DR. WALLACE: I'm 19, and my husband is 21. We are parents of a 1-year-old daughter. My husband's elder brother is married and has two daughters. This guy was wild when he was young. He was arrested several times, and he even spent a little time in jail. I do admit that he settled down quite a bit when he got married. He appears to be a good husband and father. He also is a good worker and makes excellent money working construction.
My husband has always been laid-back. He has never been in trouble with the law and, like his brother, is a good husband and father. He earns decent money working as an auto mechanic. He is a very good employee. My husband doesn't drink, but his brother always seems to have a can of beer in his hand whenever he is not working.
This guy, with the full permission of his wife, likes to go to bars that feature nude female dancers. Last week, he called my husband and invited him to go to a nudie bar with him and several of his friends. My husband asked me whether I would mind if he went, and I told him I didn't like the idea, so he didn't go.
I thought the issue was dead, but last night, his brother's wife called me and told me I was selfish and untrusting for not encouraging my husband to have a night out with the boys. I politely told her that I didn't want my husband to go to a nudie bar and that I myself had no desire to go to a bar featuring nude men. She then called me "impossible" and hung up. Now my husband thinks I should call this lady and apologize for making her upset. I disagree. Your opinion, please! — Anonymous
ANONYMOUS: There is no reason for you to apologize. It's your brother-in-law's wife who owes you an apology. Her call to you was unwarranted and displayed big-time ignorance. Married men who attend nudie bars are not going to see anything that they haven't already seen at home.
NEW FRIENDS
DR. WALLACE: I'm writing to thank you for your excellent advice. You told a girl who had only two friends — who smoke, drink and treated her like dirt — to get rid of them and join school clubs and activities to make new friends. This girl has low self-esteem and thought that if she stopped hanging around with those two girls, she wouldn't have any friends at all.
I was in the same situation. I had three "friends" who smoke huge quantities of pot and drink all kinds of alcohol. They also enjoy shoplifting from department stores. I hung around these girls because they were the only school friends I had. Last month, they said they wanted me to go with them and act as a lookout while they went on a shoplifting spree.
It was at that moment that your advice to the other girl kicked in and actually crossed my mind. I said "no" to their request and further told them that I no longer wanted to hang around with them and that they shouldn't call me anymore. I later went out for the basketball and was lucky enough to make the team. I also joined a theater club and have made many good friends. I really enjoy my new life with my new friends.
Thank you very much for helping us teens with logical advice. Sometimes we don't realize that we have other options and that we can control our own actions, especially when it comes to choosing friends. — Anonymous, Atlantic City, New Jersey
ANONYMOUS: I always enjoy hearing from teens who have made positive changes in their lives. I made the suggestion; you made it happen. It takes action to make substantial changes, and you found the inner strength to take the appropriate actions that improved your life. All the credit goes to you!
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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