Courtesy is not dead, but it sure is feeling poorly.

Think about it, men — didn't you love it when no one questioned your right to pick up the check when taking your sweetie out for an elegant dinner at Taco Bell? And ladies — didn't it make you feel all warm and gooey inside when you could slip off your silk cape and lay it on a puddle so your man would not scuff his Ferragamos?

But now courtesy is out of fashion. It's sexist. It's elitist. It's pretty darn expensive, too. A Cheesy Gordita Crunch costs close to three dollars. Add another $1.39 if you do the whole Prince Charming thing and throw in an order of Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes.

Yes, courtesy has vanished from our social lives, but there is one place that it is living large — the workplace. Or so I learned recently when perusing the advice section of CareerBuilder's website.

"12 tips to be courteous to your co-workers (that you should already know)" is the name of the Deanna Hartley post, and while I am sure that Deanna is one smart cookie, does she really think we're living in a Jane Austen novel? We're real gals and guys. We don't worry about raising a pinkie when we hammer back a Red Bull, or fret about what fork to use when pounding down a five-pound burritozilla.

So, for the sake of your edification, and mine, here is a smattering of the 12 tips:

Tip No. 1: "Close the door if you're having a meeting."

This definitely does make sense, especially if you are first to arrive and find yourself alone with a box of donuts.

Close the door and lock the door, too. And wedge a chair against the door while you're at it. It may not be courtesy, but it's the only way I know of keeping the animals out of the conference room until you've scarfed up all the donuts.

Tip No. 3: "If you eat snacks out of the communal 'snack bar' (...) replenish it once in a while."

OK, that does sound courteous, but there's no law that says you have to put back what you take out. Let's say you pilfer the brown bag with the name of Sandra from IT written on it. And let's say you get extremely lucky and Sandra has not only brought a meatloaf on seeded wheat for lunch, but also a package of Sun Chips and a brownie from that new organic pot dispensary around the corner. It wouldn't be courteous to replace Sandra's lunch with the ketchup on Saltines sandwich in your brown bag, plus, you're going to be pretty darn hungry after you finish that brownie. So, replenish Sandra's lunch with a something really special — a magic pebble from the bonsai garden in the executive meditation garden.

Tip No. 4: "If you're listening to music and/or white noise and/or watching videos, make sure it's inaudible to those around you."

Good idea — unless you're a DJ and want to get fired, fast. This probably does make sense if you have a more mundane position, but just because your music is inaudible, doesn't mean you have to be invisible. Put on a pair of earphones and rock out. Let your co-workers see all your best moves (Gangnam Style is coming back, trust me.) It shows you are totally with-it and may keep you from being invited to the Christmas party.

Tip No. 5: "Avoid bringing in smelly or pungent foods to eat at your desk."

You say that Limburger fondue with may keep the HR department away? I'll have two.

Tip No. 6. "Don't leave your Tupperware in the sink and expect someone to clean it up for you."

Definitely so, but if the Tupperware belongs to a co-worker, it's super courteous to clean it for them, and then take it home, and when you've collected an entire set, sell it on eBay. Hopefully, you'll score some Modular Mates. I especially like the large Super Ovals with the red tops. They go like hotcakes!

Tip No. 9. "If you're part of a team, don't slack off or do the bare minimum and expect others to do the heavy lifting.'

Totally agree. It isn't courteous to start off as a contributing group member and then slack off. The courteous move is to never do any work in the first place. That way you never slack off. Makes sense, right? You can't slack off if you never slack on.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial Planning in Sausalito, California. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected]. To find out more about Bob Goldman, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Michael Coghlan