DR. WALLACE: Michael and I had been a twosome for over seven months. For the first couple of months, we had great times together, but then things changed and I no longer looked forward to going out with him.

Last week, I made up my mind to end our relationship. I spent hours concocting a final farewell so I wouldn't let him down too hard. Even though I was dumping him, I sort of felt sorry for him and wanted our separation to be as painless as possible.

Last night, when we were at a restaurant, I was planning to spring our separation on him. You can imagine how dumbfounded I felt when, before I could say my piece, he said, "I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but this will be our last date because I'm going to start dating a girl who goes to my church."

You could have knocked me over with a feather! I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry so I started crying. Think about the scene — I was planning to stop seeing Michael and had spent hours on how I would do it with the least amount of pain. Then he turns around and tells me that he's ending our relationship because he has found another girl that he thinks about more than me. That's hard to take.

Now I feel miserable and my self-esteem has been bruised. What I can't figure out is why I feel this way. After all, our relationship has ended — that's what I wanted. And because I felt sorry for him, I wanted the separation to be painless for him — and it was. I should be happy, but somehow I'm not. Why am I feeling this way? — Nameless, Santa Rosa, Calif.

NAMELESS: You have already answered your own question; your self-esteem has been bruised. Regardless of the fact that you wanted out, being told that you had fallen into second position with Michael was a shock. So was learning that he must have been feeling the same as you about the relationship losing its zip.

You just have to let it go and be happy that you're out of a relationship that had run its course. There's really nothing to get over except the games your own mind is playing with you. Soon enough, it will be something to laugh about.

IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE

DR. WALLACE: I know that cigarettes, drugs and alcohol can be addictive. Can you tell me how it feels to be addicted to something? — Ginger, Galesburg, Ill.

GINGER: I'm told that needing another cigarette, drink of alcohol or a snort of cocaine compares to feeling extremely hungry. Feeding the addictive habit is like consuming a huge meal at an all-you-can-eat buffet. It makes the people feel good for a short period, and then the body suffers strain and pain, and then the process starts all over again. First, the craving, then relief, then pain. It's a vicious cycle.

In most cases, those addicted to drugs and alcohol must get professional help in order to eliminate the addiction.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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