DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and dating a new guy who I've known for a while, but I've only been dating him for a little under four weeks. Things have gone well for the most part between us, but in the last week or so he's asked me a lot of questions about my father's business, what he does for a living and how our family's finances stack up.

At first, this kind of put me off because it made me think he was perhaps contemplating getting serious with me if he felt he would be marrying into a family with extensive resources. But then, after thinking about it further, I realized there's another possibility. He could be looking to find a mentor or someone who can help him with connections to a good job in his future. We have never discussed this topic beyond his probing questions so far. I answered his questions in a scant and demure way that mostly deflected away from anything specific.

And for the record, our family is indeed financially secure, but we're far from opulent wealth or being extremely well-off. My parents have worked hard and prudently saved, and we have a good foundation as a family, nothing more. — I'm Rethinking His Motivation, via email

I'M RETHINKING HIS MOTIVATION: This would be a good time to discuss with your boyfriend questions that relate to him, not your family. Ask him about his future plans, and see if he has any aspirations of attending college or seeking out a trade school, or other plans to support himself in the future.

Do your best to keep your family out of this discussion. Make it more about his particular aptitude, interest and where he sees himself in the next one to five years.

His response to these questions should be illuminating and will most likely give you an indication of his thought process. If during this discussion solely about him and his future he reverts back to discussing your family or your father, this would present you with an opportunity to inquire with him why he asks those specific questions. From there, say very little and let him speak as much as possible while you simply listen intently.

Hopefully this exercise will shed some light into his thinking, motivation and aspirations. It will also provide you with an opportunity to see what you feel about him after he makes these comments.

MY MOM ALWAYS TELLS ME TO "TRUST MY GUT" — SHOULD I?

DR. WALLACE: I've been dealing with some unusual circumstances in my social life at school, so I sat down with my mother and had a discussion with her. I like talking to her because she's a good listener, thinks through situations quite carefully and is never judgmental no matter what decisions I make.

She does have expectations of me that I don't do anything illegal or immoral, but beyond that, she lets me make my own decisions. What is strange to me is that with all her ability to read situations and apply deductive reasoning, she ends our discussions the same way. She'll simply let out a deep sigh and say, "Trust your gut instincts."

I'm always kind of blown away when she tells me that because, on the one hand, she spends a lot of time talking very logically to me, then she concludes with the advice to just go with whatever whim I may be leaning toward on that particular day. Why do you think she does this? — They Feel Like Mixed Signals, via email

THEY FEEL LIKE MIXED SIGNALS: I don't see them as mixed signals at all. I think your mother's style and thinking is quite linear all the way up to her inevitable conclusion of advising you to trust your gut instincts.

To me, what she seems to be saying is, we've discussed this topic from many perspectives and applied a lot of good deductive reasoning and debate to it, and she's concluding by telling you to harvest all this information, ponder it and make your own decision given all the facts and input you have absorbed, both in your discussions with her and your own private thoughts that go beyond anything the two of you discussed together.

This synthesis of conscious and subconscious thought is often referred to as "trusting your gut instinct," so see this as a positive affirmation of the careful pondering you've done, not as though you're going to make your final decision on a whim.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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