DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have three girlfriends I've known pretty well for the last few years. However, I'm much closer to one of the girls than the other two, even though all four of us girls are very friendly and comfortable with each other. The other day at school, I had to leave early at lunchtime with permission because I had a dermatology appointment. The plan was for my mother to pick me up at school after my last class before lunch, and then I wouldn't return to school until the next morning. But just before I was prepared to leave, my mother sent a text to me and told me that the dermatologist appointment got canceled and would have to be rescheduled in about a week.

So then I went back into the school lunch area, and before anyone saw me, I noticed my closest girlfriend talking to my "ex"-boyfriend, and it looked like she was flirting with him, but they did not actually touch each other. She was laughing a lot and smiling at him the whole time. When they finally parted ways after six or seven minutes of talking, he said something like, "See you later," to her, and I heard her say, "Sounds good!" Then she used a nickname for him that I wasn't aware anyone else knew about because it's actually a nickname that I had for him that we kept between ourselves as far as I knew. He and I haven't officially called it quits, but I'll admit it's been definitely trending that way, as we haven't hung out for the past 10 days.

All of this has me thinking she may be going behind my back to try to date him, which would be a dealbreaker for me in regard to my friendship with her. — Worried About What I Saw, via email

WORRIED ABOUT WHAT I SAW: The best course of action here would be to actually speak to your friend directly about this subject to see what you can find out. Your letter also didn't mention whether or not you've spoken to this particular girlfriend about the two of you not dating each other's boyfriends or ex-boyfriends. This would now be the time to bring up that subject and discuss it openly.

You could start by telling her that it came to your attention that she was seen speaking with your ex-boyfriend in a very friendly manner. Don't accuse her of doing anything wrong, just see if she will acknowledge that it did occur, and then you can ask her directly if she would ever consider dating him in the future.

Approaching it this way, and saying little more at this point, will give you insight into her thought process. If she were to deny that she spoke to him entirely, that would not be a good sign since you know it's true. You also need to realize that they have every right to talk to each other, and perhaps to date each other in the future, if they both choose to do so. So from your perspective, you simply need to realize that if you feel as strongly as you apparently do, you would be willing to end this friendship with this particular girl.

I also feel a key would be to keep such a conversation very calm and to the point, and let her know how you feel — not in a threatening way but in a matter-of-fact way — it would be a friendship dealbreaker for you. Once she knows this, she can give it some thought if she doesn't give you an answer right there on the spot. You'll soon have your answer one way or the other, so you need to prepare yourself for either outcome.

I WAS SHOCKED ONCE I BROKE OUT OF MY ROUTINE

DR. WALLACE: As a high school student who follows routines in an almost monotonous way, I recently broke out of my familiar habits. I decided I wanted to join a club on our campus. I decided to do this because I'm considering a career path that may involve this activity and field of study; therefore, I wanted to get familiar with it now as I begin to fine-tune my decision-making process for my future.

Everyone was friendly when I signed up and attended the first few meetings of the club, and one individual in particular made it a point to make me feel welcome by explaining many things to me.

Very quickly I found myself stunned to see just how impressive this individual was. This person is not involved in high school sports and has nothing to do with the student council or any campus leadership activities or anything of that nature. Therefore, even though we were classmates at the same high school, we were complete and total strangers to each other in almost every way imaginable.

I'm now flabbergasted that my routines have kept me within such a tight-knit circle of friends and acquaintances, and this has taught me that I haven't really gone outside of my bubble of familiarity much at all, especially over the past year and a half. Do you think my experience is typical in that I haven't really met a lot of people at my school, and I simply hang out within the same small circles over and over? I'm glad I signed up for this club, as even if I lose interest in the subject matter, the experience has opened my eyes in so many ways. — Glad I Broke My Routine, via email

GLAD I BROKE MY ROUTINE: I think your experience up to the point you joined that club is fairly typical for most high school students, except for those who may run for office at their high school. Campaigning does get a person in touch with a lot of new people, but for those like you who let that go by, I would classify your experience as the norm.

Fortunately, however, you broke out of your routines long enough to meet some other individuals, and it's a credit to you that you realized how impressive some complete strangers were and how much they could broaden your thought processes and experiences. This is a great lesson for you to learn as you head toward the end of your high school days, as a future career path will bring you into contact with many people. Getting to know complete strangers will be the norm, not the exception, for your future self. It's great that you came to the realization that you have via your recent experience. I highly recommend all high school students, and even college students, consider speaking to and sharing time with other individuals you might not typically engage with. Learning about others, their talents and perspectives is one of the treasures life provides us during our various journeys.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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