How Should I Address My Friend's Father?

By Dr. Robert Wallace

November 4, 2022 5 min read

DR. WALLACE: I have a good friend at school and we get along great. We're both on the boys varsity basketball team even though we are juniors in high school. My friend is loyal and laid-back — or so I thought!

I had to pick him up at his house the other day for practice. I knocked on the door of the house and his mother answered. I said hello and used their family surname to be polite. And just before we left, his father came into the room and said something to my friend. My friend replied, "Yes sir." I was shocked that he said "sir" to his father!

I mentioned this later at home to my parents and they told me that my friend's father is a military officer. So now I'm wondering if I must address him as "sir" the next time I see him? I want to be respectful, so what do you advise in this situation? — A Respectful Friend, via email

A RESPECTFUL FRIEND: I feel that many families have their own rules within their homes and that they only apply to within their immediate household. Therefore, I feel addressing his parents individually as "Mrs. X" or "Mr. Y" is very much appropriate and respectful.

If your friend's father wishes to be addressed differently in any way, then I feel it is up to him to make this request directly to you. Your duty is only to be normally respectful as you would with any other parents of any other friends who you also speak to from time to time.

MY PARENTS ARE 'SOCIAL DRINKERS'?

DR. WALLACE: My parents drink a lot. By this I mean regularly, not necessarily a lot all at once, but they do seem to down a lot of alcohol in an average week. I wouldn't say I'm worried about this, but at the same time I wouldn't say they both have absolutely no problem at all.

In school, we are often taught of the dangers of alcohol. We are instructed to never drive drunk and to use Lyft or Uber if we are in college someday and we go out drinking somewhere.

I asked my parents the other day about their drinking, but I tried to do this in a way that indicated I was just curious, not accusatory in any way.

My mom just laughed off my question, but after a long and somewhat uncomfortable pause, my father said, "Son, we are basically just social drinkers," and he said it in a way that indicated that their alcohol consumption was mainstream, not abhorrent. I just said, "Oh, OK, I was just curious" and then dropped the subject entirely.

So now my question to you is about "social drinkers." What do you feel the definition of this term is? — The Son of "Social Drinkers," via email

THE SON OF "SOCIAL DRINKERS": A particular university study I read years ago defined social drinkers as those individuals who do not experience any legal, medical, social or career-related problems as a result of their alcohol consumption.

And yet another study defined the term as those who do consume alcohol from time to time, but who also go more than a month without drinking a drop of alcohol at least twice within an overall calendar year! I'm not sure many self-professed "social drinkers" could measure up to that standard.

I feel society generally considers social drinkers to be those who can function normally with no adverse effect and who do not harm themselves or others related to their alcohol consumption. In my humble opinion, I've always felt that this term has been a convenient moving target designed to downplay "moderate" drinking habits.

But I've also read too many letters over the decades about the adverse and even horrific results that have arisen when a "moderate social drinker" has gone just a touch too far one time too many. Therefore, I'll abstain from rendering a definition of the term out of an abundance of caution. I've been made aware of too many sad and devastating stories over the years to offer anyone a possible safety net on this topic. Social drinking and driving — or the participation in any other risky behavior — should never be coupled together, ever.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: WOLKE108 at Pixabay

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