DR. WALLACE: Cindy, Jan and I are the best of friends. We have been friends ever since we met in first grade. Cindy was the first one of us to get a boyfriend. At first we were all excited for her, but now she hardly ever hangs around with us and if she does, she is always talking about her boyfriend and where they went on their dates. We are tired of hearing about Kevin.

The three of us are all 14 and when we first turned 14 we all signed an agreement that when we started dating, we would never abandon each other when we got a boyfriend. Well, Cindy has broken this agreement.

We thought about writing her a letter and enclosing a copy of our agreement to let her know how we feel. My mom overheard our conversation and she suggested that we write to you for your suggestions first. We hope you can help us. — Suzanne, Worcester, Mass.

SUZANNE: I think writing to Cindy is a great idea. You could write something like this: "Dear Cindy, we're your best friends and we really miss seeing you, but we understand the reason. We know you have been spending a lot of your free time with Kevin and we're really happy for you. If you can find time, let's meet for a snack and you can share your excitement with us and we can fill you in on what's happening with us. We have been best friends for a long time and want our friendship to remain forever. We are writing to say we miss you and we love you very much and we'll always be there for you if you should ever need us." - Your best friends, Jan and Suzanne.

Don't bother sending her a copy of the original agreement.

YOUR PARENTS' PROBLEM IS NOT YOUR FAULT

DR. WALLACE: My parents are constantly fighting and arguing and are always threatening to get a divorce. I've heard this so many times, I just let it go in one ear and out the other. Last night my parents had a real whopper of a fight and today my mom told me she was through living with my father and was going to seek a divorce.

She then said that I was the one causing the family problems because I was a "troublemaker" and always took my dad's side in their arguments. When my dad came home from work, I told him what my mother said. He said she doesn't know what she's talking about, and not to worry.

But I do worry. I've had my share of problems, but overall I'm a pretty good kid. I'm a B student and fairly popular at school. I'll admit I do take my father's side in most husband-wife disputes, but that's because he's usually right. I'd appreciate it if you could tell me that if my parents do get a divorce, I wouldn't be the cause. Still, I will do everything I can to have them patch things up. I love them both and don't want to see the family split up. — Nameless, St. Louis, Mo.

NAMELESS: Your parents' problem is not your fault! You are not the reason your parents' relationship is in trouble. Your mother spoke too hastily and probably out of distress.

Do what you can to show love to both your parents and encourage the healing process, but do not blame yourself if they continue to argue. As you have already discovered, taking sides in their arguments is a no-win situation. The next time a verbal squall arises between them, simply leave the room and don't take sides!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.