DR. WALLACE: I'm newly married and want to work for a few years, but my husband wants to start a family right away. We're young enough that we have a good bit of time before we would be anywhere near "older" first-time parents.

What's a good way to find common ground on our differing views on this topic? We both do want a family at some point, so the question for us is when, not if. — I'm in Favor of Waiting, via email

I'M IN FAVOR OF WAITING: I recommend that you each take some time to write down what you each feel would be the pros and cons of starting a family right away versus waiting a few years.

You both likely know well your reasons for your own preferred positions, but each of you having to list the cons of your position may be ultimately revealing.

Try this exercise and agree in advance to discuss the matter in a communicative and nonjudgmental way. As you go through the process, have each of you verbalize to the other where you see your marriage and family in one, three and five years from now from the perspective of your present preference. Your future visions will also be vastly different, and discussing them out loud with each other might also be quite enlightening. I feel that these exercises may give you both a better chance at seeing the other person's point of view and vision. That can lead to better chances of coming up with a mutual decision you can both agree upon or finding a suitable potential path of compromise to embark upon.

HOW CAN I GET THEM TO UNDERSTAND MY THINKING?

DR. WALLACE: I have a talent in a field that I don't see myself involved in much if at all later in my life. Yes, I could make a living in this field, but I don't feel motivated to pursue it further in earnest.

My parents and a few of my friends very vocally disagree with me. I of course tell them in a tactful way that I must make my own choices about my life, since, after all, I will be the one living it.

How can I get them to see things from my perspective? — Already Starting to Move On, via email

ALREADY STARTING TO MOVE ON: You probably can't get them to see it the way you do, so don't try to convince them further at this time. A good way to explain things is to say that you'd like to try other fields that interest you first, and then if you have a change of heart someday, you can always fall back on your talents in the area in question.

And saying this is very likely to be true for you, since no one can predict the future. You indeed may move into another field you are much more passionate about and you may succeed there. But if you don't, or if you someday have a change of heart, the talent you have may indeed be utilized more completely later in your life.

I feel using a hedged, factual comment like this is preferable to trying to sway them to your way of thinking. It's impossible to know for sure what path you'll ultimately take in life. And letting those closest to you know that there is at least some distant possibility to revisit that field may be enough to put their collective minds at ease for now.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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