DR. WALLACE: A strange thing happened to me at a holiday party I recently attended. I've been dating the same guy for the past six months and we both attend the same high school. For some reason, the last 4 to 6 weeks, I feel like I've been growing apart from him, even though he's obviously very much interested in maintaining our relationship.

I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way, but when I have tried to sit down and think about it, I keep concluding that I know deep down he's likely not a good fit for me in the long run. There are various reasons for this, and none of them are terrible, as it's really just a matter of personal preference.

At this party, towards the end of the evening, when various conversations we were in separately gradually ended, he walked over to me and asked me how I was doing. I think I answered his question in too casual a way, because he immediately asked me why I didn't seem as interested in him as I used to be! This really caught me by surprise because my comment had nothing to do with our relationship, but somehow he picked up on my malaise. I did my best to recover and give him a hug to reassure him, but I think he only bought about half of what I was putting out there to cover myself. My question now is, should I tell him exactly what I've been thinking, meaning that I'm not sure we're a good long-term fit, without hurting his feelings further? Or should I give this more time to see if I feel different a few weeks into the new year? — My Interest in Him Is Waning, via email

MY INTEREST IN HIM IS WANING: Well, you've been together for six months and you mentioned that you've had these feelings for six weeks or so, which is long enough to set a trend. My recommendation is that you have a conversation with him, but be careful not to unnecessarily hurt his feelings any further. How he receives it, and see how you feel after this conversation is over.

During this conversation, you could set a follow-up meeting or casual date so that this discussion doesn't need to be an 'end-all' confrontation. Once it's over and before the next meeting, if you feel tremendously relieved, this is indeed a sign that your subconscious is telling you to move on. If you feel confused or continue to feel hesitant to make a break entirely, this may be an indicator to gather more information gradually going forward and to keep an open mind. But don't make a decision either way simply to please him, as the hallmark of a good relationship is one in which each partner enthusiastically wishes to remain together.

LITTLE SISTER UNLOADS LIKE A VOLCANO!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a senior in high school, and I have a little sister who's in the seventh grade. My relationship with our mother is fantastic, but hers, unfortunately, is a bit strained from time to time.

Over the last several months, a certain pattern has emerged. I've noticed that my little sister almost gives our mom the silent treatment by not saying much to her or answering questions with only very brief answers of a word or two. Then, at some point when my mother is out working, grocery shopping or doing something, my little sister will burst into my room and start complaining about our mom and her actions in a very vigorous way. It's almost like she lets this all build up and then she has it tumble out to my ears, not to my mother's.

What can I do about this? I didn't ask to be put in this position and as far as I know, our mother is completely unaware of these tirades. — Little Sister is Like a Volcano, via email

LITTLE SISTER IS LIKE A VOLCANO: As the older sister, do your best to hear her out, but also seek to calm her down as quickly and reasonably as you can. Ask her to sit down in a chair in your room or on the bed, as this tends to have a calming effect versus someone who is shouting or complaining in a standing position.

You could also, at this point, look her in the eyes and tell her you understand that she's not happy and put your arm around her and ask her to tell you in a calm voice, very slowly, what exactly went on and why she is so upset. Hopefully, this methodology will allow her to practice garnering her emotions and channeling her speech into rational points rather than just a messy vocal eruption.

Indeed, you did not ask for this situation to fall into your lap, but as an elder sibling, it would be great if you could lean into this situation at least for now to try to help keep the peace. Depending upon what your younger sister says to you, you could hold a private discussion with your mother later, and carefully tell mom only what she needs to hear in an edited form that does not go through every detail of what your little sister actually said, and the tone of voice she used.

Finally, when the three of you are present and an opportunity arises that you feel might be good for a discussion between the three of you, definitely do so. The more your younger sister and mother can speak to each other in rational terms, the more this will normalize the situation and hopefully become a habit rather than an exception.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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