DR. WALLACE: My cousin was to be married on her birthday, and I was supposed to be one of the bridesmaids. I was told what kind of color of dress to wear. I understood that I had to pay for the dress and didn't have a problem with that, even though my parents are not rich and I don't have any money because I'm in the 11th grade. My parents, with a little help from my grandparents, paid for the dress, which cost $125.
Last week, my cousin's mother (my mom's sister) called to say that the wedding has been canceled. It turns out that my cousin has decided she really doesn't love her fiance after all. Now I'm stuck with a $125 dress I don't want and probably will never wear. I don't like either the color combination (pink and cream) or the style, unfortunately.
My mother called her sister yesterday and asked if someone in her family could reimburse our family for the dress because it wasn't our fault the wedding was canceled. My aunt then got huffy and said we knew we were responsible for the cost of the dress because we were told that fact in advance when I agreed to be in the wedding once it was announced. She then told my mother that I could wear that dress to the prom (LOL, that will never happen).
I think my cousin should reimburse us for at least $100 to help us pay for something that I'd never use. After all, she was the one who canceled, and the only reason I bought this dress was for this one occasion. For the $100, we will gladly give her a brand-new pink and green bridesmaid's dress that has never been worn and that she obviously liked because she was the individual who chose it. She just might even wear it herself. Do you agree? Both families read your column, so we anxiously await your opinion. — Stood Up, via email
STOOD UP: The bottom line is, this isn't worth a family feud. I'm sure your cousin didn't cancel the wedding lightly or thoughtlessly; she's in emotional turmoil right now and needs your love and support, as one of the bridesmaids. Getting a bill for the dress instead probably strikes her as extremely petty.
Maybe the issue of reimbursement can be discussed more calmly sometime down the road. My advice, however, is just to let it go and absorb the $125. If you push the issue, you could open up a family rift that never heals. For the time being, put the dress away carefully in a nice garment bag and live your life. Perhaps, when you least expect it, you might find the right person to give the dress to. In the meantime, if you need to reimburse your grandparents, take up a small part-time job or ask them directly if there is some work you can do at their house or in their garden to repay them for their generosity.
NOT YET
DR. WALLACE: I'm 17, and I met a 21-year-old guy at a graduation party. We really hit it off. He asked me for my phone number and I gave it to him. And last night, he called and asked me out. I told him to call me back in a few days and I would give him an answer. I talked to my parents, and they said the guy was too old for me and I couldn't go out with him.
Dr. Wallace, I've read where males mature emotionally much later than females, so this 21-year-old guy and I should be on the same emotional level. Isn't this a good argument to get my parents to allow me to date this guy? — Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: I would say not yet. While it is true that boys lag behind girls both physically and emotionally for quite some time, guys do catch up with the girls somewhere around the age of 17. However, an age 21 and age 17 gap is too much for now, especially while you are still in high school. Once you're 18 or older and on your own, you can decide for yourself whether or not to date 21-year-old guys.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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