DR. WALLACE: My father has been out of my life for over 10 years. I'm a female high school student and I just turned 17 years old.

My biological father has not sent me a birthday card, a holiday card, a graduation card or even called me during all of this time.

When I've asked my mother why this is, over the years her answer has always been that he must have other priorities in his life.

To her credit she has never talked down about my father or told me any unsavory stories about him. This has caused me to just assume that I would never hear from him again, so I kind of mentally moved on years ago.

So, imagine my shock when I received a package from my father on the day before my birthday! When I opened it there was a nice card inside and a new winter jacket that fits me perfectly. The package had a return address that listed him living in the state to the west of us. He's about 200 miles from where my mother and I live now.

I'm so stunned that I don't know what to do. I like the jacket but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable wearing it. I also don't know if I want to write him back or not about this. Since I'm uncomfortable, do you think I should just pack the jacket up and ship it back to him? — Beyond Surprised, via email

BEYOND SURPRISED: I suggest that you hold onto the jacket and give yourself some time to think things over. When you last saw your father, you were just a little girl, not the woman you are now.

Therefore, it's best to not rush to make any decision at all. You do not know where your father has been and what his life has been like. At some point you might wish to at least hear what he has to say for himself.

In the meantime, I feel it's not a good idea to return the jacket as that would be making a statement to him and I don't see you as being ready to make any such decision yet after being caught so off guard.

Discuss this issue at length with your mother as you may find her guidance quite helpful, especially since she has exhibited a mature and civilized tone when discussing him in the past.

Finally, since it is fall now and wintertime is looming, I suggest that you do wear the jacket. You can decide later if you wish to keep it or not and there is no harm in using it now when it is in season. Your father wanted you to have it so you certainly should try it out no matter where things go between you and him.

IT TAKES CASH TO BE A TEEN IN 2023!

DR. WALLACE: It takes money to be a teenager these days! My parents give me an allowance, but it's so low and laughable that I won't even tell you how much it is. Just trust me, it's embarrassingly low and I can't do a lot of the things my friends get to do because I can't afford to go on some of their outings.

It's really hurting my social life, and my parents seem oblivious about my plight! What can I do? My father is really, really tight with his money, so I don't think he's going to raise my allowance even five cents. And for the record, I do chores in our home to "earn" this paltry amount and I do them well. I take pride in my work. — My Allowance Is a Joke, via email

MY ALLOWANCE IS A JOKE: I suggest that you start by offering to do extra jobs/chores at home in exchange for a little extra pay. Use the word "pay" rather than the word "allowance."

If your father declines your offer, as you expect him to, this would then set you up to ask him to help you get a part-time job such as babysitting in your neighborhood or helping neighbors do some chores at their homes.

And since your father is quite frugal, ask him in advance to help you set up a savings account so that you can both bank (and spend) some of your new "income." This is likely your best path toward raising the funds you wish to acquire. If you are successful with this strategy, remember to "walk the walk" by following through with your savings plan. This habit will be a very good one for you to develop at your age.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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