DR. WALLACE: I'm a new parent of a teenager because my husband that I just married has a 14-year-old daughter. I have a 6-year-old son, so we are now a blended family.

I have a very good relationship with my son. We are very close, and he behaves well and follows the rules I have laid out for him. I'm naturally concerned that it may be a much greater challenge to deal with my stepdaughter, given her age and the fact that she already has a mother, even if that lady lives out of state. My stepdaughter lives full-time with her father and now me.

I'm sure I could use a lot of advice on a lot of topics, but I'll leave that up to you by asking you what you feel is the single most important area of focus that would help me as a new stepparent. What would be your No. 1 topic for me to address first regarding her? — A Brand-New Stepmother, via email

A BRAND-NEW STEPMOTHER: The single word I feel is the most powerful for you to consider is the word communication. This is the key to all relationships, especially parent, teenager, relationships and even more so in your new role as a new stepparent.

Seek to build common ground with your stepdaughter by communicating with her regularly in a pleasant tone of voice without being too syrupy or sugary sweet. Simply be matter of fact yet kind and calm, and let her know she can come to you at any time for any reason.

Keep in regular touch with her and be sure to create as many meaningful snippets of dialogue as you can with her every single day.

It's far better for a young teenage girl to be able to talk to her father and stepmother about myriad topics rather than having her only point of reference being what she hears from other students at her school. Unreliable information, innuendos and total falsehoods are regularly shared among young teenagers. The topics of drugs, alcohol, sex and a variety of other dubious or even illegal activities can sometimes be pressed upon teenagers by a combination of misinformation and peer pressure.

My advice is to let your stepdaughter know that she's in control of her own life, makes her own decisions and does not ever get swayed by anyone's pressure. Tell her that if she doesn't understand a topic, or if something doesn't seem right, to bring that information home in a completely nonjudgmental, open and honest discussion about any topic readily available to her.

WE WERE TRULY DROWNING IN HOMEWORK

DR. WALLACE: Recently I complained to my mother that one of my high school teachers seems to be giving me — and our whole class, for that matter — way too much homework. The volume of homework in this one particular class is so much that it equals or exceeds all my other classes put together.

It's a general education course, and not in the field I intend to use for my eventual career path. So I brought this up to my mother, and she and I have been debating it for a couple of weeks.

My father stayed out of this discussion for a long time, but finally, he asked my mom what exactly was going on. My mother, who is familiar with the situation, then showed him everything to bring him into the picture. Once he understood everything, he literally blurted out, "That's ridiculous! This teacher is out of line."

A few days later, I heard from some kids at school that some parents called to complain to the school principal about the homework load in this particular class. The good news is, the teacher did reduce our homework volume by about 40%! This is great, but I think I know who the parent was that called in! Because the teacher has scowled at me a couple of times in class, I'm thinking it was my own father! Should I say anything to anyone? — Less Homework but With a Scowl, via email

LESS HOMEWORK BUT WITH A SCOWL: Your teacher may or may not have been directly scowling at you, but it's possible you were assuming she was scowling because of your sensitivity to assuming it may have been your father.

Based upon your letter, I assume your father and mother have said nothing to you either because you're still in the "assumption" mode. Therefore, my advice is to presently not say anything to anyone, meaning your parents or your teacher, and if anyone informs you of anything directly in the future, you can deal with that if and when the time comes.

For now, you've received the good news that your homework volume is down to a more manageable level in this particular class. Resist the urge to tell your classmates that it may have been your father, as it's a better course of action to say nothing and simply enjoy the windfall benefits.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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