, is a sorry substitute. Not only do you have to deal with your business companions intimidating you by nibbling on egg-white omelets while you power down a mountain of pancakes, slathered in syrup, with a side of jelly donuts, but ordering even one martini before 9 a.m. will raise eyebrows, which can, over time, dramatically reduce your chance for raises.

Business dinners are no better. Who wants to stretch the workday well into the evening when you could be at home, bettering yourself by reading Shakespeare sonnets to your budgie or binge-watching "Love Is Blind?"

As painful as it may be, I think you should resolve to schedule at least three business lunches a week at pricey upscale restaurants. Even though you'd rather have a tuna sandwich at your desk, force yourself to order lobster, drenched in caviar and topped with truffles. Most important of all, be sure to order those three martinis.

You won't remember what you discussed at lunch as you staggered back to your desk to sleep the afternoon away, but no one will fault you. You are selflessly risking your job and your liver to restore a precious business tradition.

The three-martini business lunch will rise again, even if you can't.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected]. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Life-Of-Pix at Pixabay