DR. WALLACE: Whenever my boyfriend and I get into a disagreement, he gets really loud. He raises his voice and acts as if I'm hard of hearing. When I ask him why he's yelling at me, he says, "I don't know," in a voice and tone that I can only describe as screaming.

There must be some psychological reason he does this — and this happens at least two or three times every month. If you can help me to find out why he does this, we can begin to work on correcting the problem.

I don't really care to be yelled at, and it's beyond embarrassing when he does this in a public place like a shopping mall or a fast-food restaurant. I've actually been able to hide his outbursts from my parents so far, and only one of my girlfriends has seen him "in action" with this behavior. — No More Yelling, Please!, via email

NO MORE YELLING: Being loud often indicates that a person is pushing very hard to make a point he or she deems quite important.

My advice to overcome this is to ask your boyfriend to visualize what he is about to say as if it's a secret between you and him. Tell him that whispering is another way of changing the cadence of his voice and that it would be much more respectful and acceptable to "garner your attention" this way. Let him know that you'll listen to his whispered words just as intently as you would if they were yelled at a very loud decibel. This might just be worth a try, but if he is not willing to try this and he insists on public outbursts, I'd suggest you think first and foremost about your own mental health and safety. No one deserves to be yelled at two or three times every month.

This behavior of his might be an indication of some other deeper problem he is dealing with. He should seek professional counseling if he's unable to control his voice and modulation, especially when addressing someone he cares for, namely, you!

FIND A NEW WAY

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19; I've already graduated from high school, and now I have a good job in the automotive industry.

I'm not a big drug user, or even a regular user, but occasionally I enjoy a bit of cocaine at parties I attend with some of my friends. Once a month or so, I like to get high when I hang out with them. The truth is I'm not an addict; I'm a recreational user.

I don't really think my occasional use does any harm to me or anyone else, since I only do it in private homes with the company of my closest friends. However, I have a new girlfriend, and once she found out about my occasional use, she immediately gave me a big lecture about why I should cut it out. My dad is an "occasional" drinker, and he never gets the lectures that I'm now receiving on a weekly basis. — Recreational User, via email

RECREATIONAL USER: The word "recreation" means engaging in an activity that is healthy for your mind and body. There is no way that using cocaine can be considered recreational! You and your friends are playing with fire — and your very lives. Unfortunately, cocaine has many dangerous qualities, one of which is that it is extremely addictive. It is a powerful, seductive drug that creates a profound craving in the user's brain.

If you and your friends want to "get high," then I suggest you sit down and plan ways to help the less fortunate in your community. Donate your time, skills and the money that would have been spent on drugs to a worthy cause.

Believe me, when you help others, see their smiling faces and hear the words "Thanks for caring about us," you and your friends will experience a high far more profound and satisfying than any drug will ever be able to provide you.

This type of activity could become a lifelong habit to everyone's benefit, especially yours.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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